Sally Kern’s son denies reports he is gay

by: Mick Hinton, World Capitol Bureau

OKLAHOMA CITY — The son of a state lawmaker who has condemned homosexuality as a worse threat to the U.S. than “terrorists or Islam” said Friday he wants it known that he is “straight and not gay.”

Jesse Kern, son of Rep. Sally Kern, R-Oklahoma City, said information purporting that he is gay, which has appeared on several blogs, is damaging to himself and his family.

Kern, 31, said he feels the media has a responsibility to seek out the truth, then report it.

Kern, who said he is affiliated with the Des Moines School of Metaphysics, said that he chooses to be celibate, but he is not homosexual.

Was his statement and consequent oversharing about his celibacy necessary? I would guess not, but according to the very snazzy website of the Des Moines School of Metaphysics, he is not just affiliated, he is the director of said school. He also looks possibly do-able, in a squirrely but earnest kind of way.

“First of all, no one’s sexuality is anyone’s business. It is not even my mother’s business,” he said. “I practice celibacy to give to my God,” he said.

He neglects to mention if he’s celibate like a Catholic priest, and only diddles children, or celibate like the Blessed Virgin and may one day give birth to a saviour. I’m too afraid to delve into Metaphysics to find out. It is possible too, I suppose, that he’s gay and is celibate because he is afraid of his Mommy, but that is too tedious and sad-making to consider.

It is hoped that Mr. Kern will return to keeping his big trap shut, and let us also hope that his bigoted, dangerous, and paranoid mother learns to do the same.