How Harry Is this Spoiler?
posted by July 18 at 14:50 PMon
According to sources completely untrustable, the not-quite-yet-released and alleged finale of the entire Harry Potter franchise, “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows”, has been uncovered, leaked, and otherwise unleashed early, and—-watch out!—you shall discover the spoily alleged plot points revealed below.
However! To protect the willfully ignorant, these secrets have been cleverly and thoughtfully hidden in a field of white text that must be selected and highlighted to be seen. If you don’t wanna know…I strongly suggest that you DO NOT highlight the field below.
Dumbledore is fucking ALIVE, his whole murder was a fakeout, of course.
But! Snape is forced to murder him again.
Ron Weasley dies (thank God).
Then later; Hermione dies (ditto).
And then: Harry kills himself in order to destroy Voldemort!
In the end, Harry is reunited in the Deathly Hallows Ghost World with his parents, Ron, Hermione, Sirius and Dumbledore…kind of like the end of Return of the Jedi!
Return of the WHAT? Ugh. I warned you not to highlight it.