News Beware The Denny Way Zapper!
posted by May 21 at 9:56 AMon
I have just received intelligence that an unidentified and rather rude 30-ish white man armed with a…well, a tazer…is terrorizing the peaceful Capitol Hill area.
Earlier this week, two fabulously appointed Jews (a brother and sister who shall remain anonymous) were homeward bound in the late hours of the evening when they were confronted by the Mad Tazer-er on the corner of Denny Way and 13th Avenue East. The tazer-er demanded undisclosed amounts of money from them (knowing full well that Jews always carry big money, probably), or else…Zzzzzzzzzzzzztttttttttttt!
Fortunately, the pair escaped un-tazed and with their money and precious Jewishness still intact. Unfortunately, the would-be zapper and his foul intentions escaped into the night.
Will the Seattle Police stop harassing the homeless and hard-assing our precious night clubs long enough to address this new and electrifying threat to the good freaks of Capitol Hill? And when–-oh, when?!–-will the Mad Tazer-er strike again?
The answers are Hell no and Only time will tell, respectively. Experts suggest that Capitol Hillions wear a lot more rubber than usual until the perp is safely apprehended. And, um, try not to seem too Jewish maybe. Couldn’t hurt.