To demonstrate what is a weak man and what is a strong man.

Sample one, from Bob Marley's song "Waiting in Vain":

Tears in my eyes girl Tears in my eyes girl While I'm waiting, waiting for your love.

Sample two, from A Tribe Called Quests' "Bonita Applebum":

38-24-37?
You and me hon, we're a match made in heaven...
Ummm, I'd like to kiss you where some brothas won't

The man in the Marley song has this in common with the man in the Tribe rap: He wants sex. But to achieve this goal, the man in the Marley song is hiding his hunger behind a display of hurt, a theater of emotions. The fact that he can cry for her love must mean he is sensitive, and the woman must sympathize with his sensitivity because women are sensitive by nature. If the man in the Marley song did not believe women are sensitive, then he would not use tears to get sex from them.

The man in the Tribe song is offering an act, a performance: he will go down on the woman. This is not emotional, this is a hard fact. If she goes to bed with him, he will go down on her.

We have no idea what the Marley man will do once he is in bed. Crying tells us nothing. We know what the Tribe man will do because he promised to perform a specific sex act. With the Tribe man, it is not a mystery of what will happen once in bed but a question of his promise: will he keep it?

In conclusion: Because performance has a higher value than the mere display of emotions, the weaker man is in the Marley song and the stronger one is in the Tribe rap.

The criminal negligence trial of a Woodstock, N.B., woman and her former boyfriend continued Thursday, with more grim details emerging about the condition of a two-year-old girl who died from a perforated bowel while in the couple's care....

Among the disturbing testimony the court heard on Wednesday was that a nine-centimetre-long toy stylus had somehow ended up inside Juli-Anna's large intestine, causing the perforation that ultimately killed her, doctors said.

One Woodstock pediatrician who examined Juli-Anna in 2004 one month before she died said the girl was bruised, severely dehydrated and clung to her mother throughout the appointment. On Wednesday, the court also heard from a pathologist who said he found bruises all over the little girl's malnourished body and herpes sores around her mouth and vagina.

Most disturbing of all, he told the court that the pencil-shaped toy had been inside Juli-Anna's bowel for between two and three days, and would have caused her excruciating pain before she died. The medical experts agreed that it was not an accident.

The police are always busting men that have gay sex in public places but they never bust couples that have straight sex in public places. It's proof that the authorities are homophobic and that men that enjoy public sex--gay and straight-identified cocksuckers--are being persecuted and it's not fair!

Sadly, no.

While straight people can and do have sex in public--couples in sexually moribund LTRs are sometimes encouraged to have sex in public--there's no such thing as a cruisy straight park. There isn't one particular bathroom on, say, the UW campus where straight people go to have anonymous sex with other straight people. There aren't websites directing straight men and women to corners of particular parks or choice public toilets or forested trails where they're likely to find other straight people looking for quick, anonymous fucks.

No, when straight sex happens in public it's usually because an opposite-sex couple has sought out a private spot where they hope no one--not grandmothers out on walks, not heterophobic cops, not other horny straights--will discover them. Once they find that secluded spot, they drop their drawers, have their skeezy straight public sex, then leave and never return.

Straights don't overrun certain sections of certain parks, straights don't turn a corner of a Volunteer or Woodland or Westcrest park into an open-air straight bathhouse, they don't lurk in public toilets they've read about on the web. The police rarely get complaints about straight couples carrying on in one section of a park because straight people--even the ones that have sex in public--don't carry on in one section of the park.

When the police do get complaints about straight public sex they know that a failure to respond isn't going to result in the area being overrun by straight people seeking public sex. By the time the police arrive the straight couple is long gone and unlikely to return. There's literally nothing to police.

So, yes, while both straights and gay have public sex, the impact of straight public sex vs. gay public sex is very different. Consequently the police response will be different. If anyone is applying a double standard here it's defensive gay people that refuse to acknowledge that the similarities between gay public sex and straight public sex are few.

In honor of Dan on this freakiest of fridays, I give you the story of 27-year-old Bay Area woman Christina Adams. She was arrested Thursday afternoon after drunkenly holding her five-year-old son out of a moving SUV.

"Witnesses said they watched in shock as Adams at some points forced the child to run beside the car to keep up."

Apparently, after having been stopped by police after onlookers called 911, the woman ended the fiasco by peeing on the cop car while simultaneously yelling obscenities. Two other adults were in the car.

Speaking of really good parenting the homepage to Tallahassee, FL (wtf?!) brings us this heartwarming story of a mother who is making sure to teach her children useful life skills before sending them off into the world:

"A 43-year-old woman has been charged with a felony after prosecutors said she helped her son make pipe bombs in her home."

I guess "useful life skills" is subjective and if your son is already on probation at sixteen, you have to be realistic about exactly which skills are going to get him that coveted fast food job.

Good morning, starshines! I bring you this heartwarming story of a mother who wants nothing more than to help her kid realize his dreams. It's like a Citibank commercial, except with assault rifles.

"I think you have a parent who has fallen down on the job in supervising the child, perhaps indulgent on the child because she knows he has issues," he said before her arrest.

Yes. Because every child with issues should be purchasing firearms and bomb-making equipment.

A woman found a baby in a field early this morning in Cleveland. According to police, this is what happened:

A Cleveland man told police that his 5-month-old son must have bounced out of his stroller while the two were crossing a field in the 1600 block of East 85th Street. "He said he hit a bump and the baby must have bounced out of the stroller," Lt. Thomas Stacho said.

A woman thought she heard a cat crying at 4:30 a.m. and investigated. She found the baby and called police. The baby was taken to Rainbow Babies and Children's Hospital. "He's fine," Stacho said.

The father realized the baby was not in the house and began looking for him. He walked across the field again and met up with the woman who had found his son. She called police again, telling them she had located the baby's father.

Responding officers said the father was "highly intoxicated," Stacho said.

That last post was so gay. Here's something for the straight guys.

NSFW.

(Thanks, Fnarf.)

Have you heard of ParentsBehavingBadly.com? I hadn't--until Slog tipper Tiffany sent me a link to this tragic and depressing item:

Parents kick out 14-year-old girl for being bisexual. Girl shoots herself in the head.

ParentsBehavingBadly.com is basically an blog dedicated to the stuff I regularly file under "Every Child Deserves a Mother and a Father"--but free of my gay agenda! It's just one depressing story after another. A mother splashes her three daughters with gasoline and sets them on fire. A dad leaves two year-old in a locked car in the sun in 95 degree heat in the parking lot of Nevada brothel. A prosti-mom snorting coke off her infant son while turning a trick.

Sensitive folks depressed by my very occasional "Every Child..." posts should not, under any circumstances, click this link.

This is how to wear a sari

This is a tennis star.

He's a conservative ex-cop turned politician--and until very recently he backed civil unions for same-sex couples over full marriage equality. Tim Burgess? No, the Republican mayor of San Diego.

Yesterday Jerry Sanders announced that he would sign a resolution approved by the San Diego city council calling on the California Supreme Court to lift the state's ban on same-sex marriage. Sanders had been expected to veto the resolution. What accounts for the mayor's reversal? Sanders' says he thought of staff members and friends who are gay--and he was thinking of his daughter, Lisa, who is a lesbian.

"Two years ago, I believed that civil unions were a fair alternative," he said at a news conference. "Those beliefs, in my case, have since changed. The concept of a 'separate but equal' institution is not something that I can support."

He fought back tears as he said that he wanted his adult daughter, Lisa, and other gay people he knows to have their relationships protected equally under state laws. His daughter was not at the news conference.

"In the end, I could not look any of them in the face and tell them that their relationships--their very lives--were any less meaningful than the marriage that I share with my wife, Rana," Sanders said.

Sanders is up for reelection next year and this move may cost him votes in conservative San Diego. You can watch Sanders' very moving press conference here. This just proves, once again, that living with integrity--coming out--is the most important political action that any individual gay or lesbian can take.

With his voice breaking, Sanders said this at press conference:

"I want for them the same thing that we all want for our loved ones. For each of them to find a mate, whom they love deeply, and who loves them back. Someone with whom they can grow old together and share life's experiences. And I want their relationships to be protected equally under the law."

Don't let anyone tell you that coming out is meaningless--and don't let anyone tell you, I suppose, that a conservative ex-cop's evolving position on marriage equality can't possibly be sincere.

Jezebel has their own version of the Stranger's public intern, with one key difference: Instead of washing buses and recycling phone books, their (multiple, male) volunteers will go through some of the many agonizing experiences women put themselves through every day. For his first assignment, Benny the cute young intern got a full bikini wax, including his balls and ass crack. (Yes, there's video.) Jezebel's taking reader suggestions; so far, the more creative ones include having a shoe-fetishist wear stilettos for a day; sending a hot straight guy to a gay bar to show him how awesome unwanted attention is; and simulating menstruation (too complicated to explain). Contribute suggestions in the comments here.

This time in North Carolina.

The charge against a Boca Raton Episcopal priest who was arrested in a sex sting operation in a Waynesville, N.C. park restroom may violate his constitutional rights.... Fr. Michael Penland was charged on June 28 with “soliciting for a crime against nature” in Waynesville Recreation Park....

Who's coming to the defense of the reverend? Not the Episcopal church, which suspended Fr. Penland from his duties at St. Gregory’s Episcopal Church in Boca Raton. It's the gays that are coming to his defense--"Bathroom sting violates priest’s rights, lawyers say," reads the headline in Florida's Express Gay News--and the American Civil Liberties Union. Yesterday the ACLU submitted a "friend of the court" brief backing Sen. Larry Craig, arguing that the "secret sting operation used by the police to arrest Senator Craig was not 'carefully crafted' to avoid ensnaring innocent speech."

Returning to Father Penland: the disgraced priest, like the disgraced senator, is not gay identified. He's been married for 17 years. As I pointed out when the Larry Craig scandal broke, most of the men out there cruising public toilets are straight--or straight-identified--and not openly gay. (Although some openly gay men do, of course, cruise toilets.) Yet it's openly gay people and publications that rush to the defense of these men when they get into trouble.

But there's an important distinction to be made between Penland's case and Craig's, a distinction that puts Penland's arrest for--hardy har har--soliciting "a crime against nature" in an entirely different light. The priest didn't intend to have sex in a public place. Returning to Express Gay News...

According to the arrest report, Penland followed Det. Tyler Trantham into a public restroom around 11:30 a.m. and asked Trantham to go home with him to have sex. Penland allegedly got into his car and followed the officer to another location. He was pulled over by a second officer, Crystal Shuler, who issued a citation, took his picture and released him. Penland did not go to jail.

Says the Express Gay News:

The report does not depict any sexual behavior taking place in the bathroom, public park or in Penland’s vehicle. It only states that Penland propositioned the undercover detective to engage in anal sex at a private location.

Says the ACLU:

"What [Penland] did was not a crime,” the ACLU’s Rosenwald said. “It’s not wrong to proposition someone and then go home.”

Look, I sympathize with people that have been arrested in public sex stings. It's gotta suck. But as I said in "Savage Love" last week, part of the thrill of public sex is the risk. You might get caught, you might get into trouble. But Penland wasn't engaging in public sex, and didn't intend to engage in public sex. It's clear--beyond all reasonable doubt--that Larry Craig did intend to get it on in that toilet at the Minneapolis Airport. As gay journalist and one-time toilet cruiser Rex Wockner proved, Craig's actions meant one thing and one thing only. Craig didn't invite that undercover to accompany him to Idaho. He intended to get it on in that airport toilet.

Now do I think paying cops to sit in cruisy toilets at aiports is a wise use of police resources? No, I don't. But getting it on in public restrooms is illegal, and I'm not going to rush to the barricades to defend closet cases, straight men with a taste for cock, or the odd openly gay sexual adventurer. I agree with the ACLU: if a public restroom becomes a cruising spot, "[the police] should put up a sign banning sex in the restroom and send in a uniformed officer to patrol periodically."

But I will man the barricades to defend Father Penland. It is not illegal for for one man to hit on another; a pass may be unwelcome, and it may be ill-advised (Waynesville, N.C.?), but it is not a crime--against nature or anything else.

This case, unlike Craig's, is all about criminalizing the brand male piggishness that women are forced to endure every day. It's about protecting straight men from the treatment they meat out to straight women.

Penland should sue. But, alas, it's unlikely that Penland will challenge his arrest. Says the Express Gay News...

Penland could sue the Waynesville Police Department for false arrest or for violating his constitutional rights. [But] Penland and others who are caught in similar stings frequently choose not to challenge the charges because of the stigma associated with such an arrest.

Fighting public sex stings is nearly impossible because the kind of men arrested in bathrooms--straight-identified messes, cowardly closet cases--are the least likely to stand up for their rights to adult, private, consensual sexual conduct. And that's all Penland was looking for: sex in private, between consenting adults. Which is legal in all 50 states, including North Carolina.

A father who was too drunk to drive had his 11-year-old son get behind the wheel of his pickup and drive them home, authorities said. Police stopped the boy late Tuesday after he was seen driving the 1992 Chevy truck the wrong way on a one-way street.

The boy's father, Frank Neff, 35, of Fairbanks, was too drunk to drive and had told the child to drive them home, police said.

Men! No woman would allow her child--oh, wait...

A woman is in jail for allegedly allowing her five-year-old child to drive a car.... "I saw a toddler at the wheel and another toddler on the console. I said, 'Ma'am, are you letting your toddler drive?' She said, 'Yes. He's a good driver,'" said Barrett.

According to a police report, the woman's speech was slurred and she failed all field sobriety tests. She also allegedly told deputies that she'd taken Percocet, a prescription painkiller for "when the kids are acting wild."

This guy, at 90, is possibly the world's oldest father. His fourth wife (who used to be married to his eldest son, but he died (!!)) just gave birth to his (possibly) 21st child. He attributes his longevity to eating plenty of meat, and says he'd like to keep having children until he's 100, "then maybe I will stop." Magic sperm!!

Via DListed.

Apologies to Atrios for swiping his header but it's too perfect and I can't help myself. Anyway, another day, another Republican sex scandal, this time coming out of Indiania. From the blog Advance Indiana...

The newly-elected president of the Young Republican National Federation, Glenn Murphy, has stepped down as the group's president less than a month after being elected to the post at the group's convention in Florida last month....

Murphy, who also serves as chairman of the Clark Co. Republicans, has been viewed as a rising star in the Indiana and national GOP. His consulting firm has advised congressional candidates like that of former U.S. Rep. Mike Sodrel (R). He is fond of using divisive wedge issues, such as gay marriage, to promote his candidates.

Okay... let's savor this for a moment. The newly elected head of the Young Republican National Federation. Chairman of a country Republican organization. A political consultant that has relied on divisive wedge issues like gay marriage to get his candidates elected. Well, guess what Murphy is alleged to have done?

In a shocking police report filed by the Clark Co. Sheriff's office, Murphy is accused of sexually assaulting another man on July 29, 2007, while he lay sleeping in his bed. The alleged assault of the 22-year-old man took place in the Jeffersonville, Indiana home of his sister following a Young Republican party in which both Murphy and the 22-year-old man had been in attendance.

Here's the police report. Basically the 22 year-old victim woke up to find Mr. Murphy in the process of giving him a blowjob--what is it with these homophobic Republicans? Ted Haggard, Bob Allen, Glenn Murphy--all law-breaking oral bottoms. Allegedly, allegedly.

Our sympathies are with the victim, of course.

Thanks to Gitai.

Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar--fundamentalists Christians who live in Arkansas and started having babies when Michelle was 21--just added child number 17 (Jennifer, whose name, like all the other Duggar children, starts with a "J" for "Jesus") to their family, and say they have no plans of stopping. Michelle has now been pregnant approximately 11 of her 40 years. As for why she wants to have still more babies--specifically, girl babies-- Michelle told the Associated Press: "we love the ruffles and lace."

Of course, the real reason Michelle and Jim Bob want more babies is that they're devotees of Quiverfull, a fundamentalist Christian movement whose members believe in "letting God plan your family." They believe, in other words, that women are merely empty vessels to be filled, and that compulsory pregnancy (in the words of one (male) Quiverfull member, "Who's going to do that (go without sex)?") is the duty of the woman toward her male master/husband. Not surprisingly, they also believe that birth control causes abortion; that women should stay at home and educate their children while the family patriarch provides; that corporal punishment is the only way to keep a large litter of kids in line; and that no matter how many children you have, "the Lord will provide" for them. Also not surprisingly, most of the members of this movement are middle- to upper-middle-class and white; the Quiverfull web site says not one word about what less well-to-do women should do with 12 kids and no job. In all cases, the Quiverfull believers believe, the Lord will provide.

The following passage is excerpted from a book called The Patriarch's Path on the Quiverfull web site:

Sometimes I think about Susanna Wesley....they were in an incredible amount of debt, she had a very unhelpful husband and she was ill much of her life. I wonder, if she would have had the option to use birth control, would John and Charles Wesley have ever been born? (They were some of her younger children). I tend to think that she would have been quiver minded, but we'll never know, because thankfully, she did not have the option or the same social pressure that so many ladies have today. Suzanna herself, was the 24th of 24 children! Who would have blamed her mother if she had said, "surely God knows we have enough children, one little simple surgery can cure this!"

Who, indeed. The more you read about the Quiverfull movement, the more you realize that it's less about having kids (although blatantly racist talk about the "declining white European race" is certainly not uncommon) than about controlling women by taking away their choices. Once you've given up hopes for an education and career in favor of that sixth, or seventh, or 17th kid, it's awfully hard to think about leaving the financial security of the husband/patriarch who "provides" for you.

With this item, it may be time to officially retire this series of Slog posts.

A man who had been released from prison early for good behavior was convicted Tuesday of trying to kill a young mother and leaving her 5-year-old daughter to be eaten alive by alligators in the Everglades.

Harrel Franklin Braddy had befriended Shandelle Maycock and her daughter Quatisha. Maycock testified that Braddy went to her home in November 1998 and grew enraged when she asked him to leave.

He choked Maycock until she was unconscious and then forced her and Quatisha into his car, the woman testified. At one point, Maycock gained consciousness, grabbed the child and jumped out of the moving vehicle.

Braddy stopped, choked the woman again and put her in the trunk, she testified. Maycock never saw her daughter again. Prosecutors said Braddy then drove to a section of Interstate 75 in the Everglades known as Alligator Alley and dropped Quatisha in the water beside the road.

She was alive when alligators bit her on the head and stomach, a medical examiner said. Authorities found the girl's body two days later, her left arm missing and her skull crushed, prosecutors said.

You may now debate the legitimacy of these posts--whether they alienate and annoy otherwise supportive heterosexuals, whether they're gratuitous and grotesque, and whether I secretly wish that all these awful things would happen to my own child--because, Jesus, why else would I post this sick shit?

Oh, yeah: I post this sick shit because there are shitloads of people out there that run around insisting that all children need a mother and a father.

The phone number of a Republican senator from Louisiana has turned up on the client list of the so-called "DC Madam." Sen. David Vitter has basically admitted to banging hookers by apologizing for "a very serious sin in my past," and he's "asked for and received forgiveness from God and my wife," and refuses to discuss the matter any further.

Of course the hooker-banging senator is an anti-gay marriage asswipe--of course, of course, of course--as well as a big promoter of abstinence education. Same-sex marriage? That's a threat to his marriage--hell, the hooker-banging senator from Louisiana compared gay marriage to Hurricane Katrina. But adultery? Oh, that's a pardonable offense, hardly worth pestering the senator with questions about--particularly seeing as how God and the wife (in that order) have already forgiven his lying, cheating, hypocritical ass.

Here's hoping that Vitter didn't knock that hooker up--because he's opposed to abortion too.

Fucking hypocrite...

This is wrong.

As happens to many young couples, my girlfriend and I have found ourselves confronted with a decision to make about having a child, and we're not sure what to do. There are many options available to us, and a difficult evaluation of the responsibilities and obligations, as well as the joys, that come with raising a child.

Our two real options are either having and raising the child, or aborting. While we'd like to think that adoption is a viable option for us, my girlfriend doesn't believe that she'd be able to give up a child after giving birth to it, and that's not something I'm going to pressure us into doing....

Right now, we just can't afford it, which is why we're here, on this site. We've crunched some numbers, and we believe that, to really set ourselves up in a good environemnt for the baby, we need $50,000. That'll give us the down payment on a decent house, get us a car that runs reliably, allow us to save away a little for the baby's college fund, cover any medical bills (she's uninsured), and give us a little buffer while she's not working.

It comes down to this. If we can't raise the $50,000 in the next 3 months, we'll have to choose abortion. We don't like it, and we don't like the nature of our appeal, but it is what it is. We're asking you to donate money to us using the link to your left. Anything you can give would be appreciated.

The couple wishes to remain anonymous, so there's no info about them on the website, no way to verify if they're for real, or if there are even two of them, or if anyone is actually pregnant. They've raised $12,500 so far and the site says there's 79 days left to go.

They've posted a bunch of the letters they've received. It's interesting reading.

Says Slog tipper Matt:

It's either a genious but evil scam, or a totally fucked up couple. Either way, it's great. Kinda.

These, young Spangenthal-Lee, are OBVIOUSLY the greatest things in life:

Thank you, and good night.

The greatest things in life are as follows:

If you put all of those things in a blender with some really, really straight sex and set it on rock the fuck out, you'd get this guy:

No, that's not me. But I wish it was.

I left someone out of my post yesterday about dads killing their wives and children. People offended by these posts shouldn't click here.

This plane:

...is currently circling around downtown Seattle.

The number (360-480-9329) goes to Show the Truth Washington, a Centralia-based anti-abortion group that specializes in showing pictures of bloody fetuses ("because the media, (and others) continue to censor the reality of abortion from the abortion 'debate'"!) Gee, and I thought abortion was like getting a nice massage. Good thing Show the Truth was there (with their plane! And its sign! With that awful-looking bloody thing!) to tell me THE! TRUTH! about ABORTION! Oh, God, won't anyone think of the BAYBEEEEEEEES?

I tooled around a little bit on their web site, and found this testimonial letter from a woman named "Jazmin":

Hi my name is Jazmin I am writing you this letter to thank you. I am 20 years old with a 3 year old & a 5 month old son. I am also pregnant again 3 months today. I was going to get an aboration but I've never seen the truth about it, I just knew that with the aboration my life would be a little bit easier (atleast I thought that) but when I saw the pictures of the links you have provided not only did it change my mind, it made me sick to my stomache. How can people do it? I don't know how but I just have to say today you saved my baby. If it's a boy or a girl, no matter what, you would be the cause of saving my baby. And when I have my baby I will send you pictures of the baby you saved. ... THANK YOU & god bless you & your goals you may want to achieve. The truth needs to be shown!

P.S. You can make a big diffrence & you did to me.Thank you.

Frankly, if that isn't a ringing endorsement for abortion (um, "aboration), I don't know what is.

Thanks to Slog tipper Ryan.

Federal prosecutors were shocked--shocked!--by the content of three porn movies that were distributed to a man in Utah, where porn is illegal. So shocked, in fact, that they had to watch--and describe in minute detail--every single second of it.

A 20-year-old Lake Stevens woman arrested in the death of her 4-month-old son told police that she had taped a pacifier to the infant's face to keep it inside his mouth.

The woman, who is not being identified because she hasn't been charged, called 911 around 11:30 a.m. Monday to report that the infant was unconscious, according to Lake Stevens police.

Paramedics went to the woman's home, which she shares with her fiancé, in the 2600 block of Lake Drive Northeast. There, said Fire District 8 Deputy Chief David Lingenfelter, they found an infant who had been dead for several hours.

So says conservative radio hater Michael Savage.

"Savage Nation' appears on about 350 stations, reaching an estimated eight million listeners weekly.... [Savage] was up to his usual, well, savage tricks on Savage Nation last week, again calling gay parenting "child abuse," echoing remarks he originally made during the February 26 program.

This time, Weiner's savagery was unleashed in response to remarks by Republican presidential candidate and former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney. Romney, whose stance on gay issues apparently varies depending on which office he's currently seeking, responded to a mother from New Hampshire who asked about his opposition to gay marriage by referring to same-sex parenting as part of "the American way" and an example of "freedom of choice."

....

To Savage Weiner, however, the only "proper answer" for Romney would have been to tell Ms. Fish that her parenting is "child abuse." What is needed, according to Savage Weiner, is "a conservative candidate all the way who would say to a gay woman: 'You know what? I'm very sorry for your children. I think it's child abuse for you to raise children.' "

Hm. If you're going to call gay parenting "child abuse," what the hell do you call this?

Father gets 30 years for daughter's scalding death

No one had a good word for the father of 10-year-old Jordan Gonsioroski when he was sentenced Thursday to 30 years in prison for her death caused by scalding bath water last summer in their Blaine home.

"If it were up to me, I would do the same thing to him that he did to her," Jordan's mother, Amanda Johnson, said after the sentencing in Anoka County District Court...

Before imposing punishment, the judge said he couldn't determine who actually immersed Jordan in the scalding water in her father's mobile home July 15 because Gonsioroski and his girlfriend, Meier, gave conflicting accounts when they each pleaded guilty.

Yes, well, at least Jordan had proper male/female role models, and not a pair of abusive-by-definition gay parents. That would have been a crime.

See, the web isn't just about porn! Good Vibrations (via Nerve) has an awesome roundup of educational sites about (mostly straight) sex, masturbation, how to do self-exams, and answers to that perennial teenage question, "Am I normal?" Check out the Canadian Planned Parenthood video to see a break-dancing penis!

They weren't a mother and a father, just a mother and her male "companion," but the religious right can nevertheless take comfort: this little boy has male and female role models, just as God intended...

Investigators found a crying 6-year-old boy tied up in a sweltering car at a suburban restaurant after employees reported seeing a man take the child outside and return without him to finish eating.

Police believe the boy, whose name was not released, was tied up for about 30 minutes while the outside temperature was in the 80s Saturday in Ringgold, Ga., about 13 miles southeast of Chattanooga, Sgt. John Gass said Tuesday.

"He was sitting up in between the two front seats and he was crying," Gass said. "He had a rope tied to one of his ankles. The child was just sweating, just soaking."

The boy's mother, Rachel Gilchrist, 35, and her companion, Raymond Minchew, 61, both of Sandy Springs, Ga., were arrested Saturday and charged with cruelty to children.

Dozens of children die every year after being left--usually by accident--in hot cars. Temperatures in a locked car in the sun can reach fatal levels in as little as 15 minutes.

A South King County man, Joel Zellmer, has been charged with first-degree murder in the 2003 drowning death of his then 3-year-old stepdaughter, Ashley McLellan. Bail has been set at $5 million.

This 2003 incident occurred three months after Zellmer's marriage to Ashley's mother, Stacey Ferguson, and after he purchased a $200,000 life-insurance policy for the toddler. There have been at least four similar incidents leading up to Ashley's death, where accidents kept happening to Zellmer's often insured stepchildren.

The first known case occurred in 1990. Zellmer was accused of breaking the legs of his then 4-month-old stepson in order to collect on a $25,000 insurance policy, for injuries sustained in what his mother reported as a nonexistent car accident.

I was also going to make this post a "Freaky Friday Twofer," tagging it with Dan's other regular Slog post "O They'll Know We Are Christians by Our..." because on KING 5 last night, Zellmer's "K-Fed Wannabe" son claimed his father couldn't possibly be guilty because "he is a pastor in our church," but I couldn't find the clip and it isn't mentioned in the news stories I found this morning.

If you like Peer Pressure's divan defilement, then you'll love…

I occasionally link to news stories about horrifying tales of child abuse perpetrated by heterosexual parents--a mother and a father--because the religious right likes to run around screaming that "every child deserves a mother and a father!" Never mind that each news cycle clearly demonstrates that every child needs fit parents, period, not parents with a matched set of His and Her genitalia.

My "Every Child..." posts to Slog aren't beloved by all--so gory, such a downer, so depressing. But this "Every Child..." post doesn't include a horrifying tale of child abuse, so those with delicate sensibilities can read on.

All I want to do in this "Every child..." post is quote CBN--a conservative Christian news service--quoting Mitt Romney...

Mitt Romney has made his support for traditional marriage a major talking point in his bid for the presidency. Constantly you’ll hear him talk about the fact that, “I think every child deserves to have a mother and a father." He’s also said before that gay marriage is not right on paper or fact.

Needless to say, CBN supports Mitt Romney's when he parrots their "every child deserves a mother and a father" line. Because every child deserves a mother and a father, every child deserves a mother and a father, every child deserves a mother and a father--yeah, yeah. Tell it to this guy's kids.

But the CBN story quoting Romney is a slam, actually, and not a wet Baptist tongue slipped up Romney's tight Mormon asscrack. You see last night in Concord, New Hampshire, an actual lesbian parent--not an abstract argument about lesbian parents, or gay male parents, or what every child "deserves," but an actual living, breathing, parenting lesbian parent--had the nerve to ask Matt Romney this question:

"I am a gay woman and I have children. Your comment that you just made, it sort of invalidates my family. I wish you could explain to me more, why if we are sending our troops over to fight for liberty and justice for all throughout this country, why not for me? Why not for my family?"

Instead of striding manfully across the stage and slapping the lesbian across her carpet-munching face--the only right thing to do, according to religious conservatives, under the circumstances--Romney said...

“Wonderful, I'm delighted that you have a family and you're happy with your family. That's the American way... People can live their lives as they choose and children can be a great source of joy, as you know. And I welcome that. There are other ways to raise kids that's fine: single moms, grandparents raising kids, gay couples raising kids. That's the American way, to have people have their freedom of choice."

Bolds and italics added willy-nilly by yours truly.

Romney's answer is making heads explode over at CBN, the 700 Club, the American Family Association, Liberty University, et all. Because gay parents aren't fine with them--and they certainly don't want same-sex parenting described as "the American way." The religious right already mistrusts Romney; he used to support gay rights, and abortion rights, and he wears those Mormon underpanties. And if they can't trust Romney to keep his pandering straight--he was at that event to pander to Christian bigots, not lesbian parents!--how can they trust him at all?

Scalia daughter pleads to DUI charge

The daughter of U.S. Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia was sentenced to 18 months of court supervision after pleading guilty to drunken driving.

Ann S. Banaszewski, 45, of Wheaton, on Wednesday accepted a plea agreement under which prosecutors dropped four other charges including endangering the life of a child and failure to secure a child younger than eight in a child-restraint system.

She was arrested Feb. 12 while driving away from a fast-food restaurant in Wheaton, 20 miles west of Chicago. Three of her children were inside her 1996 Ford van when someone called police to report a suspected intoxicated driver, authorities have said.

I've received numerous complaints at "Savage Love" from various homos upset about eHarmony's anti-gay policies. The popular dating website--founded by a Christian conservative, promoted by an extremely annoying ad campaign--doesn't take ads from "men seeking men" or "women seeking women." eHarmony also doesn't acknowledge the possibility that some of members may be bisexual because, as the founder says, he's not an expert on same-sex dating.

Uh-huh.

Well now someone is suing the old bigot.

A lawsuit alleging discrimination based on sexual orientation was filed in Los Angeles Superior Court on behalf of Linda Carlson, who was denied access to eHarmony because she is gay.

Lawyers bringing the action said they believed it was the first lawsuit of its kind against eHarmony, which has long rankled the gay community with its failure to offer a "men seeking men" or "women seeking women" option.

It was inevitable, of course. But I never wrote about eHarmony because their exclusionary policies never really exercised me. It's not as if there's a dearth of gay dating websites out there--and does anyone know if Gay.com, Dudesnude.com, bigmuscle.com, dlist.com, lesbotronic.com, Slave4Master.com, etc., accept ads from "men seeking women" and "women seeking men"? I don't have time to check 'em all out but, gee, I kinda doubt it.

There's room on God's green Internet for gay personals websites and straight personals websites--just as there's room in the real world for gay bars and straight bars, gay porn companies and straight porn companies, gay rodeos and straight rodeos. It's not like homos are exactly under-served in this area--there are almost too many queer personals websites out there. And so if the breeders wanna have one all to themselves, well, what's the harm in it?

Don't get me wrong: I think eHarmony's anti-gay, anti-lesbians, and anti-bi policies are offensive and idiotic--not to mention bad business practices. Queers are big users of Internet personals--if I owned eHarmony stock I'd be pissed. But I hardly think eHarmony is worth the trouble of suing. Unless, of course, we're going to insist that Lesbotronic and Slave4Master and Dudesnude, etc., all start accepting ads from "men seeking women" and "women seeking men."

A 20 year-old university student in Montreal took daddy--a real biological father--for a drink on the patio of gay bar. It's a bar that's notorious for sex acts on the dance floor, the porn that's constantly showing on the TV monitors around the bar, and gay men in leather. The student and parent were asked to leave--not because the bar has anything against daddies. No, the bar has something against girls.

The patio belongs to Le Stud, a self-styled "hard, manly and virile" leather bar on the fringes of Montreal's Gay Village. Audrey's father, Gilles Vachon, said a server sidled over and said "This establishment is for men only. Please leave."

Audrey Vachon, 20, said she has never felt singled out the way she was on that day.... Her expulsion has provoked a storm of criticism of Le Stud's owner, who said it is house policy to admit only men--other than on Ladies Night on Wednesdays.

Montreal's gay chamber of commerce has called on Le Stud to stop discriminating against women. And Le Stud should admit women--not just because it's the right thing to do, but for the bar's good. Maybe the owners of Le Stud aren't paying attention to the evolution of the modern BDSM/fetish scene, but it's increasingly pan-sexual. Today's straight and gay BDSM/leather fetishists recognize that they have more in common with each other than they do with non-kinky gay and straight folks.

Still, I can't understand why anyone--male or female, gay or straight--would want to take mom or dad to a leather bar, even just the patio. But if that's what floats Audrey's boat, she should be able to do it.

While I was in Los Angeles last week my cell phone died--the color screen went all white, and then the display came back but everything was backwards, and then it went all white again. It was a brand-new phone, one of these new beautiful slide phones, a Samsung. I hadn't dropped it in water. I had dropped my previous phone in water, which was why I had a brand-new phone. The phone I dropped in water I'd only had for about three months. I got that when my previous phone--well, you remember.

Long story short, I had to get a loaner phone from T-Mobile while I was on vacation. I'd bought my latest phone from a T-Mobile dealer, not from a T-Mobile corporate retail location, so I couldn't just walk in to a T-Mobile store in Los Angeles and exchange it. (Note to T-Mobile: This is retarded!) I had to get this grubby phone as a loaner while T-Mobile mailed me a new phone as well as an envelope to send my broken phone back in.

One of the many weird things about this phone is that not all of my numbers--stored on my SIM card--carried over. Another weird thing: The phone still has a bunch of text messages written to the guy who had it before me. His sent box is empty. But his inbox is full of messages--mostly messages from a girl. I've changed her name to Stephanie. I've changed his name to Tyler. Angela, Brad, and Adam are pseudonyms, too. Considering these people live far away from Seattle--in a small, sunny, affluent community called Oak Park, where everyone's parents work in the entertainment industry or are lawyers (or are lawyers in the entertainment industry)--no one minds if I share the messages, do you? You would read them if T-Mobile gave you a loaner phone, wouldn't you? Of course you would!

Children of privilege, fighting about their love life, over text messages, over two days. Notice the time stamps. Part of what's fascinating is that you only get one side of the conversation. You gotta fill in what's missing.

From Stephanie, May 16, 12:25 pm:

? That wasn't mean. I just knew you wouldn't be effected if we broke up. Thats part of the reason

From Stephanie, May 16, 12:29 pm:

I dunno i want to know what you want

From Stephanie, May 16, 2:32 pm:

K

From Stephanie, May 16, 6:15 pm:

Tyler talk

From Stephanie, I think, but she's texting from someone else's phone, because just a random number comes up, May 16, 6:33 pm:

Not ne more

From Stephanie, still texting from that other number, May 16, 6:33 pm:

And now you're lying. He told me he talked to you about it. From stephanie

From Stephanie, May 16, 8:00 pm:

So you're too cool to think of me even once now?

From that other number [maybe it's not Stephanie texting this time?], May 16, 8:03 pm:

Wow i feel bad but she did it you know

From that other number, May 16, 8:06 pm:

Hahaha are you stoned?

From that other number, May 16, 8:09 pm:

Yeee doww. Delete your txt i dont want to be stabbed

From that other number, May 16, 8:13 pm:

Haha what are you doing

From that other number, May 16, 8:15 pm:

Haha yee dow

From Stephanie, May 17, 8:32 am:

Tyler

From Stephanie, May 17, 8:39 am:

Talk. To. Me.

From Stephanie, May 17, 8:43 am:

Say something! Do you like it like this!

From Stephanie, May 17, 8:51 am:

Answer! Do you??

From Stephanie, May 17, 8:52 am:

Cuz i don't like it..

From Stephanie, May 17, 8:53 am:

Oh so.. That means you wanna stay broken up?

From Stephanie, May 17, 8:55 am:

So. I'd still rather be with you. Now its your turn to say what you want..

From Stephanie, May 17, 8:57 am:

Fuck you! Do you want me or no? !

From Stephanie, May 17, 10:55 am:

Oh my god and i totally forgot to tell you i ran into a mail box! Lol. How funny is that

From Stephanie, May 17, 11:16 am:

But i love you and i miss you

From Stephanie, May 17, 3:00 pm:

Hello

From Stephanie, May 17, 3:45 pm:

Don't be like that. I didn't want to break up with you. You don't even give a shit so why are you mad?

From Stephanie, May 17, 3:48 pm:

Then lets stop baby. :) i love you.

From Stephanie, May 17, 3:49 pm:

Then lets stop baby. :) i love you.

[Yup, same message, one minute later.]

From Stephanie, May 17, 3:50 pm:

I don't wanna be friends with you

From Stephaniee, May 17, 3:51 pm:

Be with me. Again. No fighting this time.

From Stephanie, May 17, 3:54 pm:

Whats a break

From Stephanie, May 17, 3:57 pm:

I don't like breaks then. I'm not gunna just let you set me aside till you're in the mood. All or nothing. Be with me and i'll give you your space. You were being so perfect the last week so i need to be perfect back

From Stephanie, May 17, 4:01 pm:

Absolutely nothing. What did they say i said

From Stephanie, May 17, 4:12 pm:

What the fuck. Tyler stop being fucking immature and buying into oak park drama. If i wanted to ruin my OWN reputation you're right i would make my boyfriend look bad by talking shit about him.. Come on. Uh. Buh.

From that other number, May 17, 4:50 pm:

Hey sorry what did you say back

From that other number, May 17, 4:53 pm:

Ha ha you are so funny. Text me later. Give adam my number so he can text me if he gets some shit

From that other number, May 17, 4:55 pm:

Yah i know i think she hung out with brad today

From Stephanie, May 17, 4:58 pm:

Ya..

From Stephanie, May 17, 5:03 pm:

And you hump angela in front of everyone.. Kick it i don't like him i like you

From Stephanie, May 17, 5:06 pm:

There is no drama

From Stephanie, May 17, 5:13 pm:

Wait are you kidding

From Stephanie, May 17, 10:02 pm:

Are you fucking kidding me.

From Stephanie, May 17, 10:10 pm:

You're pathetic. I just wanted you to know.

From Stephanie, May 17, 10:15 pm:

Seriously [Tyler's last name]. In the last half hour you made me realize that i wouldn't care if you died.

From Stephanie, May 17, 5:17 pm:

Delete my number don't talk to me anymore. Bye

From another person, not mentioned in any of the above texts, identified only by a first initial and last name, May 18, 9:48 am:

Should of came last night.

Today's episode of Good Morning America featured a story that Brad thoughtfully forwarded to me, on the (correct) presumption that it would make my head explode. The article--an anxiety-exploiting diatribe disguised as "news"--is titled "Cleavage: The Owners Manual," but it leaves in question to which gender the so-called "owner" belongs.

Actual excerpt:

The weather's getting warmer and necklines are dipping lower -- sometimes, too low.

From the beach to the mall to the office, women seem to be showing off their cleavage more than ever before.

Why? According to Elisabeth Squires, author of "Boobs: A Guide to Your Girls," American breasts are getting bigger while shirts are getting smaller.

"We are seeing more cleavage these days for a few reasons. First, the fashion of the day is tight and skinny. At the same time, women are bigger than they were even 15 years ago. Bra fitters tell me that an E cup is the new C cup," Squires said on "Good Morning America."

"We have to remember that while more women are showing more cleavage, you really have to use your breast power responsibly," Squires said.

I KNEW there was a reason I make more money than male counterparts, pay less for basic services, and generally get treated as the default gender in every aspect of society! It's my breast power! But don't take my word for it; take the word of an uncited "recent study":

According to Squires, the appearance of breasts can help women in the workplace.

"A recent study showed men photos of women in a workplace with large breasts showing cleavage, medium breasts and small breasts. When asked about who looked most professional and personable, the men chose the women with medium-sized breasts," she said.

"You don't have to be flat-chested to be taken seriously," she added. "You just have to be proportionate. For women who are small busted, that may mean a little padding. For well-endowed women, that may mean a minimizer."

Squash those girls down, ladies! Or, whatever, puff them up! Just remember that you "have to" be proportionate, and you'll be well on your way to workplace domination.

Headless pornification: The new C cup!

Update! Althouse sez: "'Breast power'" is real. We can pretend we don't know, but we do. That doesn't mean we have great judgment about how to use it." Thanks for that stunning insight, Ann!

Blaming gay men for the pressure our culture places on women to by skinny is like blaming gays and lesbians for heterosexual divorce. Yet Beth Ditto does just that in the latest issue of New Music Express. Says Beth...

"If there's anyone to blame for size zero, it's not women. Blame gay men who work in the fashion industry and want these women as dolls."

Does Ditto think gay men only began working in the fashion industry in the last twenty years?

Uh, Beth? Gay men have been making clothes for and slathering makeup on women since the beginning of recorded human history. And body types, like everything else, come in and out of fashion for reasons that have nothing to do with gay men and our desire to play with dolls. My God, who do you think dressed the zaftig-by-today's-standards Marilyn Monroe?

The reason certain body types come in and out of fashion has little to do with the pack of cocksuckers that run the fashion industry. The skinny thing, like all aspects of fashion, are all ultimately about sexual display and attraction. And sexual display is about the flaunting of wealth, power, and status, Beth, and not about the ability of evil male homosexuals to dictate beauty standards to helpless straight women.

When food was scarce and most people were skinny, plump bodies were "ideal" because they were a sign of status and wealth. And the oppressed skinny girls felt awful and unattractive--and gay men made clothes for the fat girls and the skinny girls just the same. Today food is plentiful and most people are heavy and skinny bodies are "ideal" because they're a sign of status and wealth. And the oppressed plump girls are made to feel awful and unattractive--and gay men make clothes for the skinny girls and the fat girls just the same.

As part of his journey though anti-gay-bigot rehab--still not quite sure how that works exactly--Isaiah Washington filmed this public service announcement.

Yeah, words have power--the power to get your ass in a heap of trouble.

Identical male twins sleep with the same woman within hours of each other. The woman gets pregnant. She names one of the twins as the father. The named-as-father twin contests being the designated daddy, and sues. A paternity test is ordered and...

But a paternity test in this case could not help. The test showed that both brothers have a 99.9 percent probability of being the daddy--and neither one wants to pay child support. The result of the test has not only brought to light the limits of DNA evidence, it has also led to a three-year legal battle, a Miller Family feud and a little girl who may never know who her real father is.

Click the link and you can see a photo of the twin brothers--but anyone harboring doing-it-with-twins fantasies may not want to click the link. This thoroughly resistible pair won't be modeling for A&F anytime soon.