Life New Year’s Eve
posted by on January 1 at 11:38 AM
A friend at work had some extra tickets—eight of them—to last night’s Sonics’ game at the Key Arena. So Terry and I took our kid to his first pro-basketball game. It was my first pro-basketball game too. I hear a lot from basketball fans about how much more exciting basketball is compared to baseball. The players are always running up and down the tarmac or whatever, there’s a shot clock forcing them to throw the ball at the net already or lose the ball, blah blah blah. I wasn’t impressed. I found the non-stop “action” kind of monotonous compared to baseball. Yes, in baseball there are times when not much happens—those are the times you go get another beer. But then someone hits a home run (usually while you’re pissing away your last beer), or the bases fill up and the tension builds. The emotional payoffs watching a baseball games are, at least for me, far more satisfying than all the dashing back and forth during basketball.
But I have to give the Sonics their due: They’ve got hos. I speak of the Sonics Dancers, of course, who bump and grind between innings or sets or acts or whatever they’re called. I don’t have a problem with scantily clad people—male or female, Josh—but I was a little taken aback by the Sonics Dancers first number. It was a medley of “She Works Hard for the Money,” a song that smacks of prostitution, and “Hey, Big Spender!”, a song literally sung by prostitutes. An odd choice, I thought, since the Sonics are very defensive about their supposedly wholesome, just-for-fun dance squad.
In the male flesh department, I have to say that I’m a fan of the outfits the players wore. For gay armpit fetishists, basketball has it all over baseball. I’m not an armpit fetishist myself; I’m just offering you my informed opinion as a sex-advice professional. But if I were an armpit fetishist, I would want to spend some quality time alone with (in?) the armpits of the Celtic’s Wally Szczerbiak…
God bless Google: Here’s a picture of Wally shirtless. And since anyone who Googles “armpit fetish” is going to find their way to this post, here’s a shot of Wally’s armpits. And here’s a close-up of Wally’s right armpit. We aims to please.
After the game we swung by an all-male, all-gay New Year’s Eve party on Capitol Hill. The boys were discussing fist-fucking—well, one boy with some FF experience was telling the others, all FF virgins, what it was like—until we arrived with our eight year-old son and his nine year-old friend.
Gay parents ruin everything for everybody.
Wow. Wally: 10 out of 10 shirtless.
Of course with the Storm, we are stuck with precocious kid dancers. I'm not really sure why an 8 year old doing a booty dance is considered more "wholesome" than a woman doing the same, but of course the WNBA is not going to have sexy ladies perform during the rbeaks. That might make some people think there are lesbians in the audience.
Dan,
I completely agree with your comments on the sonics dancers. It's not family at all. Moreover, the dancing is lame. The male dance (the "boom squad") were far more entertaining, and vastly more skilled dancers and athletes. For that matter, the Beale Street Flippers were wildly entertaining, and even when they removed their shirts were more family than the dancers.
As to your perceptions of the game, again I can't argue. I'd just ask you to keep an open mind and go to a game where you have excellent seats. Your photo indicates you were in the upper bowl.
Yes, that was rude. Rude to the other guests and rude to the host (in making them feel uncomfortable) and also rude to your son and his friend.
Dan, the dancers are not hos, no matter how provocatively they sway their hips. The dance style is called 'jazz'. They are regular 18-22 year old people, most of whom have taken ballet, tap, or jazz most of their lives. I had a few friends on that team in high school and college and at least one of them used that experience toward becoming an actor in NYC now (off-off-Broadway, but still.) Okay, so they also got me into a couple games for free, but I digress...
There are lots of dancers like this who work cruise lines, Vegas, and other factory-like dance work before moving on to 'real' work in New York or LA. It's basically working in the trenches and earning your dues, so to speak. Or they don't move on and get to have a 20-year career doing what they love.
They don't deserve to be called names just for doing their jobs, and frankly, they are often more talented than the players they are trying to get the crowd excited for.
Perhaps they should wear bloomers and do the polka, instead?
dan is a closet prude
Chip, we were invited—kids and all. And how is it rude to let your kid stay up on NYE after he begged you to all day?
And I'm not a prude, Al. Well, a little maybe. But I wear it well.
Savage says:
"... between innings or sets or acts or whatever they’re called."
Right, Dan. You really had no idea.
Dan,
Try a college basketball game sometime, just to see the difference. Pro sports can't hold a candle to the atmosphere of a college crowd. And the hos (or as Gregg Easterbrook of ESPN calls them, cheer-babes) wear more wholesome outfits, if that helps.
Mea culpa then, since the host included kids. Thanks Dan.
FF for kids! :D just kidding...
Thank fucking gawd I spent New Year's in Florida--with lots of wonderful, funny, sexy gay guys, none of whom have or want kids.
beautiful post dan. happy new year.
Dan, I agree completely about basketball vs baseball with you - all that running up and down the court and continual scoring is boring, not exciting. As a wise man once told me, only the final 5 minutes count in basketball.
Okay, I exaggerate a bit - I've become a bit more of a fan since my hometown team (the Nuggets) stopped being the joke of the NBA. But I still think basketball is the sport of choice for those afflicted with ADD, which explains why they don't like baseball. No, you don't have to have a short attention span to like basketball, but you can't have that if you're going to watch baseball.
I like watching the hoop during warmups when all the players are firing outside shots. Notice how many of them actually go in. When you get home, go to the nearest hoop and see how many of your shots sink...
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