Life Re: Ken Hutcherson Specifies His Threat to Microsoft
posted by on January 8 at 10:30 AM
Life on the campaign trial has left me a bit behind on my Prayer Warrior chronicling, so I’m grateful that Dave was able to bring you the news of Pastor Ken Hutcherson’s plan to use the U.S. stock market to Christian-fundamentalist advantage.
I just want to add that this idea is not new—in fact, it’s been a dream of Hutcherson’s for nearly two years to bring Microsoft to its knees via some sort of well-financed hostile takeover of a large number of the company’s shares. Back in 2006, Hutcherson was pushing a kind of Evangelical pump-and-dump scheme, in which Christians would buy up Microsoft shares, sell them all on the same day, and thereby destroy Microsoft’s stock price.
Back then, a market expert laughed in Hutcherson’s face (via an Associated Press story) and I pointed out that any group buying and then dumping Microsoft stock on Hutcherson’s timetable would become “one of the dumbest classes of investors in the marketplace.”
But I think Hutch has gotten a bit smarter this time around. Instead of asking a wide network of Christians to buy and then dump Microsoft stock on their own, he’s asking them to buy Microsoft stock and then donate it to—well, basically, donate it to him. Or, if you read the fine print, to his newly-formed “AGN Financial Network.”
Now there’s market savvy. Forget that collection plate! Get a bunch of people to give you gifts of stock in a valuable company, and then
I happen to know that Microsoft pays annual dividends to its shareholders. So if Hutch—excuse me, AGN Financial Network—comes to be the holder of, say, several thousand shares, or (in his wildest dreams) several hundred thousand shares of MSFT, I wonder: While the stock is rising and Hutch is showing up at every shareholders’ meeting to wage a losing anti-gay battle whose hopelessness may only serve to rile up even more people to buy and then donate MSFT to AGN—while all that’s happening, who will be getting those annual dividends? Hmmm?
Maybe the answer is here:
When asked whether the new initiative is a ploy to make money for his church, Hutcherson said, “Absolutely.”
Jebus, what IS it with religion and assholes?
Since we're heading into a recession, I don't see even Microsoft stock going up over the short term.
So, these people will be the second dumbest class of investors in history.
What? Eli, are you suggesting that the good Rev., Dr., Special Envoy of the White House Hutcherson is in this for financial gain?
I'm shocked!
Shocked I tell you!
Um yeah, right Hutch, nice scam. MS has something on the order of 10 billion (with a "B") shares of common stock issued, or about $342 B in share assets at current market rate. Bill Gates personally owns approximately 10% of all the outstanding shares currently issued.
So, by even the most generous of estimates Hutch is going to need something on the order of $3.2 B in share assets (say 1% of the total) to get a seat at the folding card table in the kitchen with the other minor-league Microsoft shareholders, and probably even more than that to negatively affecting the stock price.
That's one Hell of a lot of stock-tithing, even for a congregation as big as his.
So yeah, lotsa luck with that, loser.
On the other hand, who WOULDN'T want to have a few hundred thou of MSFT sitting in their back pocket? Yeah, maybe Hutch isn't such a dummy after all. Any members of his credulous congregation who actually follow through on this scam, however, are a different matter entirely.
Dear Jesus: The moneylenders seem to be using the temple again. Could you throw them out like you did last time?
kthxbai!
Asshatery on the grandest scale of asshaterists everywhere.
For fuck's sake. He can't even have the good grace to lie about it?
Why can't he protest by wiping Vista and XP off his Church's computers and installing a good, Christian operating system?
Dear Reverand H.
I am a poor Latino and I have some really angry people after me... behind my cause. Please send me 20 thousands shares of MSFT stock so I can upgrade my lifestyle, ahh, my behavior.
I agree with you, there is nothing like loving the lord when you're a rich asshole... doh, dumbship(sic) with an audiance... congregation.
Question: If the Lord is so smart, how in the world do we explain YOU??
Hutcherson promised a press release and a web site would be released yesterday.
Finally it has turned up on their website: http://www.agnfinancial.org
Seems that the Business Wire wouldn't publish it because of the content.
Get ready for terrible grammar and delusions of grandeur...
~GC
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