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Wednesday, May 9, 2007

Are CHEEZ-IT Crackers Good Food?

posted by on May 9 at 12:50 PM


Several weeks ago, I bought a box of Cheez-It crackers on a whim. They sat on my desk for several days before co-workers began making these terrible sad puppy faces at me while pawing at the bright red box on the edge of my desk. In a matter of hours, all of the Cheez-Its had been eaten.

On a soul-stripping trip to Costco over the weekend, I purchased a 3 pound box of Cheez-Its to compete with Megan Seling’s bucket o’ candy. We’re now down to about a pound and a half. Josh and Brad have started to turn orange. Erica often glares at the box, mocks it, then takes a handful.

Moments ago, Josh came out of his office brandishing a four page essay he’d mysteriously found on his desk. Author Barry Fiegel’s “Are CHEEZ-IT Crackers Good Food?” is an absolutely atrocious, meandering mess. I thought I’d share it anyways.

The first page and a half sets up the authors background in nursing and nutrition, or something, before finally getting to the good stuff:

I like eatin’ CHEEZ-Its. Good snack, I think. But what is the (scientific) nutritional fact about CHEEZ-IT cracers? Good food; healthy food? Bad food; unhealthy food?

For that information, on every box of CHEEZ-ITs, there is an information box entitled, “Nutrition Facts.” That title might just as easily be “Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About CHEEZ-IT Baked Snack Crackers, But Were Afraid To Ask.”

The author goes on to quote “nutrition Professor Kay Stanfill, R.D., L.D.,” who states that

“the first thing a person should notice is that this food is a snack; it says so right on the box. Generally, a snack is not balanced nutrition: balanced means variety: a variety of nutrients, a variety of colors, a variety of textures, a variety of foods.”

Fiegel concludes that

“I would say that, overall, in a nutshell, these CHEEZ-IT crackers are perhaps surprisingly not bad food; perhaps surprisingly not bad nutrition.

The End.

Another one of life’s mysteries solved.


RSS icon Comments


A snack also implies you're not going to eat the entire box in one sitting.

Posted by elswinger | May 9, 2007 2:11 PM

Cheese Its in soup! That is my tip o the day, sure to make yor life more enjoyable and i give it to my fellow sloggers for free. Of course, i'm sure y'all already knew that.

Posted by longball | May 9, 2007 2:18 PM

It's one of the few boxed mainstream snack food products not made with High Fructose Corn Syrup. That surprised me.

Posted by Gomez | May 9, 2007 2:18 PM

I would have to say that overall, and in a nutshell, your giant Costco box of cheezIts has nothing on my giant Cosctco box of EZ MAC purchased two Mondays ago. Oh for shame. I ate some for lunch today while alternately glaring at myself in the mirror and napping between bites.

Posted by Callie | May 9, 2007 2:29 PM

That hamster picture is so adorable, I almost squeeled. Thankfully, I was able to suppress that audible testament to my sex and maintain some dignity.

Cheez-Its are not healthy, and are not "good food" in that they're high in sodium and fat while low in other nutritional value. It shouldn't take a nurse to figure that out. But, they are delicious, and less guilt-inducing than potato chips. I managed to keep a box at work for about a week, which seemed like a reasonable per-day serving dispersal. I kept them in a drawer, though, so I wouldn't be forced to share.

Who writes a four-page essay on Cheez-Its, anyway? Who was the intended audience for his article?

Posted by Aislinn | May 9, 2007 2:43 PM

cheez-its dipped in cottage cheese... damn tasty. the wet/cold/curdy of the cottage cheese complements the salty/flaky of the cheez-its in a most delicious way. especially good when washed down with red wine from a box.

Posted by pretentious | May 9, 2007 2:48 PM

Here's a poem my friend wrote a few years ago:

Love and Affection
heathers likes my mail
i mail heather and she gets mad
that's what she says
and i deleted her message and
send her some more random things
once i told her i am a psychic
i sense that she will soon become
a futon salesperson and she said
she seems quite hostile
I should mail her
the ingredient list for CHEEZ-IT
Posted by jamyr | May 9, 2007 2:51 PM

I wish I was eating Cheez-its right now!

Posted by CodyBolt | May 9, 2007 3:35 PM

The plural of "cheez-it" is "cheez-it," not "cheez-its."

Posted by snackcrackers | May 9, 2007 8:34 PM

That shit is bad and bad for you. Now gimme one.

Posted by Grant Cogswell | May 9, 2007 8:39 PM

I've never wanted some Cheez-Its more in my life than I do right now.

They remind me of going to visit my grandparents as a kid; they were my grandfather's favorite snack, and their house usually had at least two or three boxes stockpiled.

Posted by Sarah | May 10, 2007 8:26 AM

bring the cheez-its to the loft!!

Posted by ad monkey | May 10, 2007 1:07 PM

Ad monkey-
The Cheez-its were devoured almost instantaneously after I moved them to a table further away from my desk.

Someday I will return to Costco and MAYBE editorial will be willing to share:-)

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