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Thursday, November 30, 2006

An Open Letter to My Carbuncle

posted by on November 30 at 11:09 AM

Dear My Carbuncle:

Just a few days ago you were a humble subcutaneous zit. But that wasn’t enough for you. You wanted to break out! To see the sights! And so you became a monstrously obvious ruby eruption right between my eyes.

Welcome to the world, My Carbuncle.

I can’t help but wonder if you’ve reached your peak today, of all days, because you want to co-host Loudhailer at the Henry Art Gallery this evening. Would you like to emcee with me, My Carbuncle? Would you like to meet esteemed writers like Jonathan Raban, Matt Briggs, and John Olson, who will be reading stories regarding Philip Larkin, earwigs, and anxiety, respectively?

Would you like to help me introduce less-esteemed writers like Christopher Frizzelle, Charles Mudede, Annie Wagner, and Jen Graves, who will be delivering footnotes on the more-esteemed writers’ readings? Are you just here to upstage me?

Would you like your own microphone, My Carbuncle? What can I do to make you happy today, of all days, midway on your journey between nothing and nothing?

RSS icon Comments


This post reminds me of the movie "How To Get Ahead In Advertising"... the story of one zit that took control of a life.

Posted by The Peanut Gallery | November 30, 2006 11:58 AM

jesus. enough with these open letters already. please move on to a new device.

Posted by TKO | November 30, 2006 12:03 PM

Picture, please.

Posted by Stephen in Chicago | November 30, 2006 1:27 PM

Great, now I'm going to have the song My Carbuncle stuck in my head all day.

Posted by michael | November 30, 2006 1:50 PM

Is My Carbuncle sung as My Sharona? Cause that's what I'm hearing. The lyrics would barely have to change...

"Ooh my little pretty one, pretty one.
When you gonna give me some time, Carbuncle?"

Posted by PdxRitchie | November 30, 2006 1:58 PM

please disregard tko and please write more letters. each bring a ridiculous amount of joy to my sad cubicle world.

Posted by z is for xylophone | November 30, 2006 1:59 PM

LOVE the open letters. Keep 'em up.

Posted by giantladysquirrels | November 30, 2006 2:00 PM

We want a god damn picture. Please.

Posted by Angry Crowd | November 30, 2006 2:32 PM

I actually lol'd at this.

And I agree, this is nearly worthless without pics. In fact, let's all send in pictures of boils, carbuncles, chancres, zits, lesions. Good times for all. Extra points if they are juicey. ;-)

Posted by Bart | November 30, 2006 2:46 PM

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