Wow, this looks like a ton of fun! Havana, the makers of the best mojito in town, have just announced that they will be starting to show movies outside in their illustrious parking lot every Wednesday until the end of August. Which means. . .you get to drink outside! They will have lawn chairs so you don't have to sit on the ground while you watch these films (of course, when the DJs come on, the lawn chairs will move, and dancing will ensue).

Here's the schedule of movies and their requisite DJs:

Wednesday, July 25 -- SCARFACE (1983) with Soul One

Wednesday, August 1 -- DOGTOWN AND Z BOYS (2001) with Sean Cee

Wednesday, August 8 -- XANADU (1980) with El Toro

Wednesday, August 15 -- BLOWUP (1966) with DJs of the Emerald City Soul Club

Wednesday, August 22 -- GOODFELLAS (1990) with Cherry Canoe and very special guests

Classics, all of them. Seattle City Light is even going to come around every Wednesday and shut off the streetlight so that the parking lot will be completely dark. I'm personally excited for Blowup, a movie I've never been able to see all big and stuff. It's $5 to get past the parking lot gate, and there's free popcorn. The movies will show when it gets dark, between 9:30 and 10 pm.

Hey! Did you know about The Stranger's new bar guide? You can find new bars and review your favorite watering holes from all over the city. Do it!

Seattle's problem nightclubs, according to Greg Nickels:

J&M HOTEL & BAR, 201 First Ave. S.

VENOM, 2218 Western Ave.

TABELLA RESTAURANT & LOUNGE, 2333 Western Ave.

TIKI BOB'S CANTINA, 166 S. King St.

COWGIRLS, 421 First Ave. S.

BELLTOWN BILLIARDS, 90 Blanchard St.

LAST SUPPER CLUB, 124 S. Washington St.

WILD PALMS BAR & GRILL, 309 First Ave. S.

This does not look like fun. It looks rather sad:

As part of its summer programming to revitalize downtown’s Freeway Park, the Parks Department and Homestreet Bank are sponsoring Dancing ‘Til Dusk at Freeway Park. Free dancing will be held on an outdoor dance floor each Thursday evening in August. There will be live music and professional instruction for those who want to brush up their dance steps, as well as food and refreshments for purchase. Dancing ‘Til Dusk will be held in the Waterfall Plaza, at Sixth and Seneca in downtown Seattle. Instruction is 6-7 pm, and open dancing is held from 7-9 pm. No partner necessary.

First of all: You know who hated air conditioning? William Faulkner, who said that people who used it "were trying to get rid of the weather" and forbade it from his Mississippi home. You know who hated William Faulkner? His wife, who, the day after his funeral, got her revenge and bought a window unit.

More about Faulkner, his wife, and climate control at Maud Newton.

Second of all: Last night was the big debut for People's Republic of Komedy at Chop Suey and the air conditioning worked fine.

In fact, it felt like a debutante ball, with the PROK guys all nervous and twitchy and the crowd all loud and drunky. (In a friendly way.) Some notes:

• The crowd was sizable for a debut night of standup comedy. The door guy said there were around 120 people there, which would have maxed out PROK's old home at CHAC.

• Chop Suey's interior design allows the audience to be more vicious. At CHAC, there was a wall between the stage and the bar, so the bored and the chatty could leave bad comics to torture their audiences undisturbed. In Chop Suey's one big room, when the comic starts bombing, the decibel level shoots up, the comic crashes, and the satisfying smell of schadenfreude fills the air.

• There was a drink holder made of black wire on the mic stand, which, sadly, went unused.

• The lurid red light of Chop Suey gave Emmett Montgomery's clown monologue (that starts with "listen Timmy, I know you're a good kid because I've been living under your bed for five years and can hear your dreams" and ends with "there are two kinds of clowns in the world—the ones who put on makeup to look like clowns so they can go to the birthday parties and the clowns who put on makeup to look like people so they can go to the liquor store") a whole new glaze of creepy.

• There were, as there must be, some bombers. The guy on tour from Nashville was wretched. It's always gratifying to watch the macho, old-style comedians begin to sweat when they realize their dick jokes and chick jokes and "what's up with Quizno's?" routines aren't going anywhere with the Laff Hole crowd. Again: schadenfreude!

• Happily, Nashville guy was the lone stinker. Andy Peters was one of my favorites with his raving, sad weirdness, ending every joke with "fuck you dad" and a sip of beer. Delivery is everything so it's no use transcribing jokes, but his commercials for gas ("it makes your car go, so fuck you") were fantastic.

• As the last comics walked on stage, Emmett stood in the back, checked his watch, and gasped a little. "It's after midnight," he marveled. "It not my fault these bitches don't know when to leave." But us bitches weren't going anywhere. We stayed for the last joke and clapped big.

Tonight, People's Republic of Komedy's Laff Hole makes its Chop Suey debut. Brendan Kiley wrote about PROK's split with former home CHAC here. It should be noted that Chop Suey has air conditioning.

So you're weary of hearing about Capitol Hill's fresh splendors in the realm of drinking/eating/having-of-fun—I would submit that you are one billion times better off at Smith, Cafe Presse, the new Cha Cha, or the old Cha Cha, a.k.a. Pony, than at downtown's new Daily Grill (it's now open!).

However, one billion new bars are now open in other neighborhoods as well for your fresh drinking/eating/having-of-fun pleasure, e.g.: The Local Vine, a new wine bar at Second and Vine brought to you by two women who attended Harvard Business School (oddly, much is being made of this fact, while it seems more salient that Jason Wilson of Crush created the menu); Saké Nomi, a premium sake bar in Pioneer Square (open for business, officially grand-opening in a few weeks—meanwhile, endearingly, they say: "we'll greatly appreciate your patience…if it appears that we don't know what we're doing"); the new incarnation of the Lobo on Eastlake, called Victory Lounge (which looks, unfortunately, cleaned up—my primary memory of the Lobo involves a bartender wearing a frilly apron that lifted to reveal a large set of male genitalia crafted out of stuffed pantyhose); the behemoth Tap House Grill in downtown's retail core (160 beers on tap, sibling of Bellevue's behemoth Tap House Grill); and, in Wallingford, Babalu: The Mambo Room (in the former Wonder Bar space and, according to myspace, a single 26-year-old Leo female, occupation: bar).

Soon, also: Kurrent on Pine, grand-opening on July 21, bringing (at last) an ice bar to Seattle—formerly, one had to journey to the Eastside's The Parlor for a frozen stripe of water upon which to rest one's drink: no more.

Bar Exam will dutifully be covering all this hot bar action in the coming weeks, even though Bar Exam's liver hurts just thinking about it.

And P.S.: In the chow category, note that Matt's in the Market has at last now re-opened.

Pony is not open quite yet. It was scheduled to open at 8pm, but that has been pushed back to 9pm. Marcus is downstairs hooking up a DJ mixer. Barry is training bar tenders on the cash register. But all the porn is ready to go.

And yes, Fnarf, it's going to be very gay.

Marcus Wilson's sleazy new gay dive, Pony, opens tonight at 8pm at the site of the old Cha Cha Lounge (506 E Pine st).

Hell yes!

I don't want muscle in on Bethany Clement's turf--Clement writes the Stranger Bar Exam column, and Bethany could kill me with a whispered aside--but I stopped in at Smith, Linda Derschang's new bar on Capitol Hill. Bethany was at Smith too, and she was taking notes, so odds are good that her column next week will detail Smith's strengths and weaknesses.

Not that I detected any weaknesses. I think Linda may have successfully lifted the curse on the space, 332 15th Ave. E., which has been home to a string of failed bars, taverns, and smokehouses. Unlike the bars that came after whatever bar it was that came first, Linda started over. She gutted the space and built a completely new bar.

A few of nice touches: The place is darker, thanks to low lighting, a black ceiling, and new dark wood booths. The wainscoting on the walls, Linda told me, was salvaged from Garfield High School, which is currently being renovated, as were the doors to the bathrooms. There are taxidermied animals on the walls, lots of deer heads and stuffed birds, which means our resident taxidermy-phobe, Dave Schmader, won't be drinking at Smith. The menu looks great, although I didn't order anything--the place was packed, and I'll come back and check out the food, which looked good, another night.

My favorite touch: Smith has two long tables, meant to be shared, which means people are going to have to crowd in with each other and interact--which is perfect for a bar in Seattle.

Can I just say that I'm extremely excited about the opening of Pony--which Eric covered in his column this week. It's not because I approve of glory holes, mind you. But I love super sleazy gay bars, even if I like to think I'm not super sleazy myself. So I'm looking forward to drinking at Pony... even if... uh... I'll be pissing at Linda's.

Smith opens next week...

I got to the bar at 5:30 PM.

At 6:00 PM I left--without having a drink. The place was crowded, but not completely packed, so there's no excuse. I mean, you're a bar that doesn't serve food--all you do is drinks and if you can't get drinks into peoples' hands in less than a half an hour... well, what's the point? There was one bartender and one cocktail waitress on and based on my experience just now I'd say that's clearly not enough staff for a Friday at 5:30 PM--you know, happy hour, after-work drinks, beginning of the weekend. WTF?

Woulda, coulda, shoulda had two cocktails. Didn't have one, left without spending a cent. Staff up, would you?

I went out last night to pound the pavement to bring you some riveting accounts from Seattle's finest. I asked everyone in the video just one simple question, "How Was It?" The rest was up to them. Thanks to everyone on Capitol Hill last night who indulged me.

Continue reading "How Was It?: The Streets" »

...In Reno. But this could be what the future holds for Seattle if our council can't come together to show some leadership on music and nightlife issues. This story from Reno involves Seattle band the Degenerate Art Ensemble, former Seattle resident Britt Curtis, and a pastor named John Auer (I think not OUR Jon Auer, but things change).

Britt is leading an all-ages music and art space called The Holland Project, which was sited for "disturbing the peace" and shut down just before the Degenerate Art Ensemble could perform. The Vietnam vet with a crocheted American-flag wreath hanging on his door who made the complaints that resulted in The Holland Project being shut down says, "I shouldn't have to put up with all the teenagers."

Our council needs to keep this in mind when crafting new noise rules or strengthening current nuisance laws to deal with nightlife issues. One pissed off old dude who doesn't like teenagers can stir up a lot of shit. With new condos moving in across from the new Vera Project I wonder how long it will be until a similar thing happens there. However we solve the current nightlife issues, we need to create rules that won't allow one neighbor to ruin a venue that serves thousands of people.

I recently began chaperoning my 14-year-old niece and her candy-raver friends at parties. Before we enter I them ask them not to eat pills, and then keep an eye out to make sure they don’t drink from random water bottles or smoke. That's basically my role. Last night we went to a party called “Jello in the Sky with Diamonds,” which promised—you guessed it—Jello wrestling!

These were the highlights and lowlights: A girl named Angel gave me two glow bracelets and a cherry-flavored ring-pop, the Jello room was packed with half-naked teenagers who stunk like blue-raspberry Kool-Aid and feet, my niece stepped in a pool of blue vomit, one DJ played an entire set that sounded like a giant dental drill pulsating in a walrus tusk, and the police came. Back when Seattle’s rave scene was still fetal, the arrival of police meant the party was over, but last night the two cordial officers only helped tackle a creepy old man suspected of dosing kids with GHB… and the beats went on.

As for partying as a geriatric raver (nearly 30 now), it's kinda weird—the scene has changed since I went to warehouse parties in the mid-nineties. The parties start earlier, like 9 p.m., and end before the sun rises. The DJs are still a gamble, but their sets and body language are more masturbatory now. House is all but dead, replaced by Happy Hardcore, Breaks and countless permutations of Trance. About half the kids are rolling, but the other half, including myself, are stone-cold sober. Nobody is on acid, but they all have glow sticks to give each other psychedelic “light shows.” The styles are more cookie-cutter and distinct: candy-tastic, emo-riffic, or poser-ous. My niece’s look is archetypical, with regalia that includes about a half-pound of candy—those bright plastic beads connected by thin elastic string—which covers all the skin between her wrists and elbows and everything from her collarbone up to her ears, a necklace with an enormous clear acrylic unicorn bust, and a powder-pink tutu. Her friends are adorned with similar garb. I stand out as looking plainly dressed and post-pubescent.

Hello Moe! A week from today, on May 30th, brand spankin' new Moe Bar is having a Grand Opening Bash. It's hard to believe that this re-invented space used to be the Bad Ju Ju Lounge. The new space is frickin gorgeous... Says Jason Lajuenesse, a co-owner of Neumo’s and Moe Bar, “We wanted to evoke the music history of this space and all the good times we had here as Moe’s a decade ago, and connect that with all that’s happening in Seattle’s amazing music scene right now.” True that. The poster art, from Moe shows past, is enough to make any Seattleite nostalgic...

Big congrats to Jason, these happy guys, and everyone else who busted their ass to make Moe Bar a reality.

Then, as everyone probably knows, The Cha Cha Lounge and Bimbo's Bitchin Burrito Kitchen is moving on up on the Hill, to the former Des Amis spot at 1013 E Pike. Doors pop open there on June 14th.

Bimbo's will be upstairs, and the Cha Cha Lounge will be tucked away downstairs. The decor is already starting to look crazy and awesome in the true tradition of superstar owners Jeff Ofelt and Wade Weigel...

It was also announced, official yesterday, that the old Cha Cha space at 506 E Pine, will remain OPEN until it's demolition. A little bird told me the space will be transformed into something best described as a "den of queer punk debauchery". What?! WHO DARE try to make a bar that's both queer AND punk? Stay tuned...

Broken Disco

(CLUB NIGHT) Last month's debut of Broken Disco was a blast. But it was just a taste of what Seattle's electronic scene—represented here by Decibel, Fourthcity, Shameless, and Sensory Effect—can pull off. Tonight, the bass and the BPMs will pump courtesy of booty-breakcore prodigy Knifehandchop and NYC's low-end maestro Passions. With local support from SunTzu Sound in the main room and ndCv and Nordic Soul in the 21-plus "make-out room," this month's installment should be even more off-the-wall fun than last time. (Chop Suey, 1325 E Madison St, 324-8000. 9 pm—4 am, $10/$6 after 2 am, 18+.) ERIC GRANDY