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Friday, August 31, 2007

Pee Like a Man, Dammit!

posted by on August 31 at 10:10 AM

Are you one of those pesky females? Did God leave you empty handed in the penis department? Do you long for a handy hose, instead of that unruly hole? Do you wish you could cruise a urinal as effortlessly as a Republican Senator? Are you tired of sitting down in general?

Well, ma’am, today is your lucky, lucky day!

Ladies, women and other girly-type things, I give you…THE MAGIC CONE.


Please to be enjoying a full demonstration of the Magic Cone, here!

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I recall seeing a similar device about five or six years ago - developed by some European company I believe to make it possible for women to use urinals in Men's rooms or presumably those in unisex restrooms.

Although the idea of suddenly finding yourself standing next to a woman in a line of Men's urinal stalls might be a little off-putting for the average guy, I suppose it's just another one of those things we'd learn to get used to.

Just remember ladies: it's considered impolite to peek over the top of the divider!

Posted by COMTE | August 31, 2007 10:24 AM

And wipe from front to back!

Posted by Mr. Poe | August 31, 2007 10:32 AM

for years i've been telling mrs. solomon it IS possible for girls to pee standing up - they're just not TRYING HARD ENOUGH.

i am so vindicated.

Posted by maxsolomon | August 31, 2007 10:34 AM

Similar (not-disposable) devices have been around for a while. The main use I know of for them is for rock climbers to pee in a bottle without taking your harness off, such as would be required to do a "big wall" where you sleep on the side of the cliff. or in alpine situations so you don't have to hang your bare ass out into freezing temperatures, or, hell, even leave the tent. see "Lady J."

Posted by clausti | August 31, 2007 10:54 AM

That doesn't look great for the environment and I will have nothing to do with a reusable "Magic Cone."

Posted by keshmeshi | August 31, 2007 11:01 AM

Real women don't need no stinkin' device!

Posted by JC | August 31, 2007 11:08 AM

I seem to recall a scene from the movie "The Full Monty" in which it was demonstrated that a woman can pee quite satisfactorily into a urinal while standing up without using an external attachment.

Posted by QuimbyMcF | August 31, 2007 11:10 AM

Can't you do the same thing with a snow cone cup??

Posted by ws | August 31, 2007 11:13 AM

I made one of those with a mountain dew bottle in college. Same diff. A magazine cover can also do in a pinch. I mean, in a fold.

Posted by Ariel Dumas | August 31, 2007 11:26 AM

Damn, the one thing you'd think was ours..
@6 I swear, every woman should be aware of that..

Posted by arandomdude | August 31, 2007 11:31 AM

@ 6:

THAT is exactly what i was trying to get mrs. solomon to try! stop being so squeamish, ladies.

Posted by maxsolomon | August 31, 2007 11:49 AM

There's a reuseable thing like this called the P-Style it comes in different patterns and colors. The downside? You have to carry a pee covered thing around with you.

Posted by lauren | August 31, 2007 12:04 PM

I knew a gal who could pee 60 feet or further with no trouble at all. Just a little finger pressure in the right spot. Didn't even get her hands wet.

Posted by Fnarf | August 31, 2007 12:08 PM

Adrian - this is the most stupid post ever sent to Slog
Not interest in how anyone pees - just make sure you pee a lot - good for you - keeps the kidneys flushed, drink a lot of just plain water, not coffee, not soda

You too - Missy A, you seem to need a lot of flushing lately

Posted by Harold | August 31, 2007 12:11 PM

A woman who can pee 60 feet or further? That might qualify as a superpower.

Posted by JC | August 31, 2007 12:20 PM

I read a guide to peeing while standing up (for females) in some random DIY-themed zine awhile ago. It recommends practicing in the shower and does not involve any kind of magic cone... just good ol angles and pressure! I desperately want to learn.

Posted by Katelyn | August 31, 2007 12:23 PM

But isn't ever cone magic?

Posted by Boomer in NYC | August 31, 2007 12:28 PM

Someone's been inventing a woman-can-pee-like-a-man device every year for the past 40 years. They never catch on -- I personally feel oppressed by the patriarchy in all its manifestations, not by peeing sitting down.

@5: I've never used a douche, but when I first heard of "disposable douches" I was disgusted, as I'd assumed all douches would be. (My mother later explained they just meant the bottle. But still.)

Posted by S | August 31, 2007 12:28 PM

practicing in the shower is good, but it's hard to prepare for the last dribble thing no matter how much shower practice time you've got. it seems skirts are the way to go.

i have some rather hazy and drunken memories of using the urinal in the re-bar at pho bang without any magical devices.

Posted by erin | August 31, 2007 1:09 PM

What I especially enjoyed was the "replay" option at the end. I mean, who wouldn't wanna watch it twice?

Posted by Jason Josephes | August 31, 2007 1:16 PM

Solidarity, ladies. I often enjoy a home-stlye sit-down pee.

Posted by Lloyd Clydesdale | August 31, 2007 4:10 PM

I wish I were a girl so I could learn to pee standing up all over again, but with a vagina.

Posted by Jude Fawley | August 31, 2007 5:14 PM

It never fails to amaze me how many people find the whole concept of a woman peeing standing up as somehow bizarre or threatening. A woman can pee standing up the same way a guy can - by using her hands to direct the stream. It's not that much more difficult than it is for a really small boy, with a really small hose.

I used one of the pee director thingies for years when I was backpacking, rock-climbing, x-c skiing and kayaking. It was asinine and sometimes dangerous to have to take all your gear off just to pee. I did learn to do it without excessive dribbling or any appliances, but it takes practice. And you do have to use your hands, or else you're going to do like a drunken guy, and piss all over your feet.

Posted by Geni | September 4, 2007 5:49 PM

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