Hetero Cell Phone Diaries
posted by on May 30 at 13:42 PM
While I was in Los Angeles last week my cell phone died—the color screen went all white, and then the display came back but everything was backwards, and then it went all white again. It was a brand-new phone, one of these new beautiful slide phones, a Samsung. I hadn’t dropped it in water. I had dropped my previous phone in water, which was why I had a brand-new phone. The phone I dropped in water I’d only had for about three months. I got that when my previous phone—well, you remember.
Long story short, I had to get a loaner phone from T-Mobile while I was on vacation. I’d bought my latest phone from a T-Mobile dealer, not from a T-Mobile corporate retail location, so I couldn’t just walk in to a T-Mobile store in Los Angeles and exchange it. (Note to T-Mobile: This is retarded!) I had to get this grubby phone as a loaner while T-Mobile mailed me a new phone as well as an envelope to send my broken phone back in.
One of the many weird things about this phone is that not all of my numbers—stored on my SIM card—carried over. Another weird thing: The phone still has a bunch of text messages written to the guy who had it before me. His sent box is empty. But his inbox is full of messages—mostly messages from a girl. I’ve changed her name to Stephanie. I’ve changed his name to Tyler. Angela, Brad, and Adam are pseudonyms, too. Considering these people live far away from Seattle—in a small, sunny, affluent community called Oak Park, where everyone’s parents work in the entertainment industry or are lawyers (or are lawyers in the entertainment industry)—no one minds if I share the messages, do you? You would read them if T-Mobile gave you a loaner phone, wouldn’t you? Of course you would!
Children of privilege, fighting about their love life, over text messages, over two days. Notice the time stamps. Part of what’s fascinating is that you only get one side of the conversation. You gotta fill in what’s missing.
From Stephanie, May 16, 12:25 pm:
? That wasn’t mean. I just knew you wouldn’t be effected if we broke up. Thats part of the reason
From Stephanie, May 16, 12:29 pm:
I dunno i want to know what you want
From Stephanie, May 16, 2:32 pm:
K
From Stephanie, May 16, 6:15 pm:
Tyler talk
From Stephanie, I think, but she’s texting from someone else’s phone, because just a random number comes up, May 16, 6:33 pm:
Not ne more
From Stephanie, still texting from that other number, May 16, 6:33 pm:
And now you’re lying. He told me he talked to you about it. From stephanie
From Stephanie, May 16, 8:00 pm:
So you’re too cool to think of me even once now?
From that other number [maybe it’s not Stephanie texting this time?], May 16, 8:03 pm:
Wow i feel bad but she did it you know
From that other number, May 16, 8:06 pm:
Hahaha are you stoned?
From that other number, May 16, 8:09 pm:
Yeee doww. Delete your txt i dont want to be stabbed
From that other number, May 16, 8:13 pm:
Haha what are you doing
From that other number, May 16, 8:15 pm:
Haha yee dow
From Stephanie, May 17, 8:32 am:
Tyler
From Stephanie, May 17, 8:39 am:
Talk. To. Me.
From Stephanie, May 17, 8:43 am:
Say something! Do you like it like this!
From Stephanie, May 17, 8:51 am:
Answer! Do you??
From Stephanie, May 17, 8:52 am:
Cuz i don’t like it..
From Stephanie, May 17, 8:53 am:
Oh so.. That means you wanna stay broken up?
From Stephanie, May 17, 8:55 am:
So. I’d still rather be with you. Now its your turn to say what you want..
From Stephanie, May 17, 8:57 am:
Fuck you! Do you want me or no? !
From Stephanie, May 17, 10:55 am:
Oh my god and i totally forgot to tell you i ran into a mail box! Lol. How funny is that
From Stephanie, May 17, 11:16 am:
But i love you and i miss you
From Stephanie, May 17, 3:00 pm:
Hello
From Stephanie, May 17, 3:45 pm:
Don’t be like that. I didn’t want to break up with you. You don’t even give a shit so why are you mad?
From Stephanie, May 17, 3:48 pm:
Then lets stop baby. :) i love you.
From Stephanie, May 17, 3:49 pm:
Then lets stop baby. :) i love you.
[Yup, same message, one minute later.]
From Stephanie, May 17, 3:50 pm:
I don’t wanna be friends with you
From Stephaniee, May 17, 3:51 pm:
Be with me. Again. No fighting this time.
From Stephanie, May 17, 3:54 pm:
Whats a break
From Stephanie, May 17, 3:57 pm:
I don’t like breaks then. I’m not gunna just let you set me aside till you’re in the mood. All or nothing. Be with me and i’ll give you your space. You were being so perfect the last week so i need to be perfect back
From Stephanie, May 17, 4:01 pm:
Absolutely nothing. What did they say i said
From Stephanie, May 17, 4:12 pm:
What the fuck. Tyler stop being fucking immature and buying into oak park drama. If i wanted to ruin my OWN reputation you’re right i would make my boyfriend look bad by talking shit about him.. Come on. Uh. Buh.
From that other number, May 17, 4:50 pm:
Hey sorry what did you say back
From that other number, May 17, 4:53 pm:
Ha ha you are so funny. Text me later. Give adam my number so he can text me if he gets some shit
From that other number, May 17, 4:55 pm:
Yah i know i think she hung out with brad today
From Stephanie, May 17, 4:58 pm:
Ya..
From Stephanie, May 17, 5:03 pm:
And you hump angela in front of everyone.. Kick it i don’t like him i like you
From Stephanie, May 17, 5:06 pm:
There is no drama
From Stephanie, May 17, 5:13 pm:
Wait are you kidding
From Stephanie, May 17, 10:02 pm:
Are you fucking kidding me.
From Stephanie, May 17, 10:10 pm:
You’re pathetic. I just wanted you to know.
From Stephanie, May 17, 10:15 pm:
Seriously [Tyler’s last name]. In the last half hour you made me realize that i wouldn’t care if you died.
From Stephanie, May 17, 5:17 pm:
Delete my number don’t talk to me anymore. Bye
From another person, not mentioned in any of the above texts, identified only by a first initial and last name, May 18, 9:48 am:
Should of came last night.
Sometimes I think it's ridiculous that I don't have a cell phone. Then I read something like this (and sentences like "I’d bought my latest phone from a T-Mobile dealer, not from a T-Mobile corporate retail location"), and I realize I am very happy with not having a cell phone.
Also, as to why your phone broke: maybe you puked on it?
Wow.
If only there had been picture messages too!
i've never understood why people text. good lord -- just fucking call each other and get that utterly stupid conversation over with in 2 minutes instead of over the course of hours.
And then Lindsay gets in a DUI... hmmmm.
"Uh. Buh."
That was the breaking point, when my laughing became so hard I fell off my chair.
Seriously, why the fuck do people text when you have a FUCKING PHONE IN YOUR HAND?
You guys just don't understand texting.
And, voyeurism rules.
Texting is god's gift to people who don't appreciate the whole song and dance of talking on the phone. If I could get away with never talking on the phone I would—and I'm not a hermit or anything, I just don't like talking on the phone. Texting is short, sweet, and to the point without having to commit to a conversation.
Texting is anything but short and sweet - this conversation took nearly two days!
Christopher, you should send that in to FOUND Magazine.
Carollani, I think this post shows pretty clearly that conversations via text are neither short, sweet, nor to the point.
(And kudos to Firefox's dictionary for not recognizing "texting" as a word.)
awe-some!
I propose a justify your text outbox sometime soon. That'd be fun.
Holy fuck, you can get LOANER PHONES?
In January my phone got robbed by some hoodlums on MAX while I was on my way to the airport and I had to spend six days in SF without a phone.
Then three weeks ago I was out of town and went swimming with my phone in my swimming trunks (stupid, I know) and had to spend four days without a phone.
I didn't know about loaner phones!!
Levislade: Is anything short, sweet, and to the point when in the hands of affluent teenagers?
If you were to look in my inbox you'd get a whole different impression of texting (texters?).
how old is the average slog reader? don't understand texting? hello? did you understand Email or IM?
hello?
talk to me!
k.
LOLZ! OMGWTFBBQ! CU L8R.
I don't understand phones, period. My cell has maybe 20 minutes on it in three years. I don't understand what it is you folks are constantly talking or texting about, but if this transcript is an example, I'm glad.
And yes, I've been sending email for twenty years.
oh my god what the fuck bar-b-que?
ROTFLMAO!
I'm still a bit ambivalent about what it means for culture, but I'd be lying if I said that I'd rather waste 2-3 minutes talking on the phone to get one sentence worth of info sandwiched between a bunch of social graces versus receiving that sentence via a text.
If nothing else, texting has demonstrated to me how much time is wasted with pleasantries while you're on the phone and how little of the time is spent communicating.
See, this is why we Fremonsters go low-tech. No cell phone leash, no watch, no RFID in our passports.
I'm admittedly probably older than the average SLOG reader. Maybe it is a generational thing. I loath text messaging. On the rare occasion that someone sends me a text message, I call them back. I have never sent a text message in my life.
Holy fuck, I feel old.
Oh, and "Stephanie"'s drama was hysterical.
And IM is just chat for people too lazy to post streaming video anyway ...
I'm 21. But at night, I shed my skin and live my secret, textless existence as an ornery 93-year-old man.
i hope that means you are planning a OMGWTFBBQ... i'll bring the corn dogs. text me with the date...
idk, my bff jill?
WTF is the OMGWTFBBQ taking place?
WTF-when/why/where/what the fuck
tsnf.
Ever try to call 10 people and find out what they're doing on Saturday night? It's so much easier to just write a text and send it to 10 people.
As for the abbreviations, I can't fucking stand 'em. Every time I see someone use "LOL" in an email, I imagine they've suddenly taken on the voice of a 14 year old valley girl.
Despite the above painful and pointless (but entertaining) conversation, texting is GREAT. It's passive, non-intrusive, here's-the-deal, be-there- or-don't, we'll-talk-when-I-see-you, look-at-your-phone-again-if-you-forget-the-plan. Perfect.
Texting is awesome. I do it 600 times a month. I text my neighbor who lives two doors down from me when we are watching TV shows at the same time, to talk about them. I also use texting at my desk, because my officemates hate hearing my phone conversations (this I know). It's also great for in meetings, restaurants, or in shows when the music is too loud to talk on the phone but you are trying to find your friend who is somewhere in the club. Put that shit on vibrate, hold it in your hand, and your answer is near.
TMI
Seriously.
Seriously.
Will: Srsly.
Texting actually does occupy a unique and useful niche ... not all of us who are old fogies (over 50) are hostile to the medium. I use it to communicate with one of my kids when the information or situation is just a tad awkward or untimely. TExting works much better than phone calls when you feel a bit awkward with a stepkid, or when you need to tell them that they owe money on the latest phone bill, or if they're out with friends and you know they don't want to stop and chat with a parent but you need to tell them you'll be in a movie and so call the other parent if they need something. And on New Year's Eve, with REALLY loud music, we all wished each other Happy New Year by texting. It's actually not bad, as inventions go.
Texting actually does occupy a unique and useful niche ... not all of us who are old fogies (over 50) are hostile to the medium. I use it to communicate with one of my kids when the information or situation is just a tad awkward or untimely. TExting works much better than phone calls when you feel a bit awkward with a stepkid, or when you need to tell them that they owe money on the latest phone bill, or if they're out with friends and you know they don't want to stop and chat with a parent but you need to tell them you'll be in a movie and so call the other parent if they need something. And on New Year's Eve, with REALLY loud music, we all wished each other Happy New Year by texting. It's actually not bad, as inventions go.
I'm 25, have never texted. I occasionally get them, and was angry when I was charged 20 cents on my bill! Am I supposed to refuse them?
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