A Truce with the Toothy
posted by on January 5 at 17:05 PM
In this week’s Freedom Writers review, I seem to have struck a nerve with the [flippant, throwaway, obviously ridiculous] phrase:
Hilary Swank sucks. She is homely and her teeth are enormous.
Apparently, a large number of Stranger readers not only looove to gaze upon H-Swank (UGGO, I say!), but also identify as Big-Toothed and Proud.
Listen. I really have nothing against a humongous toothy grin. My teeth are large-ish, plus sometimes when I get real happy I show far too much gum. Who cares? (Annie Wagner also brings up the excellent point of too-tiny teeth, on which I will say nothing.)
My issue with H-Swank has much more to do with that spine-baring number from the 2005 Oscars, which reminded me, irrationally but irreparably, of a certain alien queen.
And for that, I will cry UGGO till the end of my days. But as far as tooth size goes, for every H-Swank and Amanda Peet and Hil Duff (hate hate hate), there’s a Peter Gallagher and a Shelley Duvall (love love love).
So sorry, or something. God.
[And by the way, Toothed Avengers, where were you when I was making fun of Piper Perabo’s cavernous maw?]
Why are you dismissing the tooth issue when you're the one who brought it up?
doesn't toothsome mean tasty rather than having big teeth?
Totally with you on Hilary Swank and Amanda Peet, but lost you on Piper Perabo. A big cocksucker mouth is sweet, but those big chompers can cause some major shrivilege. The Swank/Perabo dichotomy must be due to what I think they'd be most inclined to employ (mmmmmmm Ms. Perabo).
Dzienkowski:
Good point. I'll change that.
I'm guessing Amanda Peet and Hilary Swank are 10 times as hot as either of you, DWB and Lindsey. Please post a pic to prove me wrong.
Her teeth are not only enormous -- they are GINORMOUS (which is clearly 10 billion times larger).
How could you leave out Nancy Kerrigan? What a horse mouth.
So where's your picture? Josh, Erica, Dan and Tim have been featured in the local media many times. Give us a mug shot and we'll judge who's prettier--Hillary or you.
Random person I've never seen wins in this battle of the beauties.
It was less about statement itself and more the fact that the review? Told us nothing.
What's up with the beauty contest? One can call someone else's teeth big even if that same person has bigger teeth. We don't need a picture. She didn't say, "I'm prettier than Hil." THere is nothing to evauate.
What's up with the beauty contest? One can call someone else's teeth big even if that same person has bigger teeth. We don't need a picture. She didn't say, "I'm prettier than Hil." THere is nothing to evaluate.
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