Slog News & Arts

Line Out

Music & Nightlife

« Undies! | Is Anyone Safe? »

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

In the OTHER Primary

posted by on January 15 at 11:51 AM

Hey, remember that other party? The one with the guy who wears the special underwear, the philandering multi-divorcee, and that angry dude who wants the war to go on forever? Well, here’s the latest wackiness from the Grand Old Party: Mike Huckabee (you know, the guy who said women should submit graciously to their husbands’ leadership on all matters) now wants to amend the Constitution to put it in line with “God’s standards.” Here’s Cuckoobee:

I have opponents in this race who do not want to change the Constitution. But I believe it’s a lot easier to change the Constitution than it would be to change the word of the living god. And that’s what we need to do — to amend the Constitution so it’s in God’s standards rather than try to change God’s standards so it lines up with some contemporary view.

Republicans, keep it up. You’re doing an awesome job.

RSS icon Comments


Because a theocracy is only bad when we're talking about Islam.

Posted by Annon | January 15, 2008 11:53 AM

I know I keep saying this, but the Republican primary is going to rule so hard.

Posted by Greg | January 15, 2008 12:00 PM

I know people who don't like to change their underwear. So let's amend the Constitution to put it in concordance with stinky shorts.

Why did we send a few more thousand Marines to Afghanistan to get the Taliban? Could have saved a lot of airfare....

Posted by Karlheinz Arschbomber | January 15, 2008 12:08 PM

Theologians get a wild hair up their ass to change what God thinks all the time. What does he mean changing the Constitution is easier?

Posted by elenchos | January 15, 2008 12:12 PM

Wow, he just became scary to me.

Posted by Al | January 15, 2008 12:15 PM

Wow. Seldom are they so blunt about it.

Posted by tsm | January 15, 2008 12:16 PM

Well, to be fair, elenchos, those theologians are only trying to change what THEY think god thinks, which I imagine can get pretty tricky.

As for amending the Constitution, well, it only requires ratification by 2/3 of the states, so I'm guessing Cuckoobee (BTW love that, ECB!) figures that's an easier task than changing the Word-O'-God because he presumably believes god's word is unchangeable.

Or something like that.

It does of course beg the question: "Who's version of god's word would he change it to?" And I take it we'd have to go to the writings of one Mr. Joseph Smith for the answer to that.

Posted by COMTE | January 15, 2008 12:19 PM

I thought all but one of them were philandering multi-divorcees?

And all but one thought evolution was fake.

And that the special underwear guy was the only one that wasn't in those two groups - but then, he has this bad habit of lying about himself 99 percent of the time ...

Wow, really scraping the bottom of the barrel this year on the America-hating Red Bushies side, I guess ...

Posted by Will in Seattle | January 15, 2008 12:20 PM

Huckabee is not the darling of traditional conservatives. Rush Limbaugh, Mark Levin, Bill Kristol, and the other candidates have axes to grind with him for various reasons.

Posted by raindrop | January 15, 2008 12:26 PM

Fiscal conservatives can't stand this silly fuck, evangelicals love him. I'm actually happy that he's doing well, because his success just further fractures the Republican party.

Posted by Hernandez | January 15, 2008 12:29 PM

Huckabee is a fiscally-irresponsible Jimmy Carter. He's the easiest to beat of all the Rs.

Posted by six shooter | January 15, 2008 12:35 PM

"He's the easiest to beat of all the Rs."

Don't count on it.
When it comes to voters, your expectations can never be too low.

Posted by sceptic | January 15, 2008 1:00 PM

@12 nor the expectations for the media

Posted by vooodooo84 | January 15, 2008 1:09 PM

Is he running for President or Pope? I can't tell.

Posted by crazycatguy | January 15, 2008 1:11 PM

Comte, when the Vatican said that little babies go to purgatory, that was not just their personal opinion. That was a fact and they never said anybody was entitled to a different opinion. Now they've changed their minds and that's how it is. When evangelicals thought abortion was OK a century ago, that was not their opinion. It was God's mind transmitted via his unchangeable holy writ. Now God thinks differently and Huckabee does not think God's word is open to debate.

I'm not saying these people are not crazy. I'm just saying that their beliefs are considered absolute facts, and their beliefs can turn on a dime.

Posted by elenchos | January 15, 2008 1:13 PM

It's lines like those that are really going to help McCain land California and New York.

Posted by Gitai | January 15, 2008 1:26 PM

the worse the coming recession gets, the more likely a cornpone fascist like huckabee becomes.

Posted by max solomon | January 15, 2008 1:55 PM

I actually hope Huckabee gets the nomination. Then we face the theocrats head on. Either he will get crushed in the general election, which could mean a huge setback for the political Christian Right, or he wins, in which case we have to accept that America is populated by complete idiots who deserve the end that is coming.

Posted by deathfromabove | January 15, 2008 2:49 PM

@14 - the pope is the one with the bunny hat.

Posted by Will in Seattle | January 15, 2008 2:49 PM

Remember, GW and Carl Rove built their winning campaign on reaching out to evangelical voters. McCain and Bush were neck in neck until McCain started criticizing the Christian Right and Bush started using their language. Huckabee is actually making the policy of their world-view less hypocritical--the exploitative business elite on the right have used the evangelicals trust in republican leadership the strengthen their corporatacracy. Hed still get killed in the general.

Posted by Gabe Global | January 15, 2008 4:08 PM

Well of course, GG, they already opened the money spigots on Wall Street to make sure of that.

Posted by Will in Seattle | January 15, 2008 5:45 PM

@5 just now?

But he does try to be funny, on the marriage page of his web site, he brings up terrorism, asking what is the point of fighting the terrorists if we have decadence (like the Stranger?) at home. DUDE, even if you create a government the Taliban would be proud of, you are worshiping the WRONG GOD, and this inflexibly concerning God means they will still want to kill us as infidels!

Posted by Epimetheus | January 15, 2008 8:04 PM

It will be impossible to get a 2/3 majority in Congress to change the Constitution in this way. So why is Huckabee pledging to do so? He's banking on the stupidity of Christians. He knows they won't think too deeply about the fact that changing the constitution to reflect their myopic values is impossible. By locking up the Jesustard vote, he's guaranteed a hefty chunck of the electorate with no required result. He can propose the ammendments with no hope of them actually going through, and then push the actual Republican agenda without looking like a sellout to the idiots that got him into office. Of course the fact the big corporate christian alliance of evil is backing Guiliani and magic underwear man leads me to believe that I could be wrong about Huckabee, and that could actually be a real lunatic for Christ, and not a Corporate Libertarian pretender. If that's the case, there is no way in hell he gets the nomination. His plane will go down, or he'll meet a lone gunman before the Republicans allow the people to elect him.

Posted by toasterhedgehog | January 15, 2008 9:52 PM

Comments Closed

In order to combat spam, we are no longer accepting comments on this post (or any post more than 14 days old).