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Wednesday, July 18, 2007

How Harry Is this Spoiler?

posted by on July 18 at 14:50 PM

According to sources completely untrustable, the not-quite-yet-released and alleged finale of the entire Harry Potter franchise, “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows”, has been uncovered, leaked, and otherwise unleashed early, and—-watch out!—you shall discover the spoily alleged plot points revealed below.

However! To protect the willfully ignorant, these secrets have been cleverly and thoughtfully hidden in a field of white text that must be selected and highlighted to be seen. If you don’t wanna know…I strongly suggest that you DO NOT highlight the field below.

Last warning!

Dumbledore is fucking ALIVE, his whole murder was a fakeout, of course.

But! Snape is forced to murder him again.
Ron Weasley dies (thank God).
Then later; Hermione dies (ditto).
And then: Harry kills himself in order to destroy Voldemort!
In the end, Harry is reunited in the Deathly Hallows Ghost World with his parents, Ron, Hermione, Sirius and Dumbledore…kind of like the end of Return of the Jedi!

Return of the WHAT? Ugh. I warned you not to highlight it.

RSS icon Comments


Not that I care, but it's only the first sentence that has to be highlighted- the rest of the text is in black.

Posted by me | July 18, 2007 3:00 PM

Thanks for the title, allowed me to skip right over the post.

Posted by Dianna | July 18, 2007 3:02 PM

Actually, Dumbledore is really Snape's half brother's roommate's cousin's maid's son.


Posted by Will in Seattle | July 18, 2007 3:29 PM

OH MY GOD, I totally just remembered that I don't give a shit.

Posted by monkey | July 18, 2007 3:50 PM

... or like the end of Titanic, when Rose is reunited with Jack and everyone else on the boat in her dreams.

What a crock. I don't believe your stupid spoiler. JKR is too crafty for that shit.

Posted by Kim | July 18, 2007 3:55 PM

Kakutani's already reviewed the thing on the NYT website.

Posted by I don't care either | July 18, 2007 6:35 PM

Harry who?

Posted by COMTE | July 18, 2007 9:20 PM

HTML sure is hard, ain't it guys?

Posted by Jordyn | July 18, 2007 9:49 PM

"Me," Jordyn, can you guys elaborate? This post looks good in Firefox and Safari on our Macs... Which browser/OS are you using and what do you see exactly?

Posted by Amy Kate Horn | July 18, 2007 9:54 PM

ditto @4. did you read in the nyt that rowling is now richer than the queen? she doesn't need any more money. steal, borrow or skip that book.

Posted by ellarosa | July 18, 2007 10:19 PM

Actually, this appears to be a false spoiler, anyway.

There is a spoiler-free review in the NYT today (apparently a local bookstroe person recognized Ms. Kaukutani, as she was able to buy a copy in advance). Without giving anything substantive away, the review manages to say enough to make it clear that the person who wrote this spoiler didn't read the same book she did.

So, even though the Stranger needs some help learning how to mask text, any devoted Potter-readers in the audience are safe.

Posted by H | July 19, 2007 5:14 AM

this is a fake spoiler.

hermione doesn't die, neither does harry.

Posted by zilch | July 19, 2007 12:51 PM

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