Life An Open Letter to the Lady Who Has My Cell Phone
posted by on January 3 at 12:06 PM
Dear Lady Who Has My Cell Phone,
First of all, thanks for taking it upon yourself to find my cell phone and to call a couple people on my phone list and tell them you have it. Weird that, out of the hundreds of numbers in there, you called someone in San Diego, but I’ll grant that Axle is a cool name. He called my voicemail at work and told me that you have my phone and—well, I was totally relieved.
Five days later, I’m not so relieved. You found my phone on Friday night. How come you won’t call me back? How come you won’t call any of my friends back? By taking custody of my phone—and not, like, just giving it to the bartender—you took responsibility for it upon yourself, but I’ve called you about 15 times in the last five days from pay phones, friends’ phones, etc. It was such a bummer not to have it on New Year’s Eve. On New Year’s Day I came in to work and sat here for 2 and a half hours so that you could reach me by phone, but to no avail. I gave you my email address and told you to send me an email—surely you have email, right?—but no. Granted, it’s the holidays. Granted, you live somewhere in the 425 area code. And granted, you probably have lots of family and friends to see this time of year. I have a lot of relatives I would have liked to call on New Year’s, but I couldn’t call them because I don’t have their numbers anymore—also, I DON’T HAVE A PHONE! I could replace the phone, sure, but I can’t replace all those numbers. You sound genuinely nice on your outgoing message. Your name is Victoria, which is a nice name. I really thought we could work this out, you and me. But T-Mobile is telling me I should go to the cops, because they can look up your phone number and find you.
No need to involve the cops, right? For the love of God, Victoria, call me! Here at the office. (206) 323-7101. I have to walk by the cop shop on my way to lunch, and if I haven’t heard from you, I’m going to do what T-Mobile says…
happy new year,
christopher
She probably just needed it for filming the hanging and will be returning it pronto.
Lordy. Thanks Gabriel--finally, something funny on Slog
it's always so sad when an anarcho-punk has to resort to calling the cops, but that's life under capitalism and cell phone plans, eh?
Damn she could be a or is a freak. My phone number was not in there was it? Wait, I do not even know you... **whew**
You think anyone that reads this blog cares about your cell phone, you whiny, self-absorbed little shit? Give us a break.
But Ace, Christopher has your phone and address in it......
I lost my cell on December 16th and I am still crying. Please, all of you, take some advice and go back up your cell's memory right now. You'll miss it if something happens.
Ever thought about using an address book on your computer that you synch to your phone so that when your phone goes missing you are not sunk?
Think about it the same way you store your music on the iPod and iTunes on the computer.....
I read this Slog. I liked this post. Fuck off, Ace.
Someone who read this post knows Victoria and Christopher is on the sure path to recovering his phone. So, the post worked, regardless of whether you were sufficently entertained by it.
I remember when someone took my second cell phone and tried to make long-distance calls with it - must have been funny when they found out I had blocked that.
Nowadays, I go low tech. No electronic leash for me, that's the way of the last millenium.
I had the phone, I called your friend, then I lost it in the green room at about drunk o'clock. I almost lost my phone that night. If you'll excuse me, I have some ralphing to do.
V, if you mess with these people you could end up getting blacklisted at every poetry reading in town. So's you know.
Not that I have any vested interest in the matter. Just a cellphone enthusiast.
Hey V, I have the hots for Christopher so you better watch out!!! The Cell Phone goons are looking for you!!! And they are watching to make sure you do not record any movies with your DVD-R or VCR too!!!
so seriously fits.
Wait, V, lemme get this straight. You found my phone, and instead of turning it into the bartender you made a couple calls with it and then lost it? And then you didn't return any of my hundred million calls because you were embarrassed? Or throwing up? Or embarrassed and throwing up? This is frustrating.
Dear Ace: Without Slog I never would have learned all this, now would I?
Dear Andrew: How YOU doin?
Dear Chop Suey: I realize I've already visited you a lot, but I'm on my way to dig through the couch cushions in your green room RIGHT NOW.
upgrade your phone to the mda or another phone that syncs with your laptop and then you'll always have their numbers. or start dialing people's numbers instead of using voice dial/speed dial/whatever ;)
Why is V still throwing up 5 days later? I wonder, could it be the shame of re-losing the phone?
CF, you should edit your post's title to reflect the fact that this V character isn't a lady at all--"lady, n.: a well-mannered and considerate woman with high standards of proper behavior"(AHD Third Edition).
I for one am eagerly anticipating the final outcome. Will he find his cell phone or not??
Who DOESN'T have the hots for Christopher? I had to find a picture... now I get it.
Dear friends and haters,
The great search of Chop Suey's green room proved futile. I slid my hand into parts of the couch one should never slide hands into. We removed the cushions. We moved the couch away from the wall. We went out and looked behind the bar again. We looked in the office. The people of Chop Suey have tried to help. God bless 'em. If I hadn't just bought this slide phone, oh, a month ago, to the tune of $150, it wouldn't sting so much to have to go back and get another one. Yet here I go.
The next time you're drunk and you have the urge to help a stranger out by taking charge of getting their phone back to them, do this instead: Realize you're drunk and take the phone to the bartender. You can even get another drink while you're at it.
okay, this is just sad. and no, i haven't really been calling up CF cos apparently i am out of the loop of informed CF crushers. but i guess i too will have to go investigate the claimed hotness.
but DJFITS, it made sense to involve the police if they could have helped track down the phone hoarding whore! not giving someone their phone back ASAP is just a rude and thoughtless thing to do!!!
No, take the phone and flush it down the toilet. Anyone who's so drunk they lose their cell phone needs to learn what loss is.
At the VA, there's lots of people who can't use the cell phone - some of them can't dial, some are missing parts of their brains, you get the drift.
More people get their cars stolen, actually.
This is funny. Karma is a harsh mistress.
I lost my phone on New Year's in NYC. Someone called my Dad at 6:00 AM. Thanks, drunk asshole!
I feel your pain...but the phone is probably a loss. Turn it off, go to the cops, and (if you have it) use the insurance to get a new one. Then work on getting your friends' numbers again!
Isn't knowingly taking a phone that does not belong to you, and then using the owner's minutes to call people (even in their directory), theft? Especially when everyone knows that the right thing to do is to give the phone over to someone who can place it in a proper lost and found?
Although the poster here, V, smacks of a person on the web who just thought it would be funny to post something nasty. If I'd seen you in the Green Room and then read this post while still hungover and/or intoxicated, I might have done the same thing. Because I am nasty. And unlovable.
And STFU, FITS (as usual! Your sets are brilliant and your comments on Slog usually less so... you should probably be concerned about exposing your real-life idiocy in a semi real-life forum).
Even though they may not give a shit about a lost cell phone, you pay them for a reason. I'm no legal expert, but I think taking a lost phone, making calls on it, and then "losing" it constitutes liability, if not just really bad manners.
But, it may just be really bad manners. And sorry for your loss! It only amounted to a few weeks of inconvenience and a dispute with T-mobile, but when I drunkenly left my phone in a cab and the cab owner (successfully prosecuted) rang up over a thousand dollars in calls to Iran, it really messed things up for a few weeks. People who communicate with people in real time these days depend on their cell phones.
oops. for some reason i misread this post and thought it was authored by chris hong, rather than chris frizelle. chris frizelle is neither anarcho, nor punk. still, cops should never even enter the picture.
also, apparently it was my friend victoria who had it all along.
in short, an off day for mr fits.
>>You sound genuinely nice on your outgoing message.
Isn't this known as the "greeting"?
This sort of mess is why I keep my phone in my pocket, and am very careful when I take it out to make calls and am carefult o put it back in said pocket where it won't go anywhere. That's pedantic, but so is haggling with the provider and paying hundreds of dollars to get a new phone.
Cops should definitely enter the picture when a theft has occurred, or if a crime has been committed and a victim has no civil recourse. This would be a small potatoes example of such recourse attempted and denied. Hopefully your friend Victoria has offered to drive the phone to his apartment and buy him dinner as an apology.
No ill will intended towards CF but this post was worth it just for the schadenfreude! LOL
Thanks for posting and thanks for the comments everyone!
ROFL
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