Hetero Modesty Is a Guard to Virtue
posted by December 29 at 8:50 AMon
My boyfriend’s one-eyed poodle was in our bed last night. And he just couldn’t stop licking himself—the poodle, not the boyfriend—and making these awful smacking sounds all night long, sounds that drove me out of my own bedroom at three in the morning. So I’d happily contribute to this woman’s legal defense fund:
A 25-year-old woman was arrested for investigation of second-degree assault for getting into an argument with her boyfriend over whether his dog should be in the bathroom while the couple were taking a shower together.
A police report said the 26-year-old man wanted his dog to join them in the bathroom, but the woman objected on Thursday night.
She told him if the dog wouldn’t stay out, she didn’t want to be his girlfriend anymore. He replied that maybe his next girlfriend would appreciate the dog more, and called her a name.
The couple—nude, in the bathroom, and unshowered—commenced to “grappling,” the woman then punched the man in the face repeatedly, and finally threw a framed picture at him, which broke and cut him. The woman’s in jail now, her boyfriend is back on the market, and the dog, unfortunately, is unharmed and remains at large.