here here

I dunno, I'm pretty happy with my pink & red oversized pencil. Although, I'm not exactly sure how you're supposed to sharpen it if the sharpener is attached to the eraser.

Everyone who hates Valentine's Day hates it for the exact same reason.

What's with the "fuck this, fuck that" business? Eli, you're way too smart to try that cynical hipster shit. Don't go there even if all you're Stranger pals like to wear it like their favorite black jeans. Go back and read Jitterbug Perfume and remember the message: lighten up!

I concur

Here's my first draft, the one Mark and others above were talking about:

Good Morning

And may I be the first to say: Fuck Valentines Day.

What's up with all the anti-anti-Valentine's Day crap?? If everybody who is gloriously happy and coupled today has a right to feel that way (and express it for free in the Stranger!), then why can't the rest of the haters and I express our opinions also?

And why does hating Valentine's Day make Eli a cynical hipster? Crazy old hags with cats and social rejects who can't get laid have been hating V-Day since before the concept of snarky Capitol Hipsters existed!

Message to Mark: You lighten up too, friend.

I'm sooooo indifferent to Valentine's Day. I'm single but it doesn't make me feel sad. I'm happy for all my attached friends getting flowers and being taken to dinner. I don't feel like my nose is being rubbed in anything.

as long as we get an equal opportunuty "fuck president's day" post on monday, I'm happy.

I would just like to say forget Valentine's Day: Happy 65th Birthday, mom!

Eli, can I buy you something red and plastic to make you feel better?

I'm really not despondent, I just find Valentines Day, and all the angst it produces, to be somewhat annoying.

But sure, red and plastic things may be sent to:

Eli Sanders c/o The Stranger 1535 11th Ave 3rd Floor Seattle, WA 98122

Just for today, I heart Eli.

Eli, I less-than-three you too.