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Friday, December 28, 2007

Today in Everything, Ever

posted by on December 28 at 11:39 AM


Mouth eyes photos, qúúl. Toothèd vagina movie, get the hell away from me. Wait, is it “toothéd”? Will the zeroeth tone please stand up?

Whatever! This is clearly the best part of this post.

Don’t you think headlines like “Largest diamond in galaxy predicts future of solar system” are unnecessarily titillating? Meanwhile, Pravda still has one of the best logos I can think of. At this time.

Similary, OOF! Lasers, crystals, servomotors, fashion, modern sun worship. Hussein Chalayan, Spring/Summer 2008. The “Making of”:

The collection video, in collaboration with Nick Knight’s SHOWstudio, and you will hear dissonant Antony beat interference upp-in. The Good Shit starts around 8:03. YOU. BETTA. VENERATE.:

Dagggg. Chalayan is turning it out and proving that we need more brains in fashion, please. Stop this “cute” bullshit. “Cute top!” “Fabulous skirt.” “Nice touch.” Shut up, with your tired, Barbie-playin’, fishtail-makin’, Old Hollywood Glamour-invokin’ ass.

The elusive ʻokina, which is having “transitional problems.”

Speaking of transitional problems, has anyone else noticed the onslaught of in-depth special reports on transsexuals on MSNBC lately? It’s kind of refreshing because none of the reports carry that “They are freaks, but you be the judge” tone that so many transgender docs on other channels have. They totally just follow some transgirls getting ready for and competing in the Latex Ball in New York. Anyway.

Recursive warning sign!

A Bob Mackie-encrusted Diahann Caroll as a singing, psychedelic, holographic fantasy, pleasuring Chewbacca’s Wookiee Pa:


I know you’re searching for me.
Searching, searching…
I’m here. My voice is for you alone.
I am found in your eyes only.
I exist for you. I am in your mind
as you create me.
Ohhh, yes.
I can feel my creation! [Mmhm!]

I find you adorable.
I don’t need to ask how you find me.
You see, I am your fantasy;
I am your experience,
So experience me.
I am your pleasure,
You enjoy me.
This is our moment together in time,
that we might turn this moment into an eternity.

Great! Happy Life Day!



RSS icon Comments



Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | December 28, 2007 11:41 AM

Gods, Life Day. That Christmas Special is the worst one I've ever seen anywhere. I mean, it's mind-blowingly bad. The first 10 minutes or so is in Wookie. With no subtitles.

So, of course, I've got a copy of it sitting on my hard drive. =) It's so bad that every now and then I pull up a bit of it to remind myself how bad it is. It's the sort of show you assume was put together during some drug and alcohol-induced 2 AM meeting of producers. Just absolutely AWFUL.

The Bea Arthur cantina number is probably the highlight, that's how bad it is.

Posted by wench | December 28, 2007 11:46 AM


You are not Charles.

Please remember that.

And reconsider what below the fold means for those of us at work, especially if it's a loooooooooooooooong SLOG post.

Thanks and Happy New Year!

Posted by Will in Seattle | December 28, 2007 11:46 AM

Bea Arthur klezmer jizz!

Posted by Nick | December 28, 2007 11:48 AM

That mean pussy movie is directed by pop artist Roy Lichtenstein's son, Mitchell, who appeared in a gay movie called Streamers a million years ago.

I'm sorry crazy old Andrea Dworkin is dead because that movie would have sent her completely over the edge...the resulting essay would have been a keeper.

Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | December 28, 2007 11:49 AM

What's the matter with you, son? I didn't understand a damned word you just said.

Posted by The General | December 28, 2007 12:00 PM

Good Lord, what a ridiculous waste of bandwidth.

Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty | December 28, 2007 12:48 PM

Please never, EVER post again.

Posted by Amelia | December 28, 2007 12:55 PM

Have you seen Killer Condom? For a Troma film, it's surprisingly poignant.

Also, stop it.

Posted by Dougsf | December 28, 2007 1:04 PM

whqat is thqst &* whqy is it on qheqre?

to quote dina martina:


Posted by michael strangeways | December 28, 2007 1:24 PM
Posted by NaFun | December 28, 2007 1:27 PM

The jizz-box was an instrument commonly used in jizz songs.

Posted by Paulus | December 28, 2007 1:27 PM

Take your meds and stop posting so much random shit at once.

Posted by Greg | December 28, 2007 1:42 PM


Posted by Nick | December 28, 2007 1:46 PM

every year i get comfortably drunk and attempt to watch the holiday special in its entirety. every year i end up fast forwarding through most of it except for bea arthur singing in the cantina, the stormtrooper ripping off the head of chewie's kid's stuffed bantha, and carrie fisher (clearly on something) singing at the end. actually, the 1978 commercials are the best part.

Posted by madamecrow | December 28, 2007 2:53 PM

Dude, you gotta remember: first you post on Slog, THEN you take the bong hits. It's better for everyone this way.

Posted by Jessica | December 28, 2007 6:25 PM

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