TV American Idol: Excuse Me, But What the Fuck?
posted by May 24 at 11:56 AMon
Okay. Like fifty zillion others, I watched last night’s American Idol finale. I have nothing to say about Jordin’s win or Blake’s loss or the all-star Idol descration of Sgt. Pepper.
All I care to talk about is what happened after Jonathan Jayne and Kenneth Briggs—AKA the lightly developmentally disabled guys Simon trashed during auditions—were brought back to the Idol stage.
It started fine, as Jayne and Briggs appeared to claim their award for “Cutest Couple” of the season. Viewers will remember the backlash that occured after Simon told Kenneth Briggs he looked like “a bush baby.” After giving Briggs his award, host Ryan Seacrest asked, “So how did it feel when Simon said you looked like a bush baby?”
Suddenly, the giant Idol screen was filled with the image of an actual bush baby. With Griggs standing next to the screen, Seacrest informed him that American Idol’s producers wanted to show their gratitude by sponsoring a real-live bush baby in his name.
All of this was presented as heartwarming. Never have I seen such contempt gussied up as a tribute. It made my brain melt.
To add insult to injury: Bette Midler soon appeared to sing “Wing Beneath My Wings,” which, as anyone who’s read the lyrics knows, is the most condescending and insulting song ever. If anyone ever tries to devote “Wind Beneath My Wings” to you, never stop punching them in the face.