??!! Holding Out For a Hero
posted by on May 1 at 10:32 AM
Citizen Prime has been fighting crime in Arizona since January. Here is a link to a news story about him, and here is his MySpace page, which features his introductory video (a failed audition tape for the second season of Who Wants To Be a Superhero).
I’m kind of obsessed with this guy: is he serious? He claims to have the power of hyper-intuition, and then he “primes” people, or releases their inner superhero through what sounds like a series of self-help truisms. Are the police really letting him drive around with a taser and a gun that fires tear gas? Is he really married? Do he and his (no doubt long-suffering) wife really have a baby (or “sidekick,” as he says on his MySpace blog) on the way? How many people has he primed?
Most importantly, when does Seattle get its very own superhero? (Transit Man ((scroll down)) doesn’t count, as he doesn’t own a taser.) I figure we have enough fantastically-wealthy nerds who’ve read both Atlas Shrugged and Marvels one too many times; the law of averages demand that Seattle has earned its very own Citizen Prime. He’s gotta be strong, and he’s gotta be fast, and he’s gotta be fresh from the fight, and he’s probably out on the Microsoft Campus right now, trying to decide if a purple cape and red leggings would clash.
We used to have Great Guy - http://www.myspace.com/greatguy - but I believe he has relocated to a different Metropolis.
I'm going spandex shopping right now.
I am known throughout the land as All Talk and No Action Man.
Before that I was Bull Fucking Shit Man.
Evildoers, cower before me.
Link is kind of a super evil villain. . .But who will defeat him?
The world of real life superheroes is strange and wonderful. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Real-life_superhero for lots more examples. I kind of love Terrifica.
Has anyone seen Nastyman? He's from seattle and he's on myspace.
The simple solution is to have a contest: The Seattle Superhero Challenge!
Hell, if this country ever needed a hero, it's now.
I'm holding out for Xena!
Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiyahyahyah!!!!
I administer vigilante justice! If someone parks outside of the parking space lines, I key their car.
Just kidding. I used to do that, but I quit when I stopped drinking. I've been sober for almost a week now.
Oh, Captain Seattle, where are you when we really need you?
Parkinlot Timmy scolded me for jaywalking.
What am I, chopped liver?
http://www.myspace.com/thewhoosh
Thanks a lot, Paul. Now I have that fucking song stuck in my head.
Seriously, no one remembers Capable Woman?
That said, I like to crush underwater tunnels with my keyboard ... does that count?
I'd like a superhero who smashed the windows of assholes who intentionally block intersections.
@15, Gitai
I was crossing the street at Howell near I-5. Some dumb bitch was blocking traffic because she didn't clear the intersection when her light turned red. As I crossed in front of her, cars in front of her moved and she started honking at me to hurry up so she could clear the intersection. I called her a "fucking idiot" and when she yelled back at me I smacked her passenger window. That's when her meathead boyfriend jumped out and put a hand around my neck. I didn't flinch (I was gonna run), but thankfully a 7-foot-tall-couple-hundred-pound-giant pedestrian-superhero witness came to my aid. (Meanwhile the fucking idiot was blocking traffic still and had no where to pull over while she waited for her boyfriend.)
I felt like a hero. But I need that giant sidekick.
There's also BLINDIO:
http://vlog.storypipe.com/wp-content/movies/STIFF_blindio.mov
Someone actually read "Atlas Shrugged" more than once? I had a had enough time just finishing it.
Rand sucks. Only a retard would base their political beliefs on the writings of a third rate romance novelist. She was just in a permanent bad mood because Daddy lost his pharmacy to the commies or something dumb like that.
With all due respect I have to object to your grounds for my dismissal as a SuperHero for Seattle. I may not have a taser, but, I do have sparkly red boots. Besides, fighting crime by bagging the occasional non-descript thug is a tiresome protocol for heroically serving the public good. I save the world by taking public transportation. It is a grim truth to life that we don't always get to choose what our special powers are, anymore than a city gets to pick its Superheroes. I live here, and my powers are as much a reflection of Seattle as the rain is. If I lived in a brighter city I wouldn't have to wear Red and Yellow, possibly the worst colors for a costume ever dreamed up. Still, I have a job to do and so do you.
As for the taser crack, here's Peter Coogan's Definition of a SuperHero and it seems that Seattle already enjoys the benefit of several (Hi Woosh):
Su.per.he.ro (soo'per hîr'o) n., pl. -roes. 1. A heroic character with a selfless, pro-social mission; who possesses superpowers, advanced technology, or highly developed physical and/or mental skills; who has a superidentity and iconic costume, which typically express his biography or character, powers, and origin (transformation from ordinary person to superhero); and is generically distinct, i.e. can be distinguished from characters of related genres (fantasy, science fiction, detective, etc.) by a preponderance of generic conventions. Typically superheroes have dual identities, the ordinary one of which is kept secret. -superheroic, adj. Also super hero, super-hero (Trademark).
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