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Friday, April 13, 2007

Last Night I Had the Strangest Dream…

posted by on April 13 at 12:20 PM

…and it featured a whole bunch of gongs.


Thanks to everybody who came out last night to the Crocodile for the first-ever Stranger Gong Show, which was an effin’ blast. Extra-special thanks tinged with non-denominational worship for every single one of our brave and generous contestants—from the filthy-joke-spewing Easter Bunny to the unjustly gonged chicken-themed performance artist and everyone in-between—without whom the night never could’ve been what it was: a tornado of wonderfully talented freaks.

Among the surprises: the ferocity of the judges (who gonged a good half of the acts), the corresponding ferocity of the audience (who seemed to be taking their cues from Showtime at the Apollo), and the eternal surprise instigated by the question, “Do you have a talent you’d like to share?”

Among the highlights (for me, at least): the insane and largely indescribable Doors-themed performance poem of the grand-prize-winning Lizard Queens, the jaw-dropping riding-a-unicycle-on-a-tightwire-while-making-balloon-animals skills of Alooishus Von Bootcrack, and, my personal favorite, the young Ms. Patricia Douglas, who channeled the spirit of the original Gong Show’s legendary Gene Gene the Dancing Machine by kicking off her shoes and doing a full-on, this-is-how-I-dance-when-I’m-alone-in-my-bedroom blowout to Sheila E’s “The Glamorous Life.”

Ultimate highlight: The aforementioned ferocious passion displayed by both judges and audience, which created a vibe wisely identified by Stranger Gong Show mastermind Caroline Dodge as “totally un-Seattle.” It’s true: the points-for-trying condescension frequently displayed by Seattle audiences was nowhere to be found, or at least it was easily shouted down. And the passion ran in all directions: Yeah, lame acts were promptly gonged, but mind-blowing acts were treated to the type on long, hard, lusty screaming applause typically reserved for stadium rock stars. It was delightful, thanks again to all who came, and I imagine we’ll be doing this again sometime. We’ll keep you posted.

P.S. In case you haven’t already heard, Fnarf wore a suit and put quarters up his nose. It was entrancing.


Photos by Kelly O.

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Patricia Douglas for President!

Or at least Ministress of Good Times.

ps my head hurts

Posted by Explorer | April 13, 2007 12:26 PM


Posted by infrequent | April 13, 2007 12:31 PM

Yeah it was fucking awesome.

You need to do it every month.

Posted by Andrew | April 13, 2007 12:40 PM

patricia douglas is my hero.

caroline dodge deserves mad props (as the kids never say anymore). she did a tremendous job wrangling contestants, organizing the event, and making sure that we judges were suitably wasted.

and, schmader killed it. truly, the host with the most.

Posted by kerri harrop | April 13, 2007 12:41 PM

Fnarf is a real person?

Posted by Joe | April 13, 2007 12:49 PM

Joe @ 5: Yes. And he has very limber nostrils.

Posted by David Schmader | April 13, 2007 12:52 PM

Patricia Douglas was fucking HOT. She was a bomb going off. I have aspired to that dance my entire life, but I never saw it achieved until last night.

Joe, what exactly do you mean by "real"?

Posted by Fnarf | April 13, 2007 12:55 PM

That was a complete and total blast!!! It was everything I expected and much much more!! I don't know if I could wait if it was annual, but I will definitely be there the next time you have one. Please post video so that I can relive the awesomeness!!!

Posted by Scottie | April 13, 2007 1:05 PM

My personal favorites were the Easter Bunny, the chicken-themed act, and of course the cute-as-pie-unashamed-but-still-a-little-shy, Patricia Douglas. Yay for David Schmader! Yay for the judges! Boo for unjust gongings! Perhaps as was mentioned for the next gong show, less emphasis on drinking as the primary role for the judges ;)

Posted by Angela | April 13, 2007 1:10 PM

patricia forever. hugging her and buying her an amaretto on the rocks str probably the best things i've ever done in this life.

Posted by angela garbes | April 13, 2007 1:21 PM

Fnarf, nice suit. One can only surmise that your act was part and parcel of ruining many a competitor's liver/next day ala drinking game.

Posted by Lloyd Clydesdale | April 13, 2007 1:23 PM

though waiting for some of the "talented contestants" to be GONGed was often painful, it was more than redeemed by the opportunity to shout loudly, marvel at Fnarf's dapper suit and expansive nostrils, and to stand in awe of Patricia Douglas's transcendental dance moves.

Posted by josh | April 13, 2007 1:39 PM

I went to bed last night, though, still disappointed and upset that we never got to see the end of the weird bird lady in yellow lycra tights finish her act. Something about her dance (albeit totally perverse and bizarre) appealed to me on the deepest of levels. I was completely captivated (and repulsed) by her. But in a good way. Wow. She was incredible.

Posted by Babe Winkleman | April 13, 2007 1:50 PM

Loved the show, loved the whole thing. I thought the Easter Bunny got robbed big time, but that's okay.

I also liked the weird jug band in all their Amish glory suddenly break out in the "Milkshake" song, which of course, totally saved their act in the best way.

I think either yearly or quarterly is a good idea.

Posted by hooray | April 13, 2007 1:59 PM

Do it again please! It was super dooper fun! Patricia was fabulous! The jug band sucked until they broke out into the Milkshake song (can you imagine if they also rocked, My Humps?!) My favorite was the Lizard Queens (MOTHER!) and I was sort of partial to the dude in the purple disco cowboy hat.

Do it again please!

Posted by Suz | April 13, 2007 2:13 PM

Fnarf put coins in his nose. Wow. Did he light his farts? No question, this sets the Stranger apart from the Weekly.

Posted by Just turned 23 | April 13, 2007 2:29 PM

Because I like to share, he's a link to a video of the tricicle/tightrope/kazoo/balloon animal/cymbols guy. I did not get him deep throating the balloon though.

Paste this into quicktime:

You can thank me later.

Posted by Matt | April 13, 2007 2:32 PM

#17 - I got video of the deep throat! I'm editing as fast as I can.... coming soon, I swear

Posted by KELLY O | April 13, 2007 2:35 PM

@ Kelly O:

"I got video of the deep throat! I'm editing as fast as I can.... coming soon, I swear"

That's your new MySpace headline, yah? Yah.

Posted by Matt | April 13, 2007 2:40 PM

Yes, Fnarf is real, and not only is he a fucking know-it-all, he's also disgusting.

Posted by Samson | April 13, 2007 2:41 PM

please, powers that be, make this happen monthly. charge a few bucks if that's what it'll take. i've been looking for a good new place to scream obscenities in public. department stores and churches lose their luster after a while.

Posted by Lena (or | April 13, 2007 2:44 PM

"Fnarf put coins in his nose. Wow. Did he light his farts? No question, this sets the Stranger apart from the Weekly."

The Weekly has frat boys, the Stranger has geeks.

Posted by Mav | April 13, 2007 2:49 PM

1) Agreed on the general enthusiasm I've encountered today on this becoming a regular event. Until we run out of talented/talentless neighbors willing to get up there and entertain us drunks, we deserve the gong for not parlaying any momentum from last night's gong show into the coolest night of the month for the rest of '07.

2) Am I alone in my "Why the balls didn't the Easter Bunny win" outrage? All due respect to the winners, they were tits, too, but EB had the entire place in stitches from beginning to end.

3) I took Fnarf's picture and confirm his existence.

Posted by Nick | April 13, 2007 2:52 PM

Re: the robbing of the Easter Bunny: It's hard to believe, but a certain judge who runs a certain performance center which won a certain alternative newsweekly's genius award this year gave the amazing bunny a mere 5 points.

This judge also cut short the lady chicken act, who I hereby invite back to the next Gong Show, whenever it may be. I NEED to see how that act ends...

Posted by David Schmader | April 13, 2007 2:55 PM

Schmader: I'm so with you. Chicken Lady segued from Chinese opera into burlesque into comdey into non-shitty performance art into sci-fi into: ? WE'LL NEVER FUCKING KNOW.

She is on the cover of next week's Stranger, isn't she?

Posted by Matt | April 13, 2007 2:59 PM

Yah - the sunglasses at night were good, and surly is always funny, but that guy was drinking the haterade! Next time you get the judges drunk, before the show, don't do it with Mad Dog 2020. That shit always makes me an angry drunk, too.

Posted by Callie | April 13, 2007 3:00 PM

Is Fnarf toothless? That would explain a lot.

Posted by DOUG. | April 13, 2007 3:19 PM

I have teeth but they are short and dark. And my lips are long and curl over them like blankets.

Posted by Fnarf | April 13, 2007 3:34 PM

Highlights of the night for me:

watching my super shy, mouse-like friend squeeze her eyes shut, clench her fists and roar out profanities to strangers.

quizzing bucketloads of folks if they knew who originally started the gong show. (only two strangers knew.)

hearing someone shout out at the chicken-bloody-tampon performance act to go back to cornish.

and someone looking over at me to declare that i looked really familiar and then ask if we were related. heh.

Posted by Ex-Intern | April 13, 2007 4:43 PM

#29- I really regret heckling chicken girl! She turned from terrible to amazing (although I thought my heckle was clever indeed).

Posted by Ari Spool | April 13, 2007 4:47 PM

So there I was, on stage, having a great time singing a nice scottish song. All the while I can hear some incessant noise from the judges listening to themselves talk while I'm singing. Whatever, I do the hopvine open mic alot, but those jerks don't have mics. So I'm winding through and get the gong ON THE LAST F@$#ING LINE OF THE SONG!

I felt good blinding the judges/audience/etc with my pale white ass. I told David S. that was gonna happen if they gonged me, and he agreed that it was the right choice.

I didn't feel bitter much then until a bunch of "less impressive" acts lasted just as long and didn't get the gong.

It's funny, I was defending the judges to my friends all day, saying they were kinda seattle celebs. My opinion has now changed and I will sum the experience up like this:

I was robbed you F#$^ing hacks! Most of the audience agreed with me on that point. So kiss my lemony-fresh red haired celtic ass!

Great event tho, see you next time!

Posted by Brennan | April 13, 2007 4:47 PM

#31, i liked your song and tried to fight off the gonger. i also totally agree that chicken lady was unjustly gonged (lane!) and the easter bunny deserved the 10 i gave him, and more.

bunny was robbed, for sure.

Posted by kerri harrop | April 13, 2007 5:25 PM

P.S. In case you havenít already heard, Fnarf wore a suit and put quarters up his nose. It was entrancing.

fwiw: everything by or about fnarf or his nose is entrancing!?!

so say we fnarf acolytes, devotee's and faithful spawn!!

Posted by hipsterlite | April 14, 2007 3:36 PM

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