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Sunday, February 25, 2007

The Oscars: Hour Three

posted by on February 25 at 19:38 PM

7:42: Oh my God! Best Documentary will soon be upon us! Go James Longley!

7:47: OH MY GOD! Al Gore finallly won something!!

7:49: Well done, Al Gore. (I mean his words not his looks.)

7:58: If Clint Eastwood were a real man, and a real friend of Ennio Morricone, he would have shot Celine Dion.

8:08: “Babel“‘s first award of the night. Truth be told, the only reason I don’t want it to win Best Picture is because it would prove my prediction wrong. But if that’s how the gods of the Academy think it should be, I understand. And I will be very happy to live in a country that did not name “Little Miss Sunshine” Best Picture of the year. Very happy.

8:12: Did Kirsten Dunst sleep in a ditch?

8:14: “Little Miss Sunshine” takes Best Original Screenplay, the official award of the “artsy” movie that’s nominated for Best Picture but doesn’t win! Can I officially change my Best Picture prediction to “Babel”? Or will “Little Miss Sunshine” rewrite the rules of Oscar the way it rewrote the rules of the my heart? (Just kidding. I’ve hated that movie ever since it got nominated.)

8:21: This is the kind of performance that gets one voted off “American Idol.” But Beyonce has a lovely voice when she’s not screaming her fucking face off.

8:25: This song—“Patience”—is supposed to be Eddie Murphy’s character’s “What’s Goin On.” But all it does is suck shit. Also, it’s kind of mean to scream “PATIENCE!” at an audience that’s entering its fourth hour of sitting there.

RSS icon Comments

1

To be fair, Al Gore technically won the 2000 election.

Posted by Joey The Girl | February 25, 2007 7:49 PM
2

"OH MY GOD! Al Gore finallly won something!!"

You've been saving that one, huh?

Posted by David Summerlin | February 25, 2007 7:50 PM
3

For seven years.

Posted by David Schmader | February 25, 2007 7:52 PM
4

Is Clint Eastwood drunk?

Posted by Megan | February 25, 2007 7:55 PM
5

Does anyone know who the award was given to when Ennio Morricone was nominated for The Mission?


I don't see how that score could possibly have lost, unless it was up against a John Williams blockbuster.

Posted by robotslave | February 25, 2007 7:55 PM
6

My soul is vomiting. Celine Dion must be stopped. Mr. Morricone's career should not be reduced to a lame version of a terrible song. He was not about songs.

Posted by Fnarf | February 25, 2007 7:57 PM
7

Herbie Hancock won for "'Round Midnight."

Posted by David Schmader | February 25, 2007 7:57 PM
8

Celine encourages alcoholism. And worn tooth enamel.

Posted by David Summerlin | February 25, 2007 7:59 PM
9

OK, I can see the Academy doing that.

Posted by robotslave | February 25, 2007 7:59 PM
10

Celine Dion keeps singing the same song over and over again. The first 20 times, maybe it was good, maybe great. But now?.....no dice.

Posted by Monique | February 25, 2007 8:00 PM
11

Clint's Italian is excellent.

Posted by Fnarf | February 25, 2007 8:03 PM
12

@ 8

That explains it.

Posted by Megan | February 25, 2007 8:05 PM
13

No, he would shoot whoever tapped Celine to perform.

Posted by keshmeshi | February 25, 2007 8:06 PM
14

Arnold, with and international house full of PANCAKE on his face, keeps welcoming me to California. But I'm here in Washington. It's freaking me out!

Posted by Andy Niable | February 25, 2007 8:06 PM
15

Can we please have the speed-talking guy HOST next year? With Jack Nicholson as cohost?

Posted by Andy Niable | February 25, 2007 8:11 PM
16

kirsten's dress is mortifying.

Posted by gforce | February 25, 2007 8:13 PM
17

Kirsten's dress is going to be lovely--when it's finished

Posted by Andy Niable | February 25, 2007 8:14 PM
18

Ha! Little Miss Sunshine just won an award!

Posted by Joey The Girl | February 25, 2007 8:14 PM
19

So they give "best original screenplay" to a guy who cribbed half of it from "National Lampoon's Vacation"?

Posted by Fnarf | February 25, 2007 8:15 PM
20

Our brains refuse to grasp Kiki's dress: feathers at the bottom and an oversized collar at the top? Does not compute. For such a cute girl, she did not know how to pick 'em.

Posted by Joshica and Monique | February 25, 2007 8:19 PM
21

Apropos of nothing, I think we've got a much better crop of ads here than we saw at this year's Super Bowl.

Posted by robotslave | February 25, 2007 8:20 PM
22

J.Lo's dress FTW!

Posted by Joshica and Monique | February 25, 2007 8:21 PM
23

J-Lo is the reason I should upgrade to Hi-Def??? Why? So I can see the Family-Affair-opener dress she's wearing? Hardly worth it.

Posted by Andy Niable | February 25, 2007 8:21 PM
24

Woooo DIVA SING OFF on da Oscaz! What number do I call?

Posted by Andy Niable | February 25, 2007 8:23 PM
25

beyonce is fixin to stab a girl!!!!! i see it in her crazy eyes!

Posted by gforce | February 25, 2007 8:24 PM
26

The dude can't sing at all. He's as bad as Rob Lowe.

Posted by Fnarf | February 25, 2007 8:27 PM
27

Academy, we goin' ta CHURCH!

Posted by Andy Niable | February 25, 2007 8:27 PM
28

All this melismatic R&B stuff sounds like someone's stomping the singer's toes. Pointless facsimile of something that only vaguely resembles human emotion.

Posted by David Summerlin | February 25, 2007 8:27 PM
29

I am starting the rumor now: Beyonce is hiding a baby bump with that dress. You heard it here first...she is knocked up. And I did it...or wait, maybe Fnarf did it.

Posted by Monique | February 25, 2007 8:27 PM
30

This isn't Motown. This isn't even vaguely Motown.

Posted by golob | February 25, 2007 8:28 PM
31

Is it just me, or did Ellen laugh as she announced John Travolta as an academy award nominee?

Posted by Joey The Girl | February 25, 2007 8:29 PM
32

Yes, yes, John we all know your gay E-meter was reset by Scientology. But you still get to dress up as Edna Turblatt "just for the movies"...

Posted by Andy Niable | February 25, 2007 8:29 PM
33

OMG? Melissa Fucking Ethridge?

Posted by Monique | February 25, 2007 8:30 PM
34

Thank you, DISNEY, for the internationally broadcast lesbian kiss from Melissa...

Posted by Andy Niable | February 25, 2007 8:31 PM
35

Is commenter "Monique" hooking up with and breaking up with "Joshica" every ten minutes here?

I have not impregnated Beyonce but if I see much more of her cleavage I might just impregnate these trousers I'm wearing.

Posted by Fnarf | February 25, 2007 8:32 PM
36

that hurt - and did you seen JenHudson's bra and boob popping out of her dress? she's still a much better singer than Beyonce....

Posted by ouch | February 25, 2007 8:32 PM
37

No, Monique, it was not Fnarf, it was the ACADEMY that f'd Beyonce (so says African-America)

Posted by Andy Niable | February 25, 2007 8:32 PM
38

Didnt ya all love that little newsflash about the PRESIDENT OF IRAQ having a friggin STROKE in between Academy Awards? Obviously an Eddie Murphy fan...

Posted by Andy Niable | February 25, 2007 8:36 PM
39

Okay the drugs HAVE kicked in after THAT montage...

Posted by Andy Niable | February 25, 2007 8:38 PM
40

Oh my! Olivia DeHavilland won for Best Editing!

Posted by Andy Niable | February 25, 2007 8:43 PM
41

Am I wrong or does the Oscar director have a camera on Jack "Lex Luthor" Nicholson at all times for reaction shots? I'm waiting for one of him in the john...

Posted by Andy Niable | February 25, 2007 8:45 PM
42

To be fair, Joshica and Monique are halfway through a bottle of expensive tequila and all the way through 3 bottles of champage so far. Seriously, we're sitting in the suburbs and catting it up.

Posted by Joshica and Monique | February 25, 2007 8:48 PM
43

Okay--it was hard to tell--who won the Annual Celebrity Applause Meter? Altman?

Posted by Andy Niable | February 25, 2007 8:48 PM
44

We feel like stars now that Fnarf noticed us! Sigh, flutter, etc.

Posted by Joshica and Monique | February 25, 2007 8:50 PM
45

I was just noticing that half the time you post as "Monique" and half the time as "Joshica and Monique". Must be the tequila.

Mirren. Surprise.

Posted by Fnarf | February 25, 2007 8:55 PM
46

"Just kidding. Iíve hated that movie ever since it got nominated."

Is that a Crash joke?

Posted by Chris | February 25, 2007 9:08 PM

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