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Monday, March 19, 2007

I Am Trying to Break Your Heart

posted by on March 19 at 12:37 PM

Or, How I Plan to Kill Erica C. Barnett

By Stranger News Intern Jonah Spangenthal-Lee

Erica Barnett wrote a brief but meaty post the other day about the heart-stopping joy of bacon-wrapped, cheese-filled, battered and fried hot dogs. (Recipe, via Stuff Magazine, below the jump.)

I decided to call her bluff and see if she’d really eat such a bizarre concoction of unnatural ingredients. With 17 years of culinary experience under my belt and a fridge full of bacon, I dove headfirst into the dark world of lad-mag cookery.

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The experiment in terror began with two dozen hot dogs. I hollowed out both ends for maximum cheese penetration. The recipe said to use an apple corer, but who the hell owns an apple corer? I used a rusty potato peeler.

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The grossest part was feeling the hot dog get plumper as it filled with toothpaste-like generic “cheese.”

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If syphilis was a food product, this is what it would look like.

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The longest piece of bacon I have EVER seen. I’m not entirely convinced it came from a quadruped.

(Continued below)

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A bacon wrapped present for Erica Barnett. Mmmm… SHINY!

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My stove is only that dirty because of the spattering grease. I swear.

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This is what a trans-fat looks like.

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This is what was left in the pan after the first round of frying was over.

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After finishing up the initial bacon-crisping process I decided to make this a two-day event, saving the pre-cooked dogs in the fridge to, umm, age. I planned to batter and re-fry them the following day.

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DAY TWO: The dog-dip looks absolutely horrible but it feels much worse. The dogs tried to wriggle away to avoid their inevitable fate, but to no avail.

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This is when the left side of my body started to go numb.

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I am the world’s worst Jew.

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I left the best part on the paper towel.

The deed was done: I threw everything into a tinfoil-lined casserole and drove like a maniac to get the bacon-cheez-beer-dogs to The Stranger offices in a condition approximating warmth.

I had to roll down my car window on the way over to keep the rendered pork fat smell from rendering me unconscious. On the elevator up to the office, a Fed Ex driver asked me what I was carrying. “It’s an experiment,” I told him.

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Surprise!

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Erica daintily gnaws on the object of her affection. She would later exclaim, “once you get the grease off, they’re not bad!”

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That’s publisher Tim Keck on the left devouring his first artery-clogger of the day. By the end of the day, he had devoured four of them, even after they spent several hours on a table getting dirty looks from office vegetarians and dropping outside the safe temperature range for consumable food. I doubt he made it through the weekend. Josh Feit looks on in horror, Brad Steinbacher masters the fine art of aloofness and Dan Savage (slightly out of frame) voices his disgust.

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Web guru Anthony Hecht: “I hear there’s some kind of deep-fried bacon?”

Yum.

Stranger News Editor Josh Feit “had two bites and gave up,” and the majority of the staff seemed afraid to get too close to the fried delights I had prepared for them, but there was at least one overwhelmingly positive response.

“It’s like a hot dog flavored donut!” exclaimed Kelly O, who seemed disturbingly wistful while she devoured the log of meat and cheese before referring to it as “Michigan caviar.”

I think we’ve found our new food editor.

Erica, who was only able to eat one of the horrid things, made a special request for corn-dog casserole on Friday.

Erica C. Barnett is like the Khalid Sheikh Mohammed of culinary terrorism.

She must be stopped.

Special thanks to Emily for photo assistance.

BACON, CHEESE AND BEER DOG

Ingredients:
1 hot dog
1 slice of thick-cut bacon
1 can of spray cheese
1 can beer (It doesn't matter what kind, but we recommend something dark. Corona probably isn't a good idea)
1 cup flour
Oil for frying

Instructions:
This one is a little work-intensive, so be ready to buckle down. First take the center out of the hot dog with an apple corer, if you have access to one. If not, just cut out the middle with a knife. Fill the cavity with the spray cheese and use the hot dog you removed from the middle as a cap to keep the cheese in. Wrap the bacon around the hot dog and deep-fry for two to four minutes or until bacon is cooked. Dab them dry with a paper towel (so the batter will stick). Mix the beer with the flour until it reaches a thick, but lump-free consistency. Dip the dogs in the batter, coating the dog completely, and deep-fry on high heat for two to three minutes or until brown and deadly.
NOTE: Don't fry them too long or all of the cheese will explode out into the oil. That's very bad.

RSS icon Comments

1

GAH, the images! No, not the content, please RESIZE before you upload/post, they're ridiculously large and breaking my poor little RSS browser!

Posted by employee coffee | March 19, 2007 12:54 PM
2

Congratulaions on the new addition to the list of Things Erica Barnett Hates, which now stands at:

1) Cars
2) Masculinity
3) Her own arteries

Posted by ytrewq | March 19, 2007 12:55 PM
3

My browser is taking forever to load the images.

Meanwhile, a good web page coder could have uploaded smaller JPG files and made them link to the larger versions.

Jet Propulsion Enhanced Graphics - it's what's for dinner!

Oh, and don't go hating on ECB, we love her.

Posted by Will in Seattle | March 19, 2007 12:58 PM
4

What 1 and 3 said. I would have posted sooner, but it took me about 10 minutes just to be able to scroll past the freakin' images to the comment link. Cripes!

Posted by Levislade | March 19, 2007 1:00 PM
5

You're a genius. Don't listen to these techno-wussies telling you to shrink those images... Make them bigger! I want to make that plate of cheese stuffed bacon wrapped dogs my wallpaper.

This is the most hardcore culinary experiment ever. Has anyone read Chefs Illustrated where they cook one recipe 100 times slightly changing every factor to figure out the #1 best way too make stuff? I think they should try this one on for size...

Posted by bigger! | March 19, 2007 1:02 PM
6

"Jet Propulsion Enhanced Graphics"?

Posted by Fnarf | March 19, 2007 1:17 PM
7

Or Joint Photographer Expert Group...

I love the jew-to-pig-product ratio on this concoction. It needed the blasphemy to really achieve greatness...

Posted by golob | March 19, 2007 1:34 PM
8

Oh, you can -just-barely- make out that it says "Gluttony" on my shirt just at the bottom of the frame. Brilliant, and delicious.

Posted by Anthony Hecht | March 19, 2007 1:54 PM
9

I agree- let #1 & #3 wait - I heart the huge images - especially when it gets to the cooked product pic that looks like a syphilitic ... so and so.

Even so - I'd definitely eat it. And I'd happily sign on to be a judge in the 100-ways-to-eat-a-cheese-stuffed-wiener contest.

Posted by wiener-eater | March 19, 2007 1:57 PM
10

I'd be happy to make Corn Dog Casserole for you, Erica. Would you like it to be vegetarian, or made with meat?

Posted by Rob W. | March 19, 2007 2:05 PM
11

that was delightfully thorough and un-pc and i loved every bit of it. thank you, and thanks for taking the gustatory bullet for me, stranger staff, as i'm not about to cook that myself.

Posted by ellarosa | March 19, 2007 2:16 PM
12

I think I would have loved something like that when I was 20-something. Now that I'm 40-something, it makes my arteries hurt just to look at it. It seams like a lot of work simply to induce a heart attack.

Posted by SDA in SEA | March 19, 2007 2:37 PM
13

I guess some people have never heard of a francheezie or driven through Wisconsin before.

Posted by Sharlene | March 19, 2007 3:22 PM
14

Best. Slog. EVER. I wish I could have been there to try them.

Posted by Callie | March 19, 2007 3:32 PM
15

#11 I'm sorry. What part of the article was non pc?

Posted by elswinger | March 19, 2007 3:53 PM
16

Wow, the Stranger staffers are actual human persons. I've always thought of 'em as, like, disembodied heads in jars or somethin'.

Posted by Gully Foyle | March 19, 2007 4:06 PM
17

elswiger--you know, all the pork, all the unhealthy ingedients. it's just so wrong, so very wrong. that's what made it fun. if the personal is political, then food is too.

Posted by ellarosa | March 19, 2007 4:09 PM
18

Wow. ...wow. As horrifying as that looks, I'd probably throw one back too. Gross, I'm gross.

Posted by Carollani | March 19, 2007 4:33 PM
19

I can feel my arteries clog just looking at these pictures.

*hrrrrrrrkkk*

Posted by Aexia | March 19, 2007 4:46 PM
20

I dunno - it seems like something's missing, a key ingredient, that one extra-super special item to turn this from simply heart-punishingly to if-I-die-right-now-it'll-have-all-been-worth-it delicious:

- sausage gravy?
- a slice of American cheese?
- Garlic Aoli?

It just screams out for - something, but I can't put my finger on it...

Posted by COMTE | March 19, 2007 4:51 PM
21

JPG is actually JPEG - which is the Jet Propulsion Laboratory's graphics standard.

Try reading a book sometimes.

Posted by Will in Seattle | March 19, 2007 5:22 PM
22

COMTE @ No. 20: SOUR CREAM!!! Obviously.

Posted by ECB | March 19, 2007 5:23 PM
23

And Rob W.: One of each, clearly! That way we can compare.

Posted by ECB | March 19, 2007 5:24 PM
24

Ok, that should be enough to feed a small army... are you having a party anytime soon?

Ms. Clement has already suggested that organic sour cream be added to the casserole. I think we may be onto something...

Posted by Rob W. | March 19, 2007 5:31 PM
25

Funny, awful, sick and wrong.

The one that's just about to get deep-fried...circumsized on one end, uncut on the other. How did you do that?

Posted by BD | March 19, 2007 5:39 PM
26

JPEG actually has nothing to do with the Jet Propulsion Laboratory.

Try reading wikipedia sometime.

OHHHHH DORK SLAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FEEL THE BURN!!1! TOTAL NERD DOMINATION!

Posted by Evan | March 19, 2007 6:22 PM
27

Will in Seattle, you are either trolling or misguided. JPEG doesn't stand for Jet Propulsion anything. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/JPEG

You're probably trolling, though.

Posted by litlnemo | March 19, 2007 6:31 PM
28

I don't eat cheese, so I'd have to find something else to stuff the hotdogs with. I'm thinking cornbread, so it would be kinda like corndogs. Yum. Cornbread stuffed hotdogs wrapped in bacon and breaded with a fresh green salad. MMMmmm....

Posted by Papayas | March 19, 2007 6:37 PM
29

reply to #20:
thousand island dressing!!

Posted by cheesus | March 19, 2007 9:08 PM
30

Awesome, just plain awesome. Don't pay attention to those dam hippies.

Posted by OMFG | March 19, 2007 11:31 PM
31

I grew up in PA and we called these hotdogs Texas Tommys. The traditional condiment is yellow mustard. They were featured in a documentary about Pennsylvanian Diners on PBS.

Peace the fork out,
Leo

Posted by Leo | March 20, 2007 12:04 AM
32

I grew up in PA and we called these hotdogs Texas Tommys. The traditional condiment is yellow mustard. They were featured in a documentary about Pennsylvanian Diners on PBS.

Peace the fork out,
Leo

Posted by Leo | March 20, 2007 12:05 AM
33

You should try frying in deeper oil, like in a turkey fryer. You can get the fry hotter, have a crispier more thoroughly cooked bacondog. (going to try this now) we'll probably also need roasting string to keep the bacon on the dog.

Posted by Metal | March 20, 2007 1:00 AM
34

Leo, would a string not disintegrate in deep frying? I think his method of bowtying the bacon would suffice. I do agree however that the repeatitive use of "Deep frying" in the blog was put off by the fact he simply pan fried it, I'm sure you could get a cleaner fry with a better, thicker corndogesque batter. Also deep frying, while being fully immersed in grease would make one assume it'd be a greasier product, seems to render the final product LESS greasy on consumption. does sound tasty and heart destroying. Remember though, everything is better with bacon, even if you're jewish. Which comes to the other idea. What of turkey bacon, which I am appalled is called bacon, but comes in nice strips that'd be perfect for such a glamourous food item, and may cut back on some of the artery cloggage you'd recieve from not only eating but simply looking at these treats. I was thinking of attempting this sans apple corer, simply cutting the frank in half, carving out a rift in the center of both halves, filling with cheese, wrap with bacon, use toothpics (wood not plastic!) and seeing how that fairs in my fry daddy. Never stuck wood in there so I'm a bit concerned about how that would fair. and in the end perhaps cutting into smaller 3 portions per frank more of an H'orderve than a meal portion. Anyhow, nice post.

Posted by robf | March 20, 2007 1:14 AM
35

um... have you EVER cleaned your stove top?

Posted by d-van | March 20, 2007 3:27 AM
36

They're not just for breakfast anymore!

Posted by Raw Oyster | March 20, 2007 5:25 AM
37

so much work to eat a hot dog with cheese

you are all overheated middle class yuppies

fry the bacon, set aside, nice and crisp

nuke the dogs, and some good whole wheat bread slices

touch of mayo and dijon, lettuce OK too, place cheese and dog together, fold (two per person) - drink ice cold Mt Dew, and eat crisp bacon on the side

finish with any good yog - plain is good if you like a bit of sour

I can see the fate of those who watch too many cooking shows - eating gets lost

always shop for the better flavored turkey or chicken dogs - much less fat, lots less

Posted by kk3e | March 20, 2007 5:43 AM
38

I first ate these while attending college in Steyermühl Austria 10 years ago. They are called "Berner Würstle" becauce they orginated in Bern Switzerland. They sell them ready to cook at the store here (Bavaria)

Posted by Ronbo | March 20, 2007 6:11 AM
39

well, I grew up in PA and we just called these 'hotdogs'. The traditional condiment is a chopped up plain hotdog, and butter. They were featured in a documentary about lapsed jews on PBS.

Posted by Ce Type | March 20, 2007 6:16 AM
40

the pics are to big ? ten minutes to download page ? WTF !!!? did we go back to 97' on AOL !?? losers ! great post btw ...would probably taste better with some sort of gourmet sausage , like apple wood .

Posted by joe | March 20, 2007 6:37 AM
41

#17 I think you mean "un-CC" (Culinary Correct) or "un-AC" (Arterially Correct)..

Posted by elswinger | March 20, 2007 6:40 AM
42

z0mg roxx0rz

Posted by ad | March 20, 2007 6:54 AM
43

You can expect to hear from my lawyers!!!!!!! I came up with this idea over 10 years ago. It was the same night I developed the bazooka cigarette (an entire pack duck taped together and smoked at one time). Yer all going to get it! Starting packing yer bags for disco island.

Don Zinn
"King of All that is Grease"

Posted by Don Zinn | March 20, 2007 6:55 AM
44

You can expect to hear from my lawyers!!!!!!! I came up with this idea over 10 years ago. It was the same night I developed the bazooka cigarette (an entire pack duck taped together and smoked at one time). Yer all going to get it! Starting packing yer bags for disco island.

Don Zinn
"King of All that is Grease"

Posted by Don Zinn | March 20, 2007 6:55 AM
45

You can expect to hear from my lawyers!!!!!!! I came up with this idea over 10 years ago. It was the same night I developed the bazooka cigarette (an entire pack duck taped together and smoked at one time). Yer all going to get it! Starting packing yer bags for disco island.

Don Zinn
"King of All that is Grease"

Posted by Don Zinn | March 20, 2007 6:55 AM
46

Still doesnt beat the bacon cheeseburger on a Krispy Kreme that the Illinois minior league team the Gateway Grizzlies serves. Still, no thanks.

Posted by j - dub | March 20, 2007 7:20 AM
47

damn, that gives me a boner. will you marry me and rub cheez whiz all over us?

Posted by "M" | March 20, 2007 7:38 AM
48

wow, just wow....

Posted by mike | March 20, 2007 7:53 AM
49

You know those aren't really finished until you drizzle chocolate on top.

Posted by ]ohn | March 20, 2007 8:01 AM
50

Magnificent dish. Only a weakling or sissy could be offended by it. The panty-waists voicing their disgust are the same wastes of DNA who cringe at barrel-strength bourbon and wet their pants when confronted by a good cigar.

It would be foolish to make a steady diet of these culinary delights, but an occasional indulgence (much as with bourbon and cigars) is no crime at all--except in the minds of the simpering effete.

Posted by Bryan | March 20, 2007 8:12 AM
51

Based on the pimples on her face and her extra under-chin fat, I'd say that Erica shouldn't be eating any more of those fat fried greasy cheese fat dogs...

Posted by gross | March 20, 2007 8:41 AM
52

She doesnt like masculinity. What the hell does that mean? Men are supposed to act like females? Gee... that's intelligent. I guess this is the best 'pork' she'll be getting.
What a fruit cake. Dont you have better things to do?
Oh yeah... When is the last time you cleaned that nasty stove? (its filthy before you start frying) I'd hate to see your bathroom. And wash your hair... yuk. Hippies... what losers...

Posted by Ringo | March 20, 2007 9:47 AM
53

Hm, I feel sorry for the people still using 14.4 modems to access the intrawebs. Anyway:

There's got to be a way to "single fry" these bad boys. I wonder if you could use one of those fancy city-friers, like they use for turkeys? I guess not if you want crisp bacon. You could grill the dogs with the bacon, THEN fry them? (God help me, I'm trying to solve this)

Well done! -the story, not the dogs...

Posted by Art E. Schut | March 20, 2007 10:00 AM
54

I could make a Corndog Casserole. That sounds easy. I wouldn't reccomend adding the sticks though. :) And I think it would taste better with cheese (though you could certainly opt to leave that out if you don't like cheese).

I'm guessing it would look something like this... (Granted, I'd need to actually make it to confirm these measurements!)

1+ c. yellow corn meal
1 c. flour
1/2 c. sugar
1 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. salt
3 eggs
1+ c. milk

Mix this all together to make the batter.

2 c. shredded cheese
1 pkg. of hot dogs, sliced

spread half the batter in the bottom of a greased baking dish.
layer the sliced hot dogs in the pan.
Top with cheese.
Carefully spread the remaining batter over top of the hot dogs & cheese.
Bake at 350 until golden and a knife comes out clean when poked into the center.

Easy.
You could potentially add a can of your favorite Chili con Carne to the middle layer as well, if you like chili dogs.

-Sparkling
http://www.visionsgame.com

Posted by Sparkling | March 20, 2007 10:04 AM
55

without the batter they are very good. I bought some hotdogs wraped in cheese and bacon off on a hotdog vendor in mexico, now i am hooked. works really good over a campfire....

Posted by sawoodhick | March 20, 2007 10:36 AM
56

In my area we have a gas station that makes and sells "Paul Dogs" which are slightly less greasy than these.

To make:

- wrap a bun-length hot dog in american cheese
- wrap this in a flour tortilla (tightly)
- wrap this in a piece of bacon and hold together with a toothpick.
- deep fry until the bacon is cooked
- drain
- eat
- try to make it past the gas station without buying another one any time you pass it

Posted by R(k) | March 20, 2007 10:47 AM
57

Apple corer, schmapple corer. Just jam a sturdy straw through the hot dog. Maybe even one of those bubble tea straws, for extra cheesy goodness. Then suck the extra hot dog out of the straw. You know, for sustinence when you're making the dogs.

Posted by kerri | March 20, 2007 10:57 AM
58

Is it ironic that I got this link from a buddy working at the National Institute of Health?

Thank you for doing your part of Keeping Down the Human Population. Too bad you're killing of the people who eat food rather than twigs and leaves.

Posted by Death is Delicious | March 20, 2007 11:10 AM
59

Is it ironic that I got this link from a buddy working at the National Institute of Health?

Thank you for doing your part for Keeping Down the Human Population. Too bad you're killing off the people who eat food rather than twigs and leaves, but this is how *I* wanted to die.

Posted by Death is Delicious | March 20, 2007 11:11 AM
60

I am in heaven. I will encourage my wife to make these this weekend.

No Need to hollow out the dog, just going to use my marinade injector.

I think a chili sauce over these would be perfect.

As for the PC crowd that thinks they are going to die if they eat these - We could only be so lucky.

Posted by Dean | March 20, 2007 11:32 AM
61

A friend sent this to me as a joke. i copied the recipe and can't wait to try it. sounds delicious. grease may not be good for arteries, but is wonderful for skin. Used to make "angels" on horseback...hot dog split and cheese slice put in crack, then wrapped with bacon.....batter and deep frying is even better!

Posted by sharon | March 20, 2007 11:56 AM
62

Ranch Dressing, of course.

Posted by Izzi | March 20, 2007 11:56 AM
63

Homer would be so very proud.

Posted by Angela | March 20, 2007 11:58 AM
64

I only made it halfway through the post before I puked on myself.

Posted by Justin Kropp | March 20, 2007 12:19 PM
65

OMFG. I don't think I'm going to want to eat for a week now.

Posted by fiat lux | March 20, 2007 12:39 PM
66

64 & 65--fucking pussies.

Posted by junkie | March 20, 2007 12:49 PM
67

I looked at this and thought, "You know, these would really be good if filled with mozzarella or Colby Jack."

The perfect dessert for a meal like this would be a deep-fried Twinkie. If you haven't had one of those, you haven't lived!

Posted by aviendha | March 20, 2007 1:07 PM
68

I'm not sure yet, but I believe making such a dish violates the Geneva convention as a crime against humanity.

Posted by skezzmo | March 20, 2007 1:33 PM
69

I'm lazy. Instead of deep frying, how about microwaving it? I know hot dogs typically split, but these are split already? How long should I microwave one?

Posted by mithridain | March 20, 2007 1:45 PM
70

I'd eat a dozen of these, and then Rascal my way over to Beth's for a 12-egg omlette.

GOOD EATS!!!!1!!11

Posted by Obamanation! | March 20, 2007 3:14 PM
71

what about the fried egg on top???

Posted by doh | March 20, 2007 3:30 PM
72

Where's the beans?

Posted by Tom Bolt | March 20, 2007 3:39 PM
73

Where's the beans?

Posted by Tom Bolt | March 20, 2007 3:39 PM
74

That was FUCKING BEAUTIFUL!
Kudo's to you and your offspring.
May you live a long and wonderful life.

Posted by Brett | March 20, 2007 4:26 PM
75

I agree it didn't need to be fried twice. After wrapping the bacon I would suggest rolling the concoction in bread crumbs or panko (sp?) and then deep frying it. Bacon doesn't take that long to cook. If you are worried I'd pop it in the microwave for 15-30 seconds just to be safe.

#51 I only saw 1 pimple but two gorgeous eyes on Erica.

Posted by elswinger | March 20, 2007 4:39 PM
76

This is gross.

I was looking at this post with my 22 yr old son. 'Sound's good" was is first comment, then when he saw the final product, "looks good" was his response

Posted by Cindy Moore | March 20, 2007 4:41 PM
77

Deep-fried instead of pan-fried and served on a thickly buttered bun with ranch dipping sauce--then you'd have something.

Posted by Steve | March 20, 2007 4:42 PM
78

My husband (a professional chef) sent me this email. How about topping the whole thing off with mayonaise? As a Jew, I can't think of anything better to go with bacon-wrapped-cheezwhiz-stuffed-double-fried-wieners! But then again, I'm the idiot married to the chef who sent me this email. Thanks for the laughs.

Posted by Sarah | March 20, 2007 5:26 PM
79

My mom used to make something like this for me and my brother when we were kids, only she'd slit the hot dog lengthwise, put a long stick of cheddar in the slit, top with a bit of relish, wrap it with bacon and bake them in a hot oven on a wire rack over a baking pan to catch the drippings.

When the bacon was crispy, she'd drain them on paper towels. She'd serve them with corn bread and barbecue sauce.

Posted by Mimi | March 20, 2007 5:46 PM
80

wait you didn't eat the drippings??!? fscking heathen.

Posted by random uncle | March 20, 2007 6:49 PM
81

Before battering, this is COMPLETELY Atkins friendly. I need to make some of these...

Posted by Turk | March 20, 2007 7:24 PM
82

Bacon-wrapped hot-dogs - so Sonoran! Every night a magical wagon arrives just down the street from me and peddles delicious bacon-wrapped dogs with zillions of condiments- refried beans, cheese, sour cream (if you're loooking for artery-slowing stuff), tomatoes, onions, chopped hot peppers, cilantro, lettuce, lalala, and every hot-dog condiment known to man & woman & child, i.e. mustard, mayonnaise, ketchup - and probably a bunch of other stuff I could't translate or ask for. All throughout Phoenix - a hot dog lover's paradise!

Posted by sharon | March 20, 2007 7:52 PM
83

In Texas, we have chicken-fried bacon. I once went to a semi-formal dinner party where that was the appetizer. I will definitely suggest the 'dogs for next year.

Posted by Diane | March 20, 2007 8:13 PM
84

Wow. It looks so awful, I think I may have to try it myself! Suggestion for COMTE at #20, how about dusting it with powdered sugar, and serving with a side of raspberry preserves for dippin', much like a Monte Cristo sandwich?

Posted by Terry | March 20, 2007 8:51 PM
85

We had these (without the battering) as 'Berner Wuerstl' already more than 35 years ago in the Mensa (Fast Food Restaurant) in the University of Vienna, Austria. Real cheese was put into a slit in the sausage and it and the bacon wrapped around was held together by a wooden toothpick.
Ahh, the memories...

Posted by Rainer | March 20, 2007 10:02 PM
86

I have to apologize for not having read every one of the preceding posts. One's patience has certain limits, particularly when one has something to say right off the bat.

My off-the-bat thing:

What you have described here has always been known to me and to those of my ilk as a "Texas Torpedo."

Being a Texan, I'm not really proud of that moniker, but--c'est la vie.

I have never known a Texas Torpedo to be the result of an even remotely arduous--much less two-day--process; poke, fill, wrap, fry, you're done. Shouldn't take longer than four minutes.

The battering part is, to my mind, a high-falutin' and unnecessary upgrade. An ordinary bun is sufficient.

I also think that deep-frying is preferable to pan-frying, but that's just me.

If you enjoy--or are baffled by Texas Torpedoes--you may probably have a similar reaction to Scotch eggs, which I also love: hard-cooked eggs encased in pork sausage and biscuit dough, and then fried.

Yours,

Uisgea

Posted by Uisgea | March 20, 2007 10:38 PM
87

I have to apologize for not having read every one of the preceding posts. One's patience has certain limits, particularly when one has something to say right off the bat.

My off-the-bat thing:

What you have described here has always been known to me and to those of my ilk as a "Texas Torpedo."

Being a Texan, I'm not really proud of that moniker, but--c'est la vie.

I have never known a Texas Torpedo to be the result of an even remotely arduous--much less two-day--process; poke, fill, wrap, fry, you're done. Shouldn't take longer than four minutes.

The battering part is, to my mind, a high-falutin' and unnecessary upgrade. An ordinary bun is sufficient.

I also think that deep-frying is preferable to pan-frying, but that's just me.

If you enjoy--or are baffled by--Texas Torpedoes, you may probably have a similar reaction to Scotch eggs, which I also love: hard-cooked eggs encased in pork sausage and biscuit dough, and then fried.

Yours,

Uisgea

Posted by Uisgea | March 20, 2007 10:38 PM
88

Love the "I must be the world's worst Jew" line, it completely cracked me up!

Posted by latenighter | March 20, 2007 11:47 PM
89

What's up with the shit about ECB?

1. Why doesn't anyone say shit about some of the men in the pictures?

2. Is this a beauty contest?

And if this were a beauty contest, ECB is totally cute. So fuck off, asshole sexists.

Lastly, I think I'll stuff my hotdogs with kalamata aoli instead of cheez whiz because I'm a fancy like that.

Posted by Papayas | March 20, 2007 11:47 PM
90

I was going to say I thought Hecht was pretty cute -- especially with cheese-dog in his mouth -- but I felt like an asshole pointing it out.

Posted by Gloria | March 21, 2007 1:43 AM
91

Bah! Looks like you used sub-standard products! Cheese from a can?! Please!

I recommend you use a quality dog like a BlueGrass Meats Jalapeneo Chedder Mett, wrap that with some pepperd bacon, beer batter that bad boy and then deep fry to crispy goodness! While your waiting for your heart-attack-on-a-stick to cook, toss in a few pickled garlic cloved for appetizers!

Posted by The Car Hole | March 21, 2007 5:14 AM
92

Oh wow.... that beats out pancake-wrapped-sausage-on-a-stick. A suggestion: just use Cheddarwurst to streamline the process...
And I've gotta say, I want to party with that good-lookin' Stranger staff!!
Oh, a little Formula 409 on the stovetop wouldn't hurt.... ; ) I wonder what flavors the cast-iron skillet picked up?

Posted by Cattypex | March 21, 2007 5:43 AM
93

I've often done a somewhat more natural version of this dish, using actual cheese and cutting out the deep frying. A lot simpler and cuts out "pasteurized processed cheese food product" as an ingredient. Simply cut a slit lengthwise in the hot dog, wrap it with bacon (securing the ends with toothpicks) and cook in a hot cast iron skillet until the bacon is done. Remove the toothpicks, place in a bun and dress according to your liking (I prefer my hot dogs with a huge glob of mustard equal in size to the hot dog itself).

Posted by Jesse | March 21, 2007 7:30 AM
94

@91, at least he didn't use cheap beer like Bud Lite or some other shit like that.

Posted by Junkie | March 21, 2007 7:40 AM
95

This would go great w/ a Beer

Posted by Jack Williamson | March 21, 2007 7:48 AM
96

This would go great w/ a Beer

Posted by Jack Williamson | March 21, 2007 7:48 AM
97

how about "clot dogs" for a name for these?

Posted by chess h | March 21, 2007 9:40 AM
98

I love the article, it brought back memories of A&W in Canada when I was young. They this similar concoction called a Whistle dog. Almost like you made, just trade the beer batter for a bun. It used to be a popular item back in the day.

Posted by D.R. Bailey | March 21, 2007 10:39 AM
99

i love the volcano on the creator's chin
it just seems appropriate

Posted by roy | March 21, 2007 11:24 AM
100

E.C.B. is the reigning Queen of Clot. Rather than frying they could be roasted using a Menorah and Garlic
Scented Candles. Somebody noticed there was something lacking. Dipping Sauce! Endless variety.
Always eat wearing one of those little Jewish Hats...
Yarmulka? Orthodox can use Nathan's Kosher Dogs
and switch bacon for strips of Pastrami. Shalom

Posted by Solomon O'Hara | March 21, 2007 11:52 AM
101

I loled.

You're my new personal hero.

Posted by Mad William Flint | March 21, 2007 3:57 PM
102

You needed some Maple Syrup and Powdered sugar, maybe deep fried in egg batter?

Posted by Brian | March 21, 2007 4:35 PM
103

Try deep frying it in beer batter.

Posted by BeerOtter | March 21, 2007 8:08 PM
104

Slow download? Shrink the pictures?
Uh,...Mine came in in around 2 seconds.
What's the problem people? Uh, it's called Broadband. Maybe you have heard of it. It's a real new thing. Been out for a few years now. Maybe you should try it.

Posted by Thomas Kirkman | March 21, 2007 10:42 PM
105

Izzy was right. There is but one condiment for this abomination. Ranch Dressing.

I can't wait to try some at home.

Posted by scrote | March 22, 2007 7:41 AM
106

Did you ever consider buying cheese stuffed weiners from Armour? Sure would make the job a whole lot easier.

Posted by Debi | March 22, 2007 7:49 AM
107

I'm using a wireless Sprint card to view the page, and it loaded with no problems. I didn't see any slowness at all.

For those of you having problems viewing the page, maybe you should fire your AOL dial-up service.

Posted by David | March 22, 2007 8:43 AM
108

condiment...Has to be some good hot sauce.

Posted by mechanical31 | March 22, 2007 10:17 AM
109

Your kitchen must stink to hell!

Posted by Michael Haskins | March 22, 2007 1:22 PM
110

Hey, everyone in Chicago, we use Merkt's Sharp cheddar soft cheese for the filling....Cheez-Whiz is for bums who live in cardboard boxes. Put some Merkt's in a small pastry bag and go to town. Oh yea, just the deep frying, not double fried. In the turkey fryer, they only take about 5-6 minutes to fry up a dozen or so. Great tailgating food.

Posted by Tommy D. | March 22, 2007 9:50 PM
111

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Posted by wowgolds104 | March 23, 2007 11:32 PM
112

Call them Heart Missles, or artery darts.

Posted by Lee-oh | March 24, 2007 8:05 AM
113

i have the same monkey thats on the shelf in your kitchen...........crazy kids!!!!!!! you only live once ......rock on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by cavacaysuked | March 24, 2007 10:45 AM
114

I think this dish demands to be served with a homemade Bearnaise, and don't skimp on the butter.

Posted by Billy Bob | March 24, 2007 6:43 PM
115

Now my tailgating parties will be complete! Thank you!

Posted by Chubby Love | March 25, 2007 7:32 AM
116

Oh - these are just so, so, so very wrong.
On so many levels.

And yet... I still desperately want one...

(so, so ashamed....)

Posted by LLA | March 25, 2007 8:37 AM
117

that is one of the most disturbing things I have ever seen.

Posted by Doug | March 25, 2007 3:35 PM
118

I won't post it here, but I have something even worse for your arteries than this. Toss me an email if you want to do an article about it.

I live nowhere near Seattle, but I'm always glad to spread death via heart attack.

Posted by CJ | March 25, 2007 3:59 PM
119

That actually looks pretty good, of course down here we deep fry everything from candybars to twinkies and pickles..

I think Id partially cook the bacon b4 wrapping the dog, then cook on the grill before dipping in batter and into the deepfryer...definately NOT pan fry!

Posted by Doc Ink | March 27, 2007 10:30 AM
120

To the tech wimps complaining about the pics loading: GET A DELL!!! The site can't be held accountable for your dinosaur PC.

As for these Dogs, ever hear of Turkey? Try this with Turkey Hot Dogs and Turkey Bacon. At least it would be a tad less fattening.

Posted by Genie | March 28, 2007 6:16 AM
121

#28 it's "cheese" not cheese so go right ahead and eat it!

Posted by tomoshka | March 28, 2007 7:57 AM
122

looks gross,sounds gross, won't be trying it, but its very creative and funny as hell!! :)

Posted by Rachael | March 28, 2007 1:36 PM
123

That needs GRAVY. Sausage gravy.

Posted by annoymous | March 30, 2007 11:13 AM
124

I guess I'm a wussy in some people's eyes. But things of this nature are why north Idahoans are dying of heart failure! I simply don't know why people would rather die young than live longer by following simple guide lines of dieting. How ignorant of simple things can people be?

Posted by jdnickell | March 31, 2007 3:25 AM
125

As ignorant as you are of fun things? =)

and yes, you are a total whuss.

Posted by strider | April 2, 2007 4:16 AM

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