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Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Ezell’s Under Attack

posted by on May 13 at 14:21 PM

After two and a half relatively crime-free decades, Ezell’s Famous Chicken—the Central District mainstay and Official Feeder of Oprah(TM)—has been experiencing a rash of robberies.

As KIRO reports:

“Within the last four months, we have been broken into more times than the entire time we have been at the corner here (at 23rd Avenue East and East Jefferson Street),” said President Lewis Rudd. Surveillance video showed a man breaking a side window early Saturday morning after the restaurant closed, looking for cash inside the business and then fleeing when an alarm sounded.

They said they were surprised by the burglary because Ezell’s has a reputation for giving former criminals a second chance and a job—something they said they are willing to do with this burglar. “It’s disheartening, (a) sad situation. I would ask the guy come in. I will give you a job. It will be better for you in the long run. I know he must be down on his luck,” Rudd said.

Dear robbers: Leave Ezell’s alone. If you must rob someplace, rob Chili’s.

RSS icon Comments


I would love to see a heartwarming story about KFC. Apparently Ezell's is okay because the clog arteries on a small scale.

Posted by dreamboatcaptain | May 13, 2008 2:27 PM

I would love to see a heartwarming story about KFC. Apparently Ezell's is okay because they clog arteries on a small scale.

Posted by dreamboatcaptain | May 13, 2008 2:27 PM

I'm a vegetarian, so all my info is hearsay, but from what I've heard Ezell's is okay because the food is delicious, and KFC is not because the food tastes like someone crapped in your mouth.

Posted by David Schmader | May 13, 2008 2:30 PM

Ezell's is a part of and gives back to its community, dreamboatcaptain. You think just because they both fry chicken they're the same company?

FYI, sarcasm doesn't make you sound smart or witty.

Posted by Carollani | May 13, 2008 2:31 PM

Ezell's is also ok because they're a local independent establishment that gives back to the community.

And the chicken is delicious!

Posted by genevieve | May 13, 2008 2:32 PM

I just get so sick of people who always want to believe a local or independent business is intrinsically good. I would love if Ezell's became a nation-wide chain, spreading heart disease across America, and then I could come back to you same people who defend them now and see what you have to say then.

Posted by dreamboatcaptain | May 13, 2008 2:38 PM

Ezell's doesn't like non-theists.

Posted by pox | May 13, 2008 2:40 PM

At least rapists and murderers get a fair trial. Intelligent, feeling chickens who committed no crime are sentenced to death in indutrial scale concentration camps for no good reson except somebody is looking for a little more flavor in their next meal. No parole for them, let alone anyone offering them a second chance to start over on the outside.

Oh, but it's delicious! It's delicious! Delicious! What is it about that word that supposedly carries so much power over you? We get it. You find it delicious. Control yourself why don't you. Control your desires instead of being so proud of sating every little urge and want. At least don't brag that you ate something; it's not a great accomplishment.

Posted by elenchos | May 13, 2008 2:41 PM

Back in the 70s downturn our house wasn't far from Ezell's. In the worst of that recession we were burgled seven times in one twelve-month period. Ah well. My mom was only mad the first time, mostly because she had just bought a "stereo" to upgrade from the hi-fi, and when it was taken the burglar also got her longtime favorite eight-track tape: Roberta Flack's "Feel Like Makin' Love." I was glad they didn't get my own kiddie record player, which had on it my favorite LP, "A Journey to San Francisco With the Glups."

Posted by tomasyalba | May 13, 2008 2:42 PM

Depends on what you ate.

Posted by pox | May 13, 2008 2:42 PM

@8, they don't like atheists? But I think it is great they are willing to offer a hand up to people. KFC Corporate Executeives would demand the robbers be locked up then executed. Afterall, white folks want the blood of criminals, not mercy, flowing down the streets!

Posted by Cato the Younger Younger | May 13, 2008 2:44 PM

@9, absolutely, as if "it's delicious" is a moral argument for why we should care nothing about the pain and suffering of another being as long as it's not human.

Posted by cmaceachen | May 13, 2008 2:48 PM

@12: "KFC Corporate Executives would demand the robbers be locked up then executed." I know you're exaggerating here, but have you been in a KFC lately? My guess is at least 25% of the people behind the counter have criminal records.

Posted by dreamboatcaptain | May 13, 2008 2:49 PM

If it makes you feel better Elenchos, the intelligent chickens don't feel much after their heads are ripped off.

Posted by El Seven | May 13, 2008 2:50 PM

7: Your blind cynicism is boring and off base. If you learned anything about Ezell's you'd know that they actively participate in the community and support many positive local events and individuals. If it's so offensive to you for people to believe all independent businesses are good then you should be wise enough to know that the opposite is just as stupid. Jackass.

Posted by Carollani | May 13, 2008 2:51 PM

Dear robbers: Leave the place that's less likely to press charges when you're caught alone.

Posted by umvue | May 13, 2008 2:53 PM

when the fuck did slog become the chicken liberation front HQ?

Posted by StC | May 13, 2008 2:55 PM

Wow, and here I thought you'd be getting attacked for saying "rob Chili's".

Maybe robbing Ezell's is a new extreme form of job application?

Posted by Fnarf | May 13, 2008 2:57 PM

@16: I'm sure they do good stuff. I'm sure they are quite possibly wonderful people with the best of intentions. But if the KFC was broken into, would it illicit the same sympathies?

Posted by dreamboatcaptain | May 13, 2008 2:58 PM

Hearing all this chicken liberation makes me hungry for some fried chicken!! YUM YUM!!! And I want to pick the chicken and take my ax and cut it's head off. (and yeah they DO really run around like a chicken with it's head cut off, rather funny actually if you have seen it).

Then you take the dead body and boil it in hot water and remove the feathers then clean the inside of it out.

But still, I love fried chicken!!!! YUMMY!

Posted by Cato the Younger Younger | May 13, 2008 3:00 PM

Please don't feed the dumbass trolls.

That being said, I have to say that Ezell's is delicious and a local business that does good things. However, that doesn't mean you should eat there every day; a once in awhile fried chicken feast (or, in my case, a liver and gizzard feast) is not going to kill you.

Posted by michael strangeways | May 13, 2008 3:01 PM

Do you eat fish elenchos? I'm not trying to imply anything if you do. I'm just looking for arguments to justify my own vegaquariumism (I hate that word) because mine are starting to run thin. Thanks.

Posted by Jerod | May 13, 2008 3:03 PM

Carollani@16: I love you

Posted by chris | May 13, 2008 3:04 PM

@20: No, it wouldn't.

Posted by Eric F | May 13, 2008 3:05 PM

Nature designed us to be omnivores. Our bodies have the ability to digest both plant and animal protein. There is a reason why bacon (or fried chicken) smells and tastes so good - your body is telling you to eat it! But I do understand that there are very good arguments for eating less (or different kinds of) meat, but this "meat is murder" bullshit is just stupid.

Posted by PJ | May 13, 2008 3:07 PM


Yes Cato, like I said, we get it.

Posted by elenchos | May 13, 2008 3:07 PM

@22: Well said.

I just hate this kind of story because it feeds into a myth that people on the left tend to gobble up like fried chicken: small businesses should be glorified, big businesses are probably up to something.

Posted by dreamboatcaptain | May 13, 2008 3:08 PM

@12: The Lynnwood store has a sign that urges us to "Love and Honor God." I've always taken that to mean that they didn't want my business.

Posted by pox | May 13, 2008 3:09 PM

Non-sucky fried chicken is hard to find.  I'll have to check Ezell's out, for the 2 or 3 times a year that the craving strikes.

Posted by lostboy | May 13, 2008 3:11 PM

dreamboatcaptain @28 is the funniest thing I've read today.

Posted by lostboy | May 13, 2008 3:15 PM

Maybe they should deep fry the burglars. Mmmmm Five finger lickin' good.

Posted by Vince | May 13, 2008 3:20 PM

So Ezell's gives back to the community? It looks like KFC does too!

Posted by dreamboatcaptain | May 13, 2008 3:21 PM

I have noticed a bit more suspicious activity around the hood. The cops were all over the place after the shooting, but the presence has tapered off and the sketchy people loitering in their cars waiting for the deal to go down are back.

Shame Ezell's is the target. Is someone stealing the fryer grease?

Posted by Cato | May 13, 2008 3:30 PM

Main Entry: elic·it
Pronunciation: \i-ˈli-sət\
Function: transitive verb
Etymology: Latin elicitus, past participle of elicere, from e- + lacere to allure
Date: 1605
1 : to draw forth or bring out (something latent or potential)
2 : to call forth or draw out (as information or a response)

that's slightly different from ilicit (sic):
Main Entry: il·lic·it
Pronunciation: \(ˌ)i(l)-ˈli-sət\
Function: adjective
Etymology: Latin illicitus, from in- + licitus lawful — more at licit
Date: 1506
: not permitted : unlawful

Troll all you want, but please use the correct words.

Posted by Jessica | May 13, 2008 3:30 PM

Vegetarians are cranky as hell. (And still humorless.)

Posted by Abby | May 13, 2008 3:33 PM

I apologize, and shall always spellcheck my entries on message boards from here on out.

Posted by dreamboatcaptain | May 13, 2008 3:35 PM

I'm sorry to hear that fried chicken experiences such a hideous death.

That's why I prefer lightly grilled, skin-off chicken breast with baby carrots and chinese broccoli on a bed of creamy polenta.

It's much more humane.

Posted by NapoleonXIV | May 13, 2008 3:43 PM


Posted by Timmay! | May 13, 2008 3:48 PM

This one relatively innocuous posting has sparked displays of rage at local businesses, national chains, meat eaters, vegetarians, religious believers and poor spellers. What is up with you people? Fried chicken doesn't get your blood pressure up half-as-fast as an average Slog post. You people have got to get another hobby - this one is killing you!

Posted by Gurldoggie | May 13, 2008 4:11 PM

Fuck, I'm hungry!

As a matter of fact, I DO feel like chicken tonite!

Posted by michael strangeways | May 13, 2008 4:25 PM

dreamboat, KFC makes the news a lot here on SLOG:

Posted by Chalupa | May 13, 2008 4:26 PM

@37 dude I think you missed the point. spell check would not solve your grammatical errors, just spelling.

pretty embarrassing if you ask me, so egg of your face fool.

and @9 chickens adds more than a "little flavor"? get real, fo real. but man, I must say, pork adds the MOST flavor. now tofu on your face punk.

Posted by cochise. | May 13, 2008 4:26 PM

@36 - not when you tickle them.

Well, except for a few.

But most vegetarians like being tickled, in my personal experience.

Posted by Will in Seattle | May 13, 2008 4:39 PM

@43: It makes me so happy that you also made an error by using the term "egg OF your face" in your post about how I should be deeply humiliated about improper spelling on a message board. But I do have to give you points for self-righteous pointing while not checking your own spelling... that captures the true spirit on a message board!

On that note, I am glad to say I started this whole nonsense!

Posted by dreamboatcaptain | May 13, 2008 4:50 PM

why do some vegetarians want to control what other people do for the sake of animals that exist merely for the consumption of people?

why can't people decide whether to eat fried chicken or not? why does something potentially unhealthy necessarily warrant it being banned or crapped upon by other people. shall we lock up all the people that have unprotected sex?

freedom to choose; powerful and without harm to anyone not making the choice (and if there is there are legal options available or taxes to pay for externalities)

Posted by Bellevue Ave | May 13, 2008 4:54 PM

LOL @ 43 via 37 to 45

Funniest exchange in days

Posted by Non | May 13, 2008 4:55 PM

@46: I don't think anybody is suggesting we ban meat. And I know lots of vegetarians, my mom and myself included, that are more than happy to cook meat for their omnivorous friends and family. It's totally a choice. Although I would disagree with your dismissal of "animals that exist merely for... consumption [by] people." I'm pretty sure those animals would disagree with you there too.

Also: Fuck you murderer!!!

Posted by Jerod | May 13, 2008 5:08 PM

You know what's delicious? Guacamole. I had a very hard time not eating a whole thing of it just now. Mmmmmm, guacamole!

Posted by Levislade | May 13, 2008 5:11 PM

Unless you are a plant, you live off the deaths of other living things. Humans killing and eating other animals is neither good nor evil because nature is neither good nor evil. It simply is.

Posted by Greg | May 13, 2008 5:18 PM


I've personally given up on trying to "convert" people, but I still think I can answer your question. For myself, anyway.

The point is NOT why they were bred, or even that they are killed. The point is that the vast majority of animals raised for food in this country are treated inhumanely. They suffer. A lot. Basically, their only experience of life is suffering. I find that to be morally indefensible. And the critters can't stage a revolution. They are powerless. Which is why I used to waste my time advocating for them.

I eventually realized that people don't really care about morality. They care about fines/incarceration. If it's legal, OR they can get away with it, they mostly just don't care. The pushy veggies haven't given up on you giving a damn. Give them some credit for speaking up for suffering individuals who can't speak for themselves.

I'm so silly as to care. So, for me, the easy answer is to stop buying (and eating, but buying is the important part) meat. But it's possible to get meat from humanely-raised animals. There are still environmental and health problems associated with them, and I do well on a vegan diet, so I don't bother. But if I needed to eat meat for some reason, I'd look carefully at my sources.


Posted by violet_dagrinder | May 13, 2008 5:19 PM

@49 Yuck.

As far as small businesses go, the Republicans are slowly convincing me that small businesses only exist to help justify tax cuts for CEOs of large businesses.

Posted by Mike of Renton | May 13, 2008 5:21 PM

Jeebuz, I miss a little slogging because of Jury Duty, and all hell breaks loose...

And need I point out that animals don't have the intellectual capacity to agree or disagree about anything - that's one reason why they're SO DELICIOUS!

Anybody who says otherwise clearly hasn't spend much time around livestock, poultry or the like - fenceposts have more emotional and intellectual capacity, truly.

Which is not to say eating at Ezell's on a regular basis is necessarily good for you either, but do keep in mind folks, it ain't the chicken that'll kills ya, it's the yummy, yummy deep-fat frying oil that'll take you on a one-way trip to Coronary-town

Posted by COMTE | May 13, 2008 5:28 PM


Intelligence is not the same as capacity to suffer. By that logic, there would be no moral problm with torturing retarded people.

Chickens are dumb, but they act like they feel pain, they have the physiological capacity to feel pain, they have the evolutionary incentive to feel pain. . . makes sense to think that they feel pain.

Posted by violet_dagrinder | May 13, 2008 5:31 PM

@48: I think the point was that if all meat-eaters went vegetarian tomorrow, the vast majority of the animals currently killed for meat wouldn't be released to roam free in the countryside. They would never be born in the first place.

In other words, if there are X number of chickens raised each year for food, and X number of chickens killed each year for food, and we eliminate all demand for X number of chicken deaths by burning every KFC and Ezell's to the ground, there will not be X chickens running around and having chicken parties and chicken outings to see Iron Man 2. There will be X less chickens born every year in the U.S.

Is it better for X chickens to live and then die, or for them never to have lived at all?

Posted by Scalpel | May 13, 2008 5:33 PM


I think it's possible to have such a shitty quality of life that it's not worth living, yeah. And I think that the vaaaaast majority of animals raised for food fall into that category. I don't think most people realize just how badly they are treated. There's plenty of documentation/video out there, for those who are interested in knowing what they are funding. Awful stuff.

It doesn't have to be that way. But most people aren't willing to pay what it would cost to give the animals lives worth living.

Posted by violet_dagrinder | May 13, 2008 5:36 PM

There is some reason why there is this repetition of the same words: delicious, yummy, tasty. I guess the closest thing I can think of is the way junkies talk about heroin. They don't really care about anything except that it "feels so good." It FEELS SO GOOD! They won't talk about why they take heroin except to endlessly repeat that it feels good.

As if you didn't know that it feels good. Of course it feels good; it's heroin for fuck's sake.

So yes. Everyone, but everyone, agrees meat is "deliiiiiicious". So stipulated. Really. Nobody every said it wasn't. Yet still, they'll keep repeating those words, delicious, yummy, tasty. Delicious, yummy, tasty, ad infinitum, ad nauseum .

It's the mechanism of addition to cling to these base desires and ignore everything else.

Posted by elenchos | May 13, 2008 5:37 PM

That's not fair elenchos. Poppies don't have the ability to feel pain.

Posted by Jerod | May 13, 2008 5:43 PM

@56: I absolutely agree that the quality of life of food animals should be raised. I don't think they all need to have personal foot baths and giant hamster wheels, but the conditions should be vaguely tolerable.

Will that satisfy the most strident vegetarians? No, they won't be happy until all animal products are eliminated from our diet and our lifestyles. But it will make us all feel better about biting into our burger, and I'd be fine paying a little extra for that.

Posted by Scalpel | May 13, 2008 5:48 PM


Well said.

It is true that humans are made to eat meat, as was pointed out earlier. Yet, as the ever astute Bellvue Ave. stated we do have the choice to choose. Just because you aren't seeing these terrible factory farms, these hormone injections, these animals suffering, doesn't mean that it isn't happening. You know that it is happening, and you know that there are other ways to feed yourself and keep yourself happy that doen't involve you supporting these massive industries that make a profit by torturing living things. You choose to support it. Great. However, it has be said that you can judge a society based on how they treat their animals. That seems a bit saccharine, however, I do think there is a really ugly sense of entitlement that comes with being an American and when anyone points out that perhaps as a culture we don't need to eat meat three meals a day, and that to obtain healthy meat it means that the price may go up people flip their shit. No one is saying you are wrong to want to eat meat, but you are wrong to support the industry. You can say all day that animals exist only for consumption, but knowing all the other shit going on it just makes you an Asshole.

Posted by misspennycandy | May 13, 2008 5:51 PM

@45 dude, you missed the point AGAIN! i have no problem with fucked up spelling or fucked up should be obvious. others might, but not me.

i DO have a problem with you not knowing the difference between a grammer and a spell checker. debe ser profundamente humillada!

ahora, huevo en su CARA!

Posted by cochise. | May 13, 2008 6:11 PM

uh, dude #61 -- i'm sure you're a very gifted child but yes i understand that spellcheck would not catch an incorrect spelling of a word if that incorrect spelling happened to also be a real word.

You might be missing the irony of calling someone out on their grammar/syntax/spelling and then not checking your spelling. But good job knowing an obscure language like Spanish.

Posted by dreamboatcaptain | May 13, 2008 6:24 PM

@50- To be fair, plants get a lot of mileage out of decomposed matter, such as dead everything.

Posted by Garth | May 13, 2008 6:50 PM

Also, both of you assholes have missed some capitalization. Assholes.

Posted by Garth | May 13, 2008 6:54 PM

The fact that factory farming is cruel, as well as environmentally disastrous and ultimately unsustainable, is a pretty good argument. The fact that animals have functioning nervous systems is also a pretty good argument, at the very least for practicing Temple Grandin-style measures to reduce or eliminate the suffering of food livestock.

"Meat is Murder," however, is not an argument, it's just a dumb, inflammatory slogan. And the reason it's dumb and kinda offensive to a lot of people, myself included, is because it basically says animals are people, which they aren't. It is possible to believe their suffering should be minimized without taking the further step of granting them the same full rights enjoyed by people. And anthropomorphizing animals to the extent that PETA does, besides being incredibly obnoxious, is just flat-out silly.

And elenchos, the reason people keep saying "yummy" etc is probably because they've heard this sermon about a gazillion times and are deliberately saying that to piss off the self-righteous vegans in their midst. You know, for laughs. Seems to be working like a charm.

Of course, it may be because Ezell's chicken really is delicious, which is true. I can't eat myself anymore, on accounta cholesterol issues. But still.

Posted by flamingbanjo | May 13, 2008 7:00 PM

dude @62 nope, I got the irony - it was great - but for your gotcha message to make any sense, and for the irony to be truly ironic, i would have to be the person calling you out on your spelling. i was not. that would be Jessica. get it yet? si?

and yes, i feel proud of the english i have leaned since i have been here. but i'm getting the sense that you're making fun of my home language by sarcastically calling it obscure. as if obscurity equals quality! way to make fun of an immigrant to prop your ass up, asshole. making fun of mexican americans seems to be the "in" thing nowadays. feel better?

my man nico is not going to be happy about this.

Posted by cochise. | May 13, 2008 7:19 PM

@64 only dudes named Garth are bothered by shit like that. it's the 2000s man - the era of Mad Max. anything goes. but keep on livin in the proper 90s.

Posted by cochise. | May 13, 2008 7:27 PM


PETA has a record of success that few animal welfare or environmental groups can match. Everyone bitches about their tactics, but when was the last time you saw someone wearing real fur? They have moved the center of the animal rights debate far from where it stood when they began, and other animal groups stood by in slackjawed wonder.

They were also the first, and for a time the only, major group, including Greenpeace and the Sierra Club, saying that cows are the #1 cause of global warming. Nobody else was willing to go there, but it is true and it needed to be said.

So when I say "meat is murder" and they respond by turning into Rush Limbaugh, it means I'm winning.

Posted by elenchos | May 13, 2008 7:59 PM

@66: As much as you'd like to turn yourself into the victim of internet message board racism, I was pointing out that if you want to say "Now egg on your face!" in a secret way, you might want to choose a more obscure language.

And who is Nico, and why is he vaguely threatening me?

Posted by dreamboatcaptain | May 13, 2008 8:32 PM

Actually Carollani sarcasm does make you sound smart and witty. just FYI

Posted by smart and witty | May 13, 2008 8:50 PM

#68: I guess. To me, anybody who gives their time and money to an organization that opposes chicken "torture" and not, say, Amnesty International, a group that opposes torture, has some seriously messed up priorities.

Posted by flamingbanjo | May 13, 2008 8:57 PM

Amnesty International can't even get the US to stop torturing. At least if you give money to PETA, you get results.

Posted by elenchos | May 13, 2008 9:35 PM

Yeah, PETA gets results. They slaughter pets at a faster kill rate than any other animal shelter in the US.


Posted by loopback | May 13, 2008 11:38 PM

Goddamn, I think I'm going to go buy a fur coat, eat some fried chicken, wipe my greasy fingers ON the fur coat, throw it away, and buy a new one to make up for all of the ridiculous seattle hippies posting in this blog.

Posted by Melissa | May 13, 2008 11:59 PM


Posted by HURRRKK | May 14, 2008 6:30 AM


I agree, "meat is murder" is not an argument, and I get frustrated with animal rights activists who go around making dumb arguments when there are extremely solid arguments to be made. My BA is in philosophy, and I focused heavily on ethics. None of my ethics profs knew of a good argument refuting Singer (of Animal Liberation fame). So, I emailed Singer and asked him who he thinks makes the strongest argument against him. He told me, I read the guy's book. . . still pretty weak.

Not that most people base their choices on the strength of philosophical arguments. I'm just sayin'. "Meat is murder" is a waste of everybody's time.

I know people do the "yummy" think as a response to the sermon. It's all very childish. We're making choices every damn day that matter. We should be able to have a discussion about them without it devolving into THAT. Yet, it always does.

Posted by violet_dagrinder | May 14, 2008 8:09 AM


If it is ridiculous to care about ethics, health, and the environment. . well. . . I'm delighted to be ridiculous. Thx. :)

Posted by violet_dagrinder | May 14, 2008 8:11 AM

elenchos, you ever been to NYC? they wear fur there ALL THE TIME!

Posted by Bellevue Ave | May 14, 2008 9:17 AM

I've learned bickering on the internet leads to nothing. Why dont you all meet up somewhere and duke it out? Vegans vs. Carnivores? oooh yeah brothers and sisters, it's BLOODBATH in the SQUARED CIRCLE can you feel the HULKAMANIA???

Posted by bobcat | May 14, 2008 11:49 AM

I can't believe some asswipe is actually defending PETA. If you care about animals, how about giving money to a group that actually saves more animals than it kills, like the SPCA. Dumbass.

Posted by F | May 15, 2008 1:58 AM


PETA spends less than one percent of its multi-million dollar budget actually helping animals. The group euthanized (killed) more than 1,900 animals in 2003 alone -- that's over 85 percent of the animals it received. In fact, from July 1998 through the end of 2003, PETA killed over 10,000 dogs, cats, and other "companion animals" at its Norfolk, Virginia headquarters. That's more than five animals every day. On its 2002 federal income-tax return, PETA claimed a $9,370 expense for a giant walk-in freezer, the kind most people use as a meat locker or for ice-cream storage. But animal-rights activists don't eat meat or dairy foods. So far, the group hasn't confirmed the obvious -- that it's using the appliance to store the bodies of its victims.

Posted by F | May 15, 2008 1:59 AM

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