Media Milk, Cows, Lawyers and Money
posted by October 18 at 16:11 PMon
I thought my head was fixin’ to explode when I read this piece of misogynistic crap from MSN, headlined “Afraid to Commit: Young Men Want to Wait on Marriage.” The author asks all of 60 men why they’ve waited to get married; he then uses the results of this extremely scientific study to conclude, and I’m paraphrasing, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”
Among the top 10 “reasons men won’t commit”:
• They can easily get sex without getting married (unlike when? the ’50s? Seriously, is this still being used as an excuse to continue “playing the field”?)
• They can “enjoy the benefits of having a wife” (housework? blow jobs?) without getting married.
• They don’t want to get screwed over by a money-grubbing ex in divorce proceedings.
• They’re waiting for a “woman who accepts them just as they are and won’t try to change them” but who is herself their “perfect soul mate.”
• They enjoy the “freedom not to be responsible to anybody else” and to live exactly as they please.
(Also included as sidebars to the “study”: a list of “10 signs he’s about to propose,” tips on dragging him “from casual to commitment”; and a quiz to determine if you and your man are “on the same wavelength.” That’s right - this story is aimed at women.)
But while I was fantasizing about beating the author about the head and shoulders with a copy of “Backlash,” I started to wonder what this “study” would look like if it had reached the same conclusions about women. Cue the handy Regender machine!
Reason 2: Women can enjoy the benefits of having a husband by cohabiting rather than marrying. Women think living together is a good way to test out a marriage prospect. They also view living together as less risky than marriage. At the same time, the women in the study like the convenience of having a regular sex partner. And several said they appreciate the domestic benefits of cohabitation, and the ability to share expenses, but thought marriage unnecessary at this point in life..
Reason 3: Women want to avoid divorce and its financial risks. Women feel that their financial assets are better protected if they cohabit rather than marry. They also fear that an ex-husband will take financial advantage during settlement proceedings.
Reason 4: Women want to wait until they are older to have children. Although women understand that men worry about their biological clocks, they say they don’t have to. And they don’t want to be pressured into marriage by men who want marriage in order to have children.
Reason 6: Women are waiting for the perfect soul mate and he hasn’t yet appeared. A soul mate, the women said, is a man who accepts them just as they are and won’t try to change them.
And some of the “reactions” to the study, regendered::
“You should have an article on why divorced women will not marry again. The responses would be very interesting. For example:
They’ve already been taken to the cleaners at least once by a prior husband.
If a man has kids, he really has no use for a woman. He’s got the house, the BMW, the kids, and her support and alimony. […]
“I’m tired of the b.s. that it takes to even try to find a good man. In 90% of my prior relationships, I gave 110% to trying to forge a marriage. But that was only good for some half-hearted affection that soon disappears after the ring is brought forth. Then it’s all about what he needs, or worse yet — what his children need. I’m tired of trying to weed through the predatory men. It costs too much to the kind woman’s heart. So I quit.”
Whew. Thanks for letting me get that out of my system.