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Tuesday, July 29, 2008

“Text is likely to be stupid.”

posted by on July 29 at 17:00 PM

Stupidfilter is a website that supposedly determines whether text is stupid or not.

I went to one of the dumbest places on the internet, a site called Boycott McDonald’s that’s boycotting McDonald’s for “promoting the homosexual agenda, including homosexual marriage.” It was featured on Wonkette last week. I pulled one comment:

“shame on you, do you not realize this was a family restaurent—-NOT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!”

And plugged it into Stupidfilter and got this response:


But then I plugged this comment:

“It was bad enough having to keep my Spanish to English dictionary handy every time I pulled up to your drive-thru window (to the tune of about $1,000 per year). But this is the final straw (and I guess the final Big Mac) for me. Your blatant disregard for the strongly held moral values most Americans hold dear has cost you my business. Yes, Wendy’s, I will have a Frosty with that.”

In to Stupidfilter and got this response:


Which is clearly wrong. There’s so much that’s stupid about that quote—the blind hatred of immigrants, the eating one thousand dollars a year worth of McDonald’s drive-thru food, the “moral values most Americans hold dear,” the belief that getting a milkshake dairy dessert eaten with a spoon at Wendy’s is a moral imperative—that it’s clearly a stupid quote. So, really, all that Stupidfilter does is spot things like ALL CAPS and extra exclamation points and misspellings. But those things, those ALL CAPS and extra exclamation points and misspellings, are nature’s way of marking the stupid people for us already. Needing a website to identify that kind of stupidity is, well, stupid.

RSS icon Comments


The Frosty IS NOT a milkshake!!!!!!!!

Posted by giantladysquirrels | July 29, 2008 5:07 PM

@1: Apologies. What is it, then?

Posted by Paul Constant | July 29, 2008 5:18 PM

Look at this stupid Stupidfilter. Who could love such a stupid Stupidfilter? It can't talk. It can't feed itself. It can't even read Chelsea Alvarez-Bell's blog without falling on its stupid Stupidfilter butt. Imagine the embarrassment its webmaster must feel. Though website hacking is morally wrong, it should have at least been a consideration for this stupid Stupidfilter. This Stupidfilter is completely useless in every conceivable way. Look at it. Look at this Stupidfilter. Stupid, stupid Stupidfilter. Stupid, Stupid Stupidfilter!

Posted by Cookie W. Monster | July 29, 2008 5:21 PM

@2: dairy dessert et with a spoon, not drunk through a straw.

Posted by Dave Thomas FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE | July 29, 2008 5:22 PM

I'm pretty sure all it does is count the number of exclamation marks.

Posted by X37V | July 29, 2008 5:27 PM

Is your broken strike-through tag a subconscious critique of the Slog's content?

Posted by keshmeshi | July 29, 2008 5:28 PM

or open strike tags

Posted by strike! | July 29, 2008 5:28 PM

Stupidity with good grammar is just about the most frightening thing on the planet.

Posted by Mahtli69 | July 29, 2008 5:29 PM

My favorite quote:

"I live in Astoria, Oregon and I, my family, and friends will nolonger eat there."

I wouldn't eat in Astoria, Oregon either to be honest.

Posted by Gregus | July 29, 2008 5:31 PM

But, to be fair, merely counting misspelled words and superfluous punctuation will bag you a shit-ton of stupid.

Posted by shub-negrorath | July 29, 2008 5:31 PM

My milkshake is [strikethrough]better than yours. [/strikethrough]

Posted by Bubbles | July 29, 2008 5:32 PM

Zombie Dave Thomas @4: Fixed! And I momentarily broke all of Slog at the same time.

Posted by Paul Constant | July 29, 2008 5:33 PM

A Frosty is more propertly eaten with french fries, not a spoon.

Posted by joykiller | July 29, 2008 5:36 PM

Thanks, Paul. And don't worry about little mistakes like breaking Slog. My burgers were the wrong shape and people loved them.

Posted by Dave Thomas FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE | July 29, 2008 5:40 PM

You know, I'm pretty good at identifying stupid text without using a website at all. I think you are too.

Posted by Fnarf | July 29, 2008 5:52 PM

Dave Thomas FBTG,

Is it true that it takes all kinds of critters to make Farmer Vincent's Fritters? Not that that's necessarily related to your burgers being the wrong shape...

Posted by Jeff Stevens | July 29, 2008 5:56 PM

I'm going to try and work "Yes, Wendy's, I will have a Frosty with that" into all my future conversations, arguments, and statements of outrage. It really sinks the point home.

Posted by Explorer | July 29, 2008 6:04 PM


That stupid thing reminds me of wonderful pretentious blathering... and I do believe fine Jurists in Washington D.C. will soon be contemplating the use of force in "wonkettes" and "wannabees" ligament oil and fillibustering soon.

I say this because I learned of a recent article and convention of publishers, where innuendo and stale creases in three day old shirts mixed with buffoonery and malaise....

and now for something completly different;

from the "if he can do it we can do it again" files....

Three Volumes Vol. Two
Page 229
The Trial of Pyx

an interesting point of contention for Peter Gabriel fans in support of Thom Yorke and the Queen of England and mis-spelling all at the same time.

Dean Stanley says:
"Hither were brought the most cherished possessions of the state; the regalia of the Saxon Monarchy; the Black Rood of Saint Margaret (q.v.);The Crocis Gneyth( or cross of St.Neot)from Wales, deposited here by Edward I.;the sceptre or rod of Moses; the Ampulla of Henry IV.; the sword with which King Athelstane cut through the rock at Dunbar; the sword of Wayland Smith, by which Henry II was knighted; the sword of Tristan, presented to John the Emporer ; the dagger which wounded Edward I at Acre; the iron guantlet worn by John of France, when taken prisoner at Poictiers."

Now, Let me tell you little rappers hipster catwankers everywhere....

If, and mind you my If is a very big If... yo don't get the fuck out of the way and get some of this hard won message to Peter Gabriel in these SLOG lists that I can and will write and play guitar and lyrical pen at grammy level, and back it up with MERLINS OWN GOD DAME herself if I have to by teaching you unbelievers the meaning of fantasy reality before it happens to you....
Anyone can go watch a movie for $6.00 American back in the 90's and come out inspired at the phase of the moon and mope around theaters waiting for casting calls... but not everyone can hear it and feel it in time....

I don't HAVE to understand WHY it comes to me and I say get the fuck out of the way and I don't give a shit if you think I an all wet for the British Monarchy... if you follow the facts other people live by and move whole ECONOMIES around inside the TRUCKS and COMPUTERS from banks to lending houses, and IF you new some of the STUFF I have given to JEN GRAVES and MIKE NIPPER to prove that I am not just a chaelsea-a-peek-a-boo bonaroo waver in the crowd starry eyed fan afraid of the drug culture because of EXTREME WALLFLOWERISM.... the you don't know what your talking about.

Some people get LUCKY at the CASINO...


"Daniel Lanois once had as a reply on his e-mail confirmation ....two words of simplicity... got it."

I may be a foul mouthed son of a sailor mooning for the pied pipers old tune... but GODDAMMIT JIM I CAN BEAM YOU UP AS WELL!


god dammit jim....

Remember young grasshoppers...

Norm Bowler is FAMOUS BECAUSE he said there is no such thing as good grief.

Posted by danielbennettkieneker | July 29, 2008 6:05 PM

Ah, but with the !! Stupidfilter !! device!!! or variation thereof YOU, stupid human, do not need to read the stupid text. When Slog comments begin to scroll you'd be able to find a non-stupid one if it existed.

Posted by jebus h. xst | July 29, 2008 6:08 PM

...just remember he always catches his own mis-spelling first, after he makes an ass of himself at Cornwall.

Emperor is the correct spelling,
and emp or er is the obvious "mixamytosis" disease of an over exuberant rant for renters.

Posted by anonymus thomes thumb | July 29, 2008 6:10 PM

Perhaps the Stupidfilter is smart enough to know that Wendy's was the chain that pulled it's ads from Ellen's "coming out" episode, and thus, would be a good choice for the commenter to switch to (from McDonald's).

@#4 I knew I had husband material when I took my date to Wendy's and he was able to drink his Frosty through a straw.

Posted by nightlifejitters | July 29, 2008 6:13 PM

God hates goths is likely to be stupid, but God hates retards is not likely to be stupid? what kind of crazy machine is that?

Posted by vooodooo84 | July 29, 2008 6:14 PM

Tell me dear Jebus H. XST,

Do you care one wit whether the guillotine in 1227 was invented for the french revolution in the 1600's by way of a lewis carroll fairy tail trick of the imagination or would you rather the gods on olympus vett your computer hacking skills in sing sing and alka-seltsort-razor lands school for non-existant sex queens and NO BOOTY SCHOOL FOR STUPIDS LIKE YOU IN THE NEXT SCREENWRTIERS AD HOC MEETING????

you got a spacer bar in your set and i can tell so let's all just play nice and we'll all have more fun with the real instruments in our hands...

you can play battle bot online with the rope a dopes and I can be called a racist puritanical satanist for all I care cause when I get my guitars in my hands you will know what my little humbles friends can do to make a young maidenhead quiver.

Posted by Daniel Bennett Kieneker | July 29, 2008 6:19 PM

"Likely" is the operative word here. Frankly, Paul, I expect more from you when it comes to textual analysis. You're entire post, while appropriately outraged (I guess) is incorrect by virtue of your intentional (?) misreading.

What am I doing? I need to stop reading this thing so often.

Posted by Matthew | July 29, 2008 6:20 PM

That's nothing. Did you know someone came up with a Stupid Text Generator? It's disguised as a comments field.

Posted by flamingbanjo | July 29, 2008 6:26 PM
That's nothing. Did you know someone came up with a Stupid Text Generator? It's disguised as a comments field.
Text is not likely to be stupid.

The Stupid Text Generator is broke!

Posted by umvue | July 29, 2008 6:34 PM

That thing is seriously underestimating the amount of stupid out there.

Posted by thehim | July 29, 2008 6:55 PM

DBK, go home and take your medicine NOW.

Posted by Fnarf | July 29, 2008 7:07 PM

Stupid Filter said, of the original post, "Text is likely to be stupid".

We can all go back to watching wrasslin' now.

Posted by Randy Beaver | July 29, 2008 9:22 PM

I love you, Paul Constant.

Posted by Andy | July 29, 2008 9:25 PM

Number 8 is close -

“[Duplicity] with good grammar is [] the most frightening thing on the planet.”

That about captures it.

Posted by Waldo | July 29, 2008 9:58 PM

"But those things, those ALL CAPS and extra exclamation points and misspellings, are nature’s way of marking the stupid people for us already."

Does that mean anyone caught misspelling "your/you're" can be teased unmercifully from now on?
(good thing I have a spell-checker)

Posted by yourAgoodManCharleiBraun | July 29, 2008 11:24 PM

All your post are belong to us.

Posted by Will in Seattle | July 30, 2008 12:00 AM

"As long as McDonald's keeps supporting same sex marriage my family will NO longer be eating there. Please Do consider others Faith and our children. It is Very wrong to be supporting gays, it even says so in the Bible. I feel that you are so wrong about supporting gays, mabey you should pick up your Bible and READ it!!!"

I especially like the "mabey." and the randomly capitalized words. Maybe the author of this should pick up a dictionary.

Posted by Joe | July 30, 2008 8:20 AM

The stupid filter could still work. It just needs a larger features set to draw and train from, like what spam filters use. Naive Bayes classifiers FTW.

Posted by tsm | July 30, 2008 9:34 AM

I think Constant is my new favorite Slogger.

Posted by arduous | July 30, 2008 10:31 AM

Uh, William F. Buckley?
He sure wrote some stupid shit. In a literate kinda way.

Joe @34 -- I've been reading prose by the general public at my job for 17 years or so now. And my coworkers for almost as long. Something went screwy in the past 5 years - America has Capitalization Fever! If you think it's Important, capitalize It! People have gone Medieval.

Heck, it's my coworkers more than the public.

Posted by CP | July 30, 2008 6:00 PM

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