Arts Tips on Getting Your Theater’s Name on the Cover of the Stranger
posted by January 30 at 18:38 PMon
So we’re sitting here putting out the print edition of this weekly newspaper and we’ve got a review of a local production of Arthur Miller’s adaptation of Henrik Ibsen’s Enemy of the People that we want to plug on the cover. Won’t say if it’s a good review or bad. We just want to put it on the fucking cover. But the name of theater is making it nearly impossible.
The Strawberry Theatre Workshop? What the fuck kind of a name for a theater is that? Did Strawberry Shortcake and the Children’s Television Workshop have a fucked up baby and institutionalize it here in Seattle? What’s next for Seattle theater? My Little Pink Pony Players?
Hey, Strawberry Theatre Workshop! Your name is too fucking long to fit on our cover—or any newspaper’s cover. It’s not a name, it’s fucking paragraph. Seven syllables? Have you really earned seven fucking syllables? And while you abbreviate your name Strawshop, we can’t use that on the cover by itself—as in, “Strawshop’s New ‘Enemy’”— because most readers won’t know what the fuck we’re talking about. But our copy editor doesn’t want us to use “Strawshop Theatre’s New ‘Enemy’” because the world might end if we to take the first half the word from the start of your name and shove it together with the last half of the word from the end of your name and then slap the entire word from the middle of your name on to the end. Follow that? ME NEITHER!
And you know what else? It’s theatER not theatRE, you pretentious twats.
Oh and speaking of pretentious twattery, I just went to your website to double check the spelling of your name, which is where I happened upon your “mission statement.”
Our name is derived from the Strawberry Fields of popular music, and the Beatles, who used their recording studio as a daily laboratory of expression. Like a musical ensemble, which still allows the ear to identify the craft of individual players, our aesthetic strives toward…
BLAH BLAH BLAH! The name of your theatER is plenty annoying BEFORE you start explaining it. Remove that pretentious mission statement from your website immediately. Here’s the only mission statement you need, you dirty hippies:
Strawberry TheatER Workshop is dedicated to making theatER THAT DOESN’T SUCK.
Pretentious, suckshit “theatre” gits are a dime a dozen around here—they give ‘em columns if they suck long and hard enough—but theater artists making theater that doesn’t suck? We could use some more of them!
That’s what we need. Non-suckshit theaters, with short, catchy names—names that fit on newspaper covers.