TV American Idol: Excuse Me, But What the Fuck?
posted by on May 24 at 11:56 AM
Okay. Like fifty zillion others, I watched last night’s American Idol finale. I have nothing to say about Jordin’s win or Blake’s loss or the all-star Idol descration of Sgt. Pepper.
All I care to talk about is what happened after Jonathan Jayne and Kenneth Briggs—AKA the lightly developmentally disabled guys Simon trashed during auditions—were brought back to the Idol stage.
It started fine, as Jayne and Briggs appeared to claim their award for “Cutest Couple” of the season. Viewers will remember the backlash that occured after Simon told Kenneth Briggs he looked like “a bush baby.” After giving Briggs his award, host Ryan Seacrest asked, “So how did it feel when Simon said you looked like a bush baby?”
Suddenly, the giant Idol screen was filled with the image of an actual bush baby. With Griggs standing next to the screen, Seacrest informed him that American Idol’s producers wanted to show their gratitude by sponsoring a real-live bush baby in his name.
All of this was presented as heartwarming. Never have I seen such contempt gussied up as a tribute. It made my brain melt.
To add insult to injury: Bette Midler soon appeared to sing “Wing Beneath My Wings,” which, as anyone who’s read the lyrics knows, is the most condescending and insulting song ever. If anyone ever tries to devote “Wind Beneath My Wings” to you, never stop punching them in the face.
Thank you for making me feel even better (I didn't know it could be possible) about NOT watching AI.
I was too distracted by Bette Midler's back fat to pay such attention to her horrific singing.
I have always hated Wind Beneath My Wings and can't believe it was such a big hit and still gets played all the time at important events like weddings. I agree... punch the mofo who dedicates that song to you.
Joseph: That is a lovely photo of Ms. Harry, and what an adorable couple! Are you Thuggy McCute or Smiley McGlasses?
You forgot to mention that when Ryan announced that they had sponsored a bush baby in Kenneth's honor, he also said that it would be hereafter known as "Simon". Not that this consoled Kenneth any, he just seemed confused and kept trying to yell "Kiss my ass, Simon" or something into the mic.
Yes, but just how drunk/fucked-up was Paula?
did you ever know that you're my gyro?
well done, adrian!!
Paula was wasted. Her interview on the red carpet was amazing. She was not making any sense, rambling on about how this year she couldn't remember any of the contestants' names.
She seems so lost. Something is wrong there.
I don't know.. Those guys are sad, sure, but I don't feel much pity for them. They went on the show, surely knowing they would be mocked. Then, when they were mocked, they went along with it and are seemingly trying to make some sort of career out of their humiliation. Then they come on the show and THANK SIMON for insulting them, saying that they, "wouldn't be where they were today without him." That is, they wouldn't be a complete laughing stock. I have a hard time feeling bad that the producers take advantage of those who have no dignity and so willingly let it happen. If you don't want the world to scrutinize your faults, stay the hell off the television.
David -- never stopping punching someone in the face is a far better option than the possible running around in circles and punching yourself in the head.
But what can you do when you're dead? This is one of the most-played songs at funerals according to the BBC.
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