City Metro Mystery of the Day
posted by February 28 at 11:50 AMon
The following report was just sent to I, Anonymous:
Some douchebag high-school kid is scratching a word into the window on the Metro. A nice woman asks him to stop. He insults her. I tell him to knock it off or have the transit police take him off. He calls me a faggot. Several times - I guess he likes that word. I don’t. I tell him he won’t be so brave when he’s getting ass-raped in juvi. The homo-hating cheesedick tries to run off the bus. I grab him and tell him we’re waiting for the cops. He punches me, I throw him to the sidewalk and put him in a nice choke-hold. I don’t break his hate-spewing face because I use every ounce of restraint I can possibly muster. That, and the soon-to-be ass-raping seems more poetic. YOU get off the bus and tell ME I shouldn’t have insulted HIM? YOU and your legion of spineless seawaste are the reason Metro is overun with punks. Next time just sit there, pray to whatever titantic pussy you worship, and let the rest of us defend what decency is left on the Metro. To everyone who clapped for me, thank you.
To quote the Bible: What the fuck? I simply don’t know who I’m supposed to root for* in this situation. Clearly, the high-school douchebag is in the wrong for defacing Metro property, insulting a nice woman, and repeatedly calling Anonymous a faggot. His punch came in reponse to being grabbed by the guy who’d just taunted him with “ass-raping in juvi.” Then comes the throw to the sidewalk and the choke-hold and I don’t know if this is a case of a fearless citizen striking a blow for common courtesy or an excessively angry person who found a worthy pinata to bang. Probably both.
* It’s nothing really, but the grammatically preferable version of this phrase is “for whom I’m supposed to root,” which is the most hilarious collection of words I’ve encountered since “Academy Award-winning screenwriter Ben Affleck.”