Sex “Many women refuse to sit on faces because they’re conscious of what a butt smells like.”
posted by October 1 at 16:24 PMon
eHow.com is a website that offers thousands and thousands of tutorials on “How To Do Just About Everything.” Seriously. Topics include: How to Assign Power of Attorney for an Offshore Bank Account; How to Avoid Being Picked Out Of A Police Lineup; How to Acid Wash Clothes (“Get access to two industrial washing machines…”); How to Act Around Your Boyfriend (“Were not going to stop liking you because we just saw you eat a turkey sandwich”); How to Build a Small Robot (“Place the vibrator on the back of the toothbrush head…”); and so on and so on.
A friend who works for the site recently e-mailed me a submission they received, which, unfortunately, is a little too risque for publication on eHow. But not for Slog!
Ladies and gentlemen, I present for your edification, How to Get Face Sat (full text after the jump):
How to Get Face Sat
Difficulty Rating: Challenging
Give a woman multiple orgasms by having her sit on your face. Any woman you date is a potential candidate to sit on your face. Each woman has a primal desire to sit on a guy’s face—even through most don’t know this until they get a taste of it. There’s no reason why this should only exist in your fantasies. This is an easy and effective way to please a woman.
Learn to be good at cunnilingus if you’re not already good at it. Enjoy giving oral sex to a woman with every fiber of your being. Start by reading books about it, then ask your partner for feedback. Listen to her, both her verbal and non-verbal language.
Surprise your partner. Tell her that you want to get into the sixty-nine position, with you on the bottom. If you do a good job, she won’t be able to concentrate with going down on you. Push her up so that she’s at a 45-degree angle to you. She may try to go back down on you, but push her up. Continue to satisfy her orally and breathe right into her butt.
Nudge her up when she starts moaning; continue to lick her vagina. Then gradually get her into a “sitting” position. When she really gets into the move of things, pull her butt down onto your face. Expect one of two things to happen. She relaxes, sits on your face and enjoys the ride, or she resists you at some point.
Continue hitting her at the right spots. When she’s sitting on your face, your tongue has access to all her erogenous zones, including her clitoris. It won’t take you long to bring her off to a powerful orgasm. Some might try to dismount you before reaching an orgasm, don’t let them escape. Hold her hips tightly and keep going at it until she orgasms.
Talk to her about the experience after her orgasms. Most women who orgasm while sitting on a guy’s face become attached to receiving pleasure this way.
Tell her that you enjoy heavy face-sitting if she resisted your attempts to get her to fully sit on your face. Let her know that no matter how hard she sits, it won’t discomfort you. Slowly work her in. Your encouragement and her willingness to please you help in easing these fears.
Tips and Warnings:
* Many women refuse to sit on faces because they’re conscious of what a butt smells like. Resolve this by sniffing her butt during foreplay or after she orgasms. Do this when she’s comfortable with you. Tell her how great she smells down there.
* A professional dominatrix that does smothering and breath play is a good face-sitting candidate. Before you meet a woman, arrange a face-sitting session with a dominatrix. Get her to subject you to brutal, full-weight face sitting. Reference this history when working with a woman that’s afraid to “crush” your face.