Slog News & Arts

Line Out

Music & Nightlife

« Ooh, Sexism AND Racism | Ezell's Under Attack »

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Headline of the Day

posted by on May 13 at 14:07 PM

From the AP:

Vatican: It’s OK to believe in aliens

But what we really need to know, of course, is what the Vatican usually concerns itself with: Is it okay to sleep with aliens?

RSS icon Comments

1

I think so. Especially latinos. HOT!

Posted by DJSauvage | May 13, 2008 2:12 PM
2

No, but it is OK for priests to touch them.

Posted by Hernandez | May 13, 2008 2:16 PM
3

Only if they're female aliens.

Posted by Mr. Poe | May 13, 2008 2:18 PM
4

But should we convert them to Christianity and if they refuse shall we kill them?

Posted by Cato the Younger Younger | May 13, 2008 2:20 PM
5

Yes, provided certain conditions are met. Firstly, the aliens must be examined by a certified ecumenical expert and determined to possess the proper genitalia to qualify as one of the two biblically-recognized genders -- no "partials" or "extra bits" will be accepted. Second, the person engaging in intercourse must be a recognized member of the biblically-recognized "opposite" or "complementary" gender. Thirdly, it can only take place within the confines of a church-sanctioned marriage, and must be undertaken for the sole purpose of reproduction, i.e. "peopling the world." So it follows that Fourthly, both parties must be practicing Catholics in good standing. Since it is the One True Faith, there is every reason to believe that Catholicism is practiced throughout the universe, with more advanced civilizations consisting entirely of Catholics.

Also, no anal probing! Unless the alien is a priest.

Posted by flamingbanjo | May 13, 2008 2:23 PM
6

A Gilgamesh vagina is three feet long and filled with razor-sharp teeth! Do you seriously expect us to have sex with them?

Posted by vooodooo84 | May 13, 2008 2:24 PM
7

Only missionary.

Posted by violet_dagrinder | May 13, 2008 2:42 PM
8

Simple minds think alike.

Posted by Vince | May 13, 2008 2:43 PM
9

Simple minds "think" alike. Could they really get any more ridiculous? What next?
I mean, what is their "intrinsically disordered" problem? As we look out into the universe like never before and understand the nature of the universe like never before, these fools get ever more irrelevant and look ever more foolish. Something I didn't think was possible.

Posted by Vince | May 13, 2008 2:49 PM
10

I realize that it's a funny headline and we all love to poke fun at the Catholic Church, but it *is* really refreshing to hear from a religious authority who doesn't think that scientific inquiry is the work of the devil.

Especially in this godunforsaken country.

[Criticism-defying credentials: I am a Catholic-raised immigrant alien atheist.]

Posted by Big Adventure Steve | May 13, 2008 2:54 PM
11

@5 - Actually, according to the Catechism, you are officially allowed to have sex now just for the fun of it - providing you are also open to reproducing at the time. And provided you are in a church-recognized marriage. And provided your spouse is of the opposite sex. Oh, and provided you don't indulge in anything too kinky.

So much for enjoyment...

Posted by Sheryl | May 13, 2008 2:56 PM
12

Anal probes are fine, as long as it's not same-sex probing.

Posted by michael strangeways | May 13, 2008 3:12 PM
13

aren't they called Femailiens?

You learn so much about Faith and the Universe on Cinemax.

Posted by mcFly | May 13, 2008 3:37 PM
14

DJS @1 and Mr. Poe @3 are correct.

The rest of you are just ... sick.

Posted by Will in Seattle | May 13, 2008 3:38 PM
15

Hmm... That's a bit of a turnaround. Interesting to see such a thesis pushed with Ratzy in charge of things, so far as I knew the conservatives were still dead-set against life existing elsewhere.

Ah well, god knows they're probably only concerned with converting any we find, anyways.

Posted by Ferin | May 13, 2008 4:31 PM

Comments Closed

In order to combat spam, we are no longer accepting comments on this post (or any post more than 14 days old).