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Friday, August 31, 2007

Every Child Deserves a Mother and a Father: DUI Edition

posted by on August 31 at 7:30 AM

A father who was too drunk to drive had his 11-year-old son get behind the wheel of his pickup and drive them home, authorities said. Police stopped the boy late Tuesday after he was seen driving the 1992 Chevy truck the wrong way on a one-way street.

The boy’s father, Frank Neff, 35, of Fairbanks, was too drunk to drive and had told the child to drive them home, police said.

Men! No woman would allow her child—oh, wait…

A woman is in jail for allegedly allowing her five-year-old child to drive a car…. “I saw a toddler at the wheel and another toddler on the console. I said, ‘Ma’am, are you letting your toddler drive?’ She said, ‘Yes. He’s a good driver,’” said Barrett.

According to a police report, the woman’s speech was slurred and she failed all field sobriety tests. She also allegedly told deputies that she’d taken Percocet, a prescription painkiller for “when the kids are acting wild.”

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Can I start the hand wringing...???

Oh Dan how could you! These poor little babies!! How does this help anyone? This is gratuitous. This is dirty bad and wrong. Oh Goddess...the children...the children...think about the children......***sooooobbbbbb*****

Yes, think about the children. The children of same sex families in Ohio (for example) that are shit on routinely by straight, morally superior liars that play footsie in the bathroom.

Thank you again, Dan. Someday the MSM will do a story about the way same sex families are expected to uphold a higher moral standard than heteros and it will be because someone (like you) wasn't afraid to make connections like these.

Posted by patrick | August 31, 2007 8:13 AM

Hey now, these boys are learning to drive at a young age so than can grow up to be manly; they'll not be sissy, soft, faggoty faggots who can't butch it up enough to drive their deadbeat parents around when they're on a drinking binge. They'll totally be straight when they grow up. Which is the only thing that matters, really...that is, if they live past 12.

Posted by Erin | August 31, 2007 8:33 AM

I'm horny.

Posted by Mr. Poe | August 31, 2007 8:34 AM

did anyone die?

then who fucking cares?

the dad was actually taking the most responsible route to getting his kid home safely. why does fairbanks even have a 1-way street?

Posted by maxsolomon | August 31, 2007 8:45 AM

Thank you Mr. Savage for reaffirming my faith in the intelligence of the average american voter...

BTW, 'Mr. Poe' - I'm thirsty.

(and no, that's not a signal for gay sex - I'm not GAY!)

-Douglas Tooley
Lincoln District, Tacoma

Posted by Douglas Tooley | August 31, 2007 8:46 AM

Take a fucking taxi

Posted by Greg | August 31, 2007 8:52 AM

Maybe one of them were the ones who hit my Jeep last night and didn't leave a fucking note.

Posted by monkey | August 31, 2007 9:12 AM

Mmm. Percoset.

Posted by It's Mark Mitchell | August 31, 2007 9:21 AM

I know this won't be popular, and I know that no one will believe me that I support the right of every couple to marry, but this is a bit ridiculous. I'm sure you could also find gay couples with kids who probably shouldn't be raising kids. That doesn't really answer the question of whether there is an ideal situation for kids to be raised--it just puts front and center that a kid is better off with two responsible dads than his or her biological parents if the parents are irresponsible.

I'll say it: every kid deserves to be raised by his biological parents and to have responsible parents.

I guess where that's not possible because the parents can't get along, one has died, the parents have abandoned the kid, etc., two responsible parents (adoptive, step) are better than none or one.

I just don't think you win any the marriage debate with this argument--and you don't need to because gay marriage should still be lawful even if all hetero couples start being responsible.

Posted by Dan | August 31, 2007 9:21 AM

OK, so that post above didn't make any sense. I was talking about adoption by gay couples. So substitute "adoption" for "marriage."

Posted by Dan | August 31, 2007 9:28 AM

Regarding the first article, I was born/raised in small town Alaska and started driving to the neighbourhood store when I was 10.
I do agree that letting your 11 year old drive because you are too drunk is indeed bad parenting, but in Alaska, its not uncommon for "children" to drive in rural areas. Hell, I had my first quad runner and snowmobile when I was 5 freakin years old.

Posted by matthew | August 31, 2007 9:35 AM

mother's little helper, indeed.

Posted by Teman | August 31, 2007 9:36 AM

@9: You're forgetting something- it's a lot harder for a gay couple to adopt a child, since background checks and behavioral evaluations are pretty standard.

Biological parents can squirt out a little tyke in between swigs of Jim Bean and fist-fulls of perkies.

Posted by UNPAID BLOGGER | August 31, 2007 10:15 AM

I for one heartily support the Designated Toddler program.

Posted by flamingbanjo | August 31, 2007 10:17 AM

Wait, how do we know that neither of these parents are gay, which seems to be everyone's assumption? There is nothing in there that says they are straight parents? If they are gay parents, will you feel dumb for posting this?

Posted by twee | August 31, 2007 10:24 AM

@11 - I was about to post something similar as a sort-of-joke, and then I read your actual first-hand account.

Now, Percocet-mama with the 5 year old? THAT's fuckin crazy!

Posted by Mahtli69 | August 31, 2007 10:26 AM

I'm confused. Does she take Percocet to help her deal with the kids when they're wild or does she give Percocet to the kids?

Posted by keshmeshi | August 31, 2007 10:28 AM

Twee @ 15 makes a very astute observation, Dan. Worth considering for future ECDAMAF features.

Posted by OddlyEnough | August 31, 2007 10:31 AM


While I agree with your sentiment, you and I need to agree on mutually distinguishable Slog monikers.

Posted by Greg | August 31, 2007 10:45 AM

It's interesting how even someone who is a gay parents, like Dan Savage, reads the terms "mother" or "father" in a news story and automatically assumes that that means it's a straight, biological parent. Are you not the father of your child? Do you think there should be a different term than simply "father" in the news reports when referring to a gay father, just so everybody knows?

Posted by twee | August 31, 2007 11:08 AM

@17, giving percocet to children would be irresponsible, obvi.

Posted by yosnacks | August 31, 2007 1:22 PM

You need to take your Percocet proactively. If you wait until the kids go wild, it's too late.

Posted by Sean | August 31, 2007 1:26 PM

@17: From what I read, I think she takes the Percs herself when the kids are wild. She's an idiot-- if you're going to resort to drug-taking when your kids are acting up, give the kids Benadryl, wait 45 minutes for them to crash, THEN you take the Percoset. Then you spend the afternoon staring into space and happy.

Posted by Jessica | August 31, 2007 1:35 PM

A "father and a mother?" I knew you hated straight parents, but now you hate single moms too?

Posted by Julissa | August 31, 2007 3:03 PM

Having lived in Fairbanks most of my life, I wonder where the kid was while dad was getting loaded. I used to sit in the Comet club and read danielle steele books while they drank, but they never made me drive home..

Posted by mv | September 4, 2007 11:30 AM

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