Arts Robots in Disguise
posted by on July 4 at 14:00 PM
I went back and forth about whether or not I should post this, but it has been haunting me (much as it haunted Megan Seling on Line Out) and so to Slog I go on Independence Day.
I went to see the Transformers movie at Cinerama on opening night. I was curious. I don’t know why, I just was. I never liked Transformers as a kid (even 9-year-olds can tell when they’re being cheated), and am not interested in cars or airplanes as an adult. I do like robots from outer space though, particularly when they’re trying to take over the urf. Anyway, I left after about an hour because if I want to see retarded Republican-scented fascism porn, I can just read the Drudge Report or whatever (the biggest cheer in the first hour was for the screen credit “in association with HASBRO”). Seriously, I have never seen such un-human corporate bullshit masquerading as entertainment. Even the magical outer space robot car fights are lame.
HOWEVER, it was what I saw before the film that sticks with me: In a packed house full of excited people playing (networked) video games and working on laptops and talking on cell phones while doing both of the above while waiting for the film to start, I was taken aback by the guy in front of me, an adult, who was carrying (along with a Transformers action figure), a legal document certifying that his middle name had been changed from “Michael” to “Megatron.” He showed it to his (attractive) date, other people from other aisles, and (inadvertently) me. He was obviously proud and it obviously meant a lot to him, or he wouldn’t have gone to all that bother. And, again obviously, what better time to flaunt such full-blooded identification with a toy and the decision it inspired? But, having never had any connection to these toys (and always having resented the way they stole quality cartoon time away from the stuff I did like) I found it sort of troubling, like those people who used to get bar code tattoos in the ’90s, only way more severe. Still, his body, his choice.
Then the movie came on and I just felt really bad for the guy. Dude, you changed your name for THIS?
Megadouche...
Most of the people at the movie probably weren't even alive when that lame cartoon and stupid toys were so popular.
Oh...and the "Go-bots" were first.
I always loved the cartoons, especially the Beast Wars series that came out when I was in Jr. High. I had the original die cast optimus prime, but lost it long ago.
Yeah, the propaganda was thick as molasses, the love story was moronic and distracted from my fantasizing about Shia Lebouf naked with his ankles on my shoulders, and Jon Voight was an idiot and a bad actor, but I still enjoyed the movie. Does that make me a bad person?
Nelson! That Hasbro thing has me peeved! I hate corporate bullsit as much as the next guy but we can't say corproate Jap[an hasn't done some wonderful things for us. Take Mego toys for example.
They need to drop a shout out to Mego Toys and Microman and not Hasbro. Here's why...
Seriously, everyone who reads this, go youtube microman and acroyear, then listen to the music backdropping the comercial. It is better than any Transformer movie could possibly be. And that movie looks amazing, I think.
MI-CRU-No-MAAAAANNNNN!!!!
Perhaps the best part is he got other people to pay for it.
The movie sucked? wow shocking. And it had a bunch of product placements & big corp tie-ins? No fucking way? Seriously folks, what do you expect?
People, people - this is a Michael fucking [b][i]BAY[/b][/i] movie; off course it's a shit-filled Twinkie - what do you expect?
I liked GI Joe figures...Maybe Ill change my name to Snake Eyes...
I loved the movie, I thought it kicked ass. But then again I loved the cartoon. I loved the throw-back lines to the cartoon:
"You failed me again Starscream..."
LOLZ! Seriously, I thought the product placement was fairly mild. I went in thinking I was going to hate it, but damn it truly blew me away. I am going to definitely see it again. And, come on! you had to stay to see the Autobots come out and start kicking ass. You left too early. ;)
Poor Sean - he's simply too sophisticated for the entertainment of the masses. I'm sure he sniffed all the way home and settled down with some appropriately obscure and complex book or record he pretends to enjoy only so that people don't think he's a rube.
How could you people not like this movie? Oh yeah, cause there was no horse fukkin.
I also enjoyed it but I didn't go in expecting to see something thought provoking and intelligent. I just hope that the dinobots are in the sequel! "ME GRIMLOCK, KICK BUTT!"
Yeah, I've seen and hated many a product placement filled POS, but this movie, for all of its flaws (most notably the flower garden scene that was 3x as long as it should have been), was one of the best popcorn flicks I have ever seen. And I say this a child of the 80s who had the Transformers Who's Who book memorized: I loved those robots and cartoons and storylines, and since we were too poor to afford the damn things, my love for it was purely based on the concepts.
One of the best summer movies in years. Most of the reviews I've read seem to be focused too much on their own agendas (anti-corporate, "product placement is bad", "merchandising motivations corrupt the movie irredeemably", etc) rather than enjoying a movie that channeled tons of 80s joy ("One shall stand; one shall fall").
My God. Fantastic Four II was 10x worse on product placement alone; let's hate on that for awhile instead of harshing on an 80s-IP-concept-turned-movie that actually got it right for a change.
I loved Transformers when I was a little kid, and I was excited when I read that a new film version would be produced, though my expectations lowered significantly when I learned that epilepsy-inducing Michael Bay was directing it. Then the early reviews came in and proclaimed it better than expected. Eeep, they were so wrong.
Shia LaBouf did a decent job with what he had; he basically was the lead in the film after all. But seriously, having been a teenage boy myself, I know they can’t all be so dumb and horny. The first third of the film, the alleged “character development,” was just painful.
The most disturbing part of the film was the portrayal of the US Government. We first meet Josh Duhamel and his Army team in Qatar, presumably just returned from our conquest and occupation of Iraq. Was this supposed to be a parallel with the Decepticons invasion of Earth? Then there’s Jon Voight doing a pitch perfect Southern Asshole Secretary of Defense, which caused me to giggle quite a bit ‘cause I couldn’t stop thinking about Midnight Cowboy. Even our moron Fuhrer, Bush II, makes a cameo and mindlessly orders Ding Dongs from a flight attendant during a crisis.
The Pentagon comes off as a dark and sinister place with charcoal colored walls and personality free FBI drones and secret agents that twice kidnap people out of their homes and threaten to disappear our heroes down a legal black hole prison with no charges or trial. And by the way, the government has been lying to us everyday for the last 80 years. This begs the ultimate question:
Who are we supposed to root for - the robots or the neo-fascist humans? Neither? Both?
The Special FX were incredible and set a new standard for CGI/live action integration, though the fight scenes were twice as long as they should have been, and how the hell did they end up in downtown LA? It makes me long for what could have been in the hands of a talented director and screenwriter.
I also walked out about half way into it. One of the worst pieces of shit ever.
I also walked out about half way into it. One of the worst pieces of shit ever.
Did no one catch on that the government humans WERE the bad guys? That the movie was openly mocking George Bush? Sean, product placement does not fascism make. Seriously, lighten up a bit.
switzerblog @ 16,
Uh yeah, see my post right above yours @ 13.
Question: Was it an intentionally dark yet accurate portrayal of the inept fascist US Guvmit, or just random Michael Bay hackery?
I've seen it twice in the last 48 hours- first at the same Cinerama show as Sean, then yesterday w/ my wife and kids. I never got into Transformers as a kid- Voltron seemed waaaaay more badass.
Different movies work on different levels. As far as mindless, fun, escapist summer entertainment, Transformers works better than "Independence Day", or "Lost in Space" or any of the other recent summer SF movies. It's aimed at the perpetual adolescent in the same way that "Superman" and "The Road Warrior" were.I would place it over any of the recent "Star Wars" trilogy, which aim at the same audience but fail.
My six year old loved it. If you don't want to see movies aimed at six year olds, don't go see movies aimed at six year olds.
The best movie about a robot from space is Iron Giant.
Great work, keep it up.....
Comments Closed
In order to combat spam, we are no longer accepting comments on this post (or any post more than 14 days old).