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Friday, June 29, 2007

I, Anonymous: It’s Elementary—Afternoon Delight

posted by on June 29 at 13:00 PM

Welcome to hour five of the I, Anonymous: It’s Elementary day-long bonanza, wherein a new I, Anonymous submission sent in by students at a local alternative elementary and middle school is revealed every hour on the hour. Can it be they’re only getting better??

Dear Emos, I hate you with a passion….you just to weird! All you do is mope around say pathetic things like “I hate life” its just really stupid how people care about you. But they really don’t because all you do is whine and mope around and all that and its really really annoying and when you not doing that its all about you. But its not! You just want attention because no one likes you. And I bet a lot of people would like you to burn in a hole while you cut yourself. So if you do burn in a hole bring all your other little emo buddies so you can burn together because no one likes them either. So ya’ll can die together and be one big happy emo family. So please leave all of us alone and be emo in your little corner at home and stop being so “controlling or protective” over people who don’t like you because it would make his/her life a lot easier without you being so protective and jealous over them. So please die in a hole my little emo friend. Thank you.

Good manners are always in fashion.

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These get successively more perfect.

Posted by Ari Spool | June 29, 2007 1:02 PM

But if they were a big happy emo family....they wouldn't be emo!!

I are so confuzed.

Posted by supergp | June 29, 2007 1:04 PM

Love it! That kid needs a medal.

Posted by Kate | June 29, 2007 1:05 PM

Do you all understand that this school has a middle school within it?

Posted by me | June 29, 2007 1:07 PM

That's right, feed their persecution complex.

Posted by Gitai | June 29, 2007 1:08 PM

i'm so goth, i'm emo

Posted by Joe Buck | June 29, 2007 1:10 PM

He remembered his "Please" and "Thank you." Wouldn't his Momma be proud? :D

Posted by Phelix | June 29, 2007 1:14 PM

You bring the shovel kid, and I'll bring the gasoline...

Posted by ecce homo | June 29, 2007 1:19 PM

Ah, what a delightful child.

Okay, Schmader. This one I totally buy. You may proceed.

Posted by SDA in SEA | June 29, 2007 1:20 PM

a: why is "controlling or protective" in quotes?
b: i still don't understand what emo is

Posted by erin | June 29, 2007 1:22 PM

At this point, emo is a generic term for "style I don't approve of."

Posted by supergp | June 29, 2007 1:26 PM

I'm a little disturbed by how violent this entry and the one about online gaming were. Lots of death and dying and killing. Hmmm.

Posted by Julie | June 29, 2007 1:28 PM

"please die in a hole my little emo friend"

is a refrain in search of a verse if ever I heard one.

Was Kurt reincarnated in a Seattle alternative school?

Posted by gnossos | June 29, 2007 1:49 PM
Posted by Phelix | June 29, 2007 1:54 PM
Posted by SDA in SEA | June 29, 2007 2:10 PM

What do people have against Emo? I mean, he's no Gomer or Gonzo, but he's still cute and furry.

Posted by elswinger | June 29, 2007 2:34 PM

I don't know why, but when I was reading this one I couldn't help but picture the writer as a cute little blond girl, like Dakota Fanning.

Posted by Mike of Renton | June 29, 2007 2:36 PM

@10 - Maybe I'm not as old as I thought I was, because I can tell when the kids writing these things are diverging from a general rant to a personal grievance and then back again. I think the "controlling or protective" was in quotation marks because that kid was referencing a specific person, event, or exchange. Those may have even been one of the emo kids the author is addressing's exact words. Not that it's good English writing in any case. Also, girlfriend, if you still don't understand what emo is, I think it's time to just give up at this point. You're enlightened in so many other, more important ways. =P

Posted by Callie | June 29, 2007 4:28 PM

#16 Don't you mean Elmo? Also, while we're at it can we get rid of all the annoying Indie Kids?

Posted by gameboy | June 29, 2007 5:24 PM

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