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Wednesday, January 25, 2006

The Whole World is Laughing

Posted by on January 25 at 8:11 AM

Last year, at the height of his anti-gay celebrity, eastside Rev. Ken Hutcherson told the New York Times that his grand ambition was to become “the most feared man in America.”

Would he settle for the most laughed at man in America? Because that’s what he became yesterday, when he announced his revised plan to bend Microsoft to his anti-gay will.

The new plan (not to be confused with the old, non-existent boycott plan) is for Christian fundamentalists to all buy a few shares of Microsoft stock over the next few months and then sell those shares all at the same time, on May 1. Apparently, Hutcherson believes this will cause Microsoft’s stock price to tank, an idea that “one market expert laughed at,” according to the AP.

Over at Americblog, John Aravosis is also laughing at Hutcherson’s plan, describing the pastor as “not exactly a walking billboard for intelligent design.”

Here’s something else that’s funny: Microsoft is planning to launch a new system for placing ads with its search results in June, a move that will position the company to better compete against Google and seems highly likely to drive up Microsoft’s stock price. So, all those Hutcherson-following fundamentalists (if there are any) who rush out now and buy Microsoft, and then sell their shares on May 1, just before the stock is likely to jump well, they may come to constitute one of the dumbest classes of investors in the marketplace.

But here’s what I think is the hands-down funniest part: The AP consulted a professor at the University of Washington about Hutcherson’s planned market manipulation, and the professor said it could be illegal.

How long do you think it will be before the first SEC compaint is filed? Tick, tick, tick….

CommentsRSS icon

In that story under the link, I found this quote to be funny, if not telling of exactly the cloth this mench is made of...

"It's a sacrifice," he (hutcherson)said. "If they don't follow me, I've lost nothing."

ummm... so a former professional football player, who must have saved (I hope a pastor would have saved) some money that he will use to buy this stock, but he won't feel any loss? So, does he think money is the root of all evil and after he dumps his stock he will have lost nothing?

This man, based on the charater of his lies, probablly needs to be taken at face value: he will have lost nothing, because he isn't going to buy any stock himself. He is just looking for "only fools follow a fool"

Clearly, "Hutch" is one of these guys who just runs his mouth before thinking. If he were wise, he'd start a blog - at least then he could get ad revenue from doing it. Crazies love reading that shit.
As for the nutjob's plan. Well, according to Microsoft, "As of September 9, 2005, there were 10,659,471,791 shares of Microsoft common stock outstanding." Now there are about 2 billion Christians worldwide, so if he could just get every single one of them to buy a share of MSFT at $26.40/share... ok yeah, the man is just an idiot.

The Hutch over reached. Big deal- that's what ambitious people do. But the problem with this gambit is that it's a joke rather than a beautiful failure. His only hope is if there's SEC issues that prevent him from even attempting it. Along with what seems to be internal/financial problems at his church it looks like his fame will be exiting (stage right).

My favorite comment came from the NY times yesterday:

"The big boys (investors) won't even touch that one with someone ELSE's 10-foot pole"

can't find direct link, sorry

I hope they go for it. What a way to make a bunch of right-wing christian kook equity disappear at a single stroke.

My new gig involves SEC type work.

It won't matter, even if Hutch's followers follow the plan to the letter. The SEC won't care and the stocks will not make a significant move either way. The volume of ownership across the board is far too great, with millions of shares out there, and shares being so expensive that only the wealthiest of his followers could afford more than a couple.

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