Comments on Marriage Equality

Perhaps I've been living under a rock, but who out there has been saying that coming out is meaningless? And, worse yet, who has been agreeing with such statements?

"Say yes to war" Dan Savage in The stranger Oct. 2002

Results.
Spc. Joseph N. Landry III, 23, of Pensacola, Fla.; Spc. Nicholas P. Olson, 22, of Novato, Calif.; and Spc. Donald E. Valentine, 21, of Orange Park, Fla., were killed Tuesday when an improvised explosive device detonated near their unit in Muqdadiyah, Iraq.

I got a little weepy reading that. . .

I think when Dan refers to people saying that "coming out is meaningless", he may be referring to straight people who say "who cares" when a gay person comes out to them. I generally scan that response as "I wish you hadn't told me and just stayed in the closet". Correct me if I'm wrong here Dan.

Where the hell is Dear Science this week? I see a podcast on oranges, but that was last week. Where is the column? Of writing. Somebody needs to get their shit together.

I'm talking about the people you mention, Providence--as well as the well-meaning straight people who say, "Why do we need labels?" But mostly I'm talking about the closeted cowards who insist that they can't come out because the world is a scawy place and their families are bigoted and say that maybe they'll come out someday, when the world is less scawy and their families are more accepting.

These homos that refuse to recognize that coming out is the only thing that makes the world a more accepting place and families less hostile. They seem to think that one day, if enough other people come out, they might be able to come out. They want the work done for them, they don't want to do the work. Lazy cowards.

And, of course, I'm talking about stuff like this....

http://www.queerty.com/humor/coming-outs-overrated-20070919/

And I'm sorry about the war.

In addition to coming out of the closet, it is important to use your influence/access to people in positions of power to oppose bigoted laws.

The mayor's daughter didn't JUST come out of the closet, as far as I can tell. She has been out long enough to have a partner that her father was aware of. She was open about her identity and she influenced her fathers position. It takes more than simply being there - it requires active pressure to make change.

If Susan Kennedy had an ounce of integrity she would exercise her influence over Gov Schwarzenegger.

Take note of your power, LGBT Democratic Party cheerleaders: you have to do MORE than give your money with no strings attached.

Don't feel bad Dan. Your support for the war was brief. You stopped supporting it as soon as you realized Bush was making a mess of things. All these dead people...well they would have died sometime anyway. Now back to work. Remember Dan, what I told you, you are THE Dale Chihuly of your world.

I second patrick's sentiments on Susan Kennedy. I mean, wtf woman?

You get what you settle for.

Mayor Sanders' email address, should anyone want to write and tell him what a good thing he did. It would be great if he got thousands more supportive emails than the guaranteed flood of hate he's going to get.

jerrysanders@sandiego.gov

Oh Dan. You wear your hypocrisy with pride.

None of us who supported the war are happy or even proud of our decision: we believed it based on what we were being told at the time. None of us imagined that not only was the intelligence flawed, the deck stacked, contrary information suppressed, but that even the shit we do well, like wage war and build things, could be fucked up so badly (plans for occupation and post-war rebuilding ignored, etc.). None of us, from Democrats to Republicans, who supported the war (like, you know, Hillary), thought that the entire operation would be handled in such an out-of-control, reckless, and amateur manner, both in conception and execution.

I don't know how anyone could have looked at Bush and think a war he started would be handled in any other way than out-of-control, reckless, and in amateure manner.

Still, I forgive those who supported but now are against. Just learn from your mistake.

torrentprime@13 said it *sooooo* much better than I ever could have. The only consolation we can hold is that maybe, maybe the Rs reckless handling of the war will cost them the political ascendency they've had since the end of the Carter administration. We seem to be slowly moving in the right direction...

And to those who still harp about Dan's initial support of the war, to the point of derailing an otherwise brilliant post about personal politics, what exactly do you want him to do to repent? Jump off a cliff? Stigmata? We'd still be where we are. We'd just have one less articulate, passionate, and effective voice.

@15: Well, for starters, maybe Dan and others over there will think twice before attacking candidates for public office because of their political/personal mistakes in the past which they now apologize for, and won't be so quick to mistrust people when they say their opinions have evolved on issues like marriage equality.

Mickymse-

"won't be so quick to mistrust people when they say their opinions have evolved on issues like marriage equality."

Ummmm, isn't that the point of Dan's post?

There are LGBT folk (or rather, "queer" folk, as they prefer to be called) who argue that coming out is meaningless. They say sexual orientation labels are "oppressive" and don't allow for Straight people to enjoy Gay sex, Gay people to crave Straight sex, and so forth. (Why are these people so determined not to identify as bisexual?) They feel that since it's only about sex, anyway, why shouldn't it be kept private? A few months ago, a transgender activist wrote a blistering attack on coming-out strategy in a local Gay weekly. I interpreted that op-ed as the Left Wing articulation of Right Wing oppression. Which only goes to prove what I've long believed: Some of our so-called allies are as bad or worse than our enemies!

i emailed. that press conference made me cry, and there is this funny and unfamiliar feeling of hope in the pit of my belly...

S. Lee @19- It is strange to feel hopeful about this. The video perfectly displays someone who has struggled and actually thought about an issue coming to terms with his decision. In this way, it shows us GLBT people how difficult this can be for non-GLBT people to really put themselves in our shoes and determine a course of action based on an unfamiliar perspective. It makes me appreciate all of our straight allies so much more.

I emailed. Anyone in politics who can respond with compassion and honesty (especially when it's against the grain of your party) deserves to know they are supported.

Send a letter - a copy of the text of the Mayors statement or maybe this link to the video of it - and or your own words of support and encouragement to Arnold Schwarzenegger here:

http://gov.ca.gov/interact

He hasn't vetoed AB 43 yet.

It's important to remember that just like coming out of the closet is not a one time event for gay people, the family and friends of gay people must go through their own journey of acceptance.

We all have our own jurney that we must make and we make that journey on our own timetable. I'm glad that Mayor Sanders daughter helped her father to make that journey.

I am incredibly optomistic about where I see us as a nation in the future, given how far some people (including my own family) have come in such a relatively short amount of time

@ 18

As one of “them” I assure you that “they” (or at least some of “them”) do not prefer to be called either “queer folk” or “LGBT folk” (cringe). I am “gay” if you must label me, please use “gay” (or if necessary “fag” or “faggot”).

queer /kwɪər/ adjective, -er, -est, verb, noun
–adjective 1. strange or odd from a conventional viewpoint; unusually different; singular: a queer notion of justice.
2. of a questionable nature or character; suspicious; shady: Something queer about the language of the prospectus kept investors away.
3. not feeling physically right or well; giddy, faint, or qualmish: to feel queer.
4. mentally unbalanced or deranged.
5. Slang: Disparaging and Offensive. a. homosexual.
b. effeminate; unmanly.
6. Slang. bad, worthless, or counterfeit.
–verb (used with object) 7. to spoil; ruin.
8. to put (a person) in a hopeless or disadvantageous situation as to success, favor, etc.
9. to jeopardize.
–noun 10. Slang: Disparaging and Offensive. a homosexual, esp. a male homosexual.
11. Slang. counterfeit money.
—Idiom12. queer the pitch, British Informal. to spoil the chances of success.

I first heard this on the radio yesterday, while I was running errands. I broke down, full out sobbing. I am still teary eyed about it now. Heartfelt. Meaningful. Important. Brave. All of us lesbians out there probably heard what he was saying in our own fathers voices. Thank you.