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Thursday, June 19, 2008

Hide Yer Tallboys! Guard Yer Kools! It’s Another Spears!

posted by on June 19 at 12:56 PM

It is my sad duty to inform you that the dread Spears Gene—a faulty allele associated with unabashed white-trashness, exhibitionistic sluttery, and vile, gum-smacking republican tendencies—has scored yet another Darwinian triumph:

People and Us Weekly are reporting that Jamie Lynn Spears has given birth to a baby girl.

This tragic news has, of course, been accompanied by massive flooding in the Midwest and a tornado or two, and if Revelations can be trusted (and I’m really beginning to wonder), the wise would do well to prepare for, like, spontaneous rains of toads or some kind of weird shit like that. Wear a hat maybe. Couldn’t hurt.

RSS icon Comments

1

I heard that you could totally see the baby's entire vagina as it stepped out of the womb. Not a hair on it. Slut.

Posted by JC | June 19, 2008 1:24 PM
2

Well, I hope her delivering MD sewed her back up nice 'n' tight, or she ain't never goin' ta git another boyfriend all stretched out like that. It's hard enough for a girl after she ain't sixteen no more.

Posted by Fnarf | June 19, 2008 1:32 PM
3

That baby is literally a product of bad pop culture. If tweenage girls and middle-aged men had only chose to ignore that cross-eyed schoolgirl all those years ago, this would have never happened. We only have ourselves to blame, and now the human race must suffer.

Or it would have happened anyhow, but with different players, just like it is everywhere right now.

Posted by Dougsf | June 19, 2008 1:48 PM
4

fnarf make adrian laff.

Posted by adrian | June 19, 2008 1:49 PM
5

jaimie lynn spears is an inspiration to 14 year old mothers everywhere.

Posted by tiffany | June 19, 2008 2:34 PM
6

when i'm 60 it will be legal to hit that.

Posted by max solomon | June 19, 2008 2:45 PM
7

...thus ensuring that Jamie Lynn Spears will be a grandmother by the time she is 35.

Posted by Dave | June 19, 2008 2:50 PM
8

Thanks Perez

Posted by Non | June 19, 2008 3:04 PM
9

@ 8: suck a pipe, asshole.

Posted by adrian | June 19, 2008 3:14 PM
10

Sales of Gerber Pork Rinds soar.

Posted by Funyuns | June 19, 2008 4:03 PM
11

seattle is so liberal and open minded. we can no longer make fun of the gays, the blacks or the women, but thank god there's always good old white trash stereotypes & authentic hick language to fall back on. it must be a terrible burden being the arbiter of good taste.

Posted by alison | June 19, 2008 9:26 PM
12

whut? hey 'leven! U makin fun o' my daddy-mama?

Posted by brandon | June 19, 2008 10:53 PM

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