Chow Are CHEEZ-IT Crackers Good Food?
posted by May 9 at 12:50 PMon
Several weeks ago, I bought a box of Cheez-It crackers on a whim. They sat on my desk for several days before co-workers began making these terrible sad puppy faces at me while pawing at the bright red box on the edge of my desk. In a matter of hours, all of the Cheez-Its had been eaten.
On a soul-stripping trip to Costco over the weekend, I purchased a 3 pound box of Cheez-Its to compete with Megan Seling’s bucket o’ candy. We’re now down to about a pound and a half. Josh and Brad have started to turn orange. Erica often glares at the box, mocks it, then takes a handful.
Moments ago, Josh came out of his office brandishing a four page essay he’d mysteriously found on his desk. Author Barry Fiegel’s “Are CHEEZ-IT Crackers Good Food?” is an absolutely atrocious, meandering mess. I thought I’d share it anyways.
The first page and a half sets up the authors background in nursing and nutrition, or something, before finally getting to the good stuff:
I like eatin’ CHEEZ-Its. Good snack, I think. But what is the (scientific) nutritional fact about CHEEZ-IT cracers? Good food; healthy food? Bad food; unhealthy food?
For that information, on every box of CHEEZ-ITs, there is an information box entitled, “Nutrition Facts.” That title might just as easily be “Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About CHEEZ-IT Baked Snack Crackers, But Were Afraid To Ask.”
The author goes on to quote “nutrition Professor Kay Stanfill, R.D., L.D.,” who states that
“the first thing a person should notice is that this food is a snack; it says so right on the box. Generally, a snack is not balanced nutrition: balanced means variety: a variety of nutrients, a variety of colors, a variety of textures, a variety of foods.”
Fiegel concludes that
“I would say that, overall, in a nutshell, these CHEEZ-IT crackers are perhaps surprisingly not bad food; perhaps surprisingly not bad nutrition.
Another one of life’s mysteries solved.