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Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Meanwhile in Heterosexuality

posted by on May 22 at 8:46 AM

Identical male twins sleep with the same woman within hours of each other. The woman gets pregnant. She names one of the twins as the father. The named-as-father twin contests being the designated daddy, and sues. A paternity test is ordered and…

But a paternity test in this case could not help. The test showed that both brothers have a 99.9 percent probability of being the daddyand neither one wants to pay child support. The result of the test has not only brought to light the limits of DNA evidence, it has also led to a three-year legal battle, a Miller Family feud and a little girl who may never know who her real father is.

Click the link and you can see a photo of the twin brothers—but anyone harboring doing-it-with-twins fantasies may not want to click the link. This thoroughly resistible pair won’t be modeling for A&F anytime soon.

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This is pretty funny. Neither of them will fess up to being daddy? They should both be forced to take care of the child, sort of like that show My Two Dads.

What's up with all of the sibling love/rape affair scandals lately? First there was that mistaken identity/rape case now this?

Posted by dnasshole | May 22, 2007 9:03 AM

They shouldn't be forced to take care of the child; they should be prevented from ever seeing the child. Frankly I'm not too sure about the mother, either. But they should both pay child support.

Posted by Fnarf | May 22, 2007 9:05 AM

That either of those two guys got laid is amazing in and of itself.

Posted by monkey | May 22, 2007 9:15 AM

This was a plot element in a Zadie Smith book I read once. How unrealistic, I thought at the time.

Posted by MBI | May 22, 2007 9:20 AM

A Law&Order episode with this same plot will be forthcoming, I'm sure.

Posted by THobbes | May 22, 2007 9:27 AM

Yeah, but at least these fine upstanding citizens are heterosexual. So that automatically makes them better parents than a couple of homos, right?

Posted by SDA in SEA | May 22, 2007 9:36 AM

Awesome punch line Dan. So had they been A&F models, would you have bothered to post it?

Posted by dj girth | May 22, 2007 9:36 AM

@3 - well, we didn't see the woman involved ...

Posted by tsm | May 22, 2007 9:37 AM

Force each of them to pay 50 percent. There. Problem solved.

Posted by keshmeshi | May 22, 2007 9:44 AM

Heh heh, ok, won't blame anyone here for the shaky science here, but apparently, a woman who has a more "loving" sexual experience (i.e. feels more in love with the guy) is more likely to be receptive to be impregnated by that guy than another whom she's not as "in love" with.

This all sounds like a really bad episode of Full House.. except, well, if the Olsen Twins were husky dudes.

Posted by matthew fisher wilder | May 22, 2007 9:47 AM

This is awesome. Takes me back to lazy summer afternoons watching Maury, who don't you know is all about paternity tests.

I love how in these cases it's clearly established that both men could just as easily be the father as much as the other one, and yet all moral, legal, and financial responsibility is self-righteously denied by the guy who happens not to be the genetic match.

Posted by ben | May 22, 2007 9:54 AM


You should consider making sense.

Posted by Mr. Poe | May 22, 2007 9:55 AM

It's Missouri for crying out loud so who can be at all surprised! I'd like to see a picture of the toothless meth skank that slept with the twins. She probably really did them both at the same time in the back up a pick up truck.

Posted by kitty | May 22, 2007 10:00 AM

She made the choice to have the baby, so she should foot the bill. I highly doubt either of those winners wanted to be a father, what with the tag-teaming and all.

Posted by Jason Josephes | May 22, 2007 10:04 AM

It says the baby was conceived four years ago...maybe four years ago those guys were really hot? Mmm, probably not.

Posted by poo poo | May 22, 2007 10:09 AM

@14 is right. She has all the choices.

She should foot the bill.
(Preferably) Exercise her other remaining choice... adoption.

This child has nothing but better options available. What with a whore of a mother who tag teams brothers, and a father & uncle who neither want nor claim it. Let someone who wants to, can afford to, and has the common decency prerequisite to, raise the child.

Parenthood should not be a right just because you are able to procreate.

Posted by You_Gotta_Be_Kidding_Me | May 22, 2007 10:49 AM

once again, dan has proven that only homosexuals should be allowed to procreate. QED.

Posted by maxsolomon | May 22, 2007 11:14 AM

I'm an identical twin, and I always made it a point NEVER to date my twin brother's exgirlfriends and boyfriends. The exes always think they have another chance with me and some of the ones I have never even met have tried to trick me into dating them. I now make it a point to casually ask if they know him. I don't like getting sloppy seconds and I certainly wouldn't like it if a guy slept with both of us on the same day.

Posted by Mr. Designer | May 22, 2007 11:39 AM

I want to hear more about how these men and women tricked you into dating them, Mr. D!

Posted by Dan Savage | May 22, 2007 11:50 AM

i think i know who mr. designer is.

am i right, fill dirt?

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