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Thursday, April 3, 2008

Maxim Mag Maestro Makes Muddled Murmurs Marking a Murderous Moment

posted by on April 3 at 9:59 AM

Via the Huffington Post:

Felix Dennis, the publisher of Maxim magazine, drunkenly confessed to committing a murder in an otherwise run-of-the-mill interview with a Times of London reporter:

He looks so intense that I ask him whether he’s ever fought with a man over a woman. “I’ve killed a man,” he says. What? “I’ve killed a man.” What do you mean, you’ve killed a man? “I killed him.” Does everyone know you’ve killed a man? “No, and they’ll never find out, either.” Are you kidding me? Are you winding me up? Where? In what country? “I killed him. That’s all you need to know. I killed him.”

Oh Felix, you’re having me on. “No.” Promise me. Swear to God… “He hurt her and I told him to stop and he kept on.” What did it feel like, then? “He hurt her.” What did you do? “Pushed him over the edge of a cliff.”

Are you sure you want to be telling me this? “Don’t care. Anybody harms one of mine… if they harm one of mine, they’d better know what they’re doing…”

The billionaire publisher later blamed the confession on drinking three or four bottles of wine, which is never a good idea when someone is interviewing you. I always thought that every billionaire had murdered at least one person with his or her bare hands, frankly. I figured it was some kind of initiation rite.

RSS icon Comments


felix dennis is a professional drunk, and that's all you need to know about him.

Posted by scary tyler moore | April 3, 2008 10:01 AM

Too bad Fnarf wasn't part of this rite of passage.

What with his Jenkum addiction and all...

Posted by ecce homo | April 3, 2008 10:08 AM

for the initiation to work it has to be a family member

Posted by Jiberish | April 3, 2008 10:10 AM

So what? Rappers boast about it all the time, and are lauded for it.

Posted by mo money mo problems | April 3, 2008 10:14 AM

Fucking smooth.

Posted by Mr. Poe | April 3, 2008 10:15 AM

Most rappers are lying.

Posted by Will in Seattle | April 3, 2008 10:20 AM

Four bottles of wine is never advisable, for anyone, anywhere. Three should be plenty.

Posted by Matthew | April 3, 2008 10:28 AM

7 posts and NO Fnarf?

Man, the guy must be taking a crap or something.

Posted by ecce homo | April 3, 2008 10:29 AM

Seven posts? Hell, a hundred and seven posts and no Dan Savage. Is he no longer with us (I notice he's not on the masthead any more).

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty | April 3, 2008 11:02 AM

He's on vacation, 5280.

Posted by Will in Seattle | April 3, 2008 11:30 AM

Lovely alliteration.

Doesn't he have handlers, like most rich people? Who let him do an interview after FOUR BOTTLES of wine? If I have more than a bottle and a half, I'm apt to act out in unbecoming ways. Four sounds downright deadly.

Posted by Aislinn | April 3, 2008 12:28 PM

Honore de Balzac: Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

Posted by --MC | April 3, 2008 12:39 PM

This was just a line he learned a long time ago to get him laid. He's repeated it over and over so many times to so many women that he now beleives it.

Posted by Gabe Global | April 3, 2008 4:31 PM

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