??!! Letter of the Day
posted by December 12 at 13:48 PM
onThis letter came in via e-mail to editor@. It was sent through an anonymizer, and it’s unsigned, so there’s no way to know if it’s actually from someone inside Starbucks.
OPEN LETTER TO PHIL FISCHER: Although I cannot reveal my name, I am one of the Starbucks executives you were trying to reach with your advertisement in last week’s Stranger [Dec 7, Page 40]. The good news is that your ad worked… to the extent that three senior Starbucks executives talked about you for an hour at last Friday’s meeting.The bad news is, well, frankly they were laughing at you the whole time. In fact, some are still thinking it must be a joke. Not me: I’ve been in the industry almost 20 years, and I can spot a misguided Christian rocker from the opposite shore of the red sea.
My point is not to humiliate you. You did that yourself with your public kissing of our corporate butts, with a picture of your mulletness standing by your vanity-plated Hummer.
My point is to challenge the progressive readers of The Stranger to stop laughing at people with your addiction to myth.If the last six years have taught us anything, it is that Jesus freaks are not harmless—They are delusional, and dangerous.
We gave up Zeus. We stopped sacrificing virgins. We don’t think the world is flat, and we laugh at Scientologists. Well, Christians are no less embarrassing, and deserve no more respect than the blind followers of any blatant mythological dogma.
Your delusion goes far beyond your hopes for a deal with Starbucks. Your belief perpetuates dangerous behaviors (like flying planes into skyscrapers, or dropping bombs on countries for no apparent logical reason). You need help, and I’m urging the enlightened public to start giving it to you, because the stakes are too high.
As an executive, I am gagged by a corporate policy that strictly prohibits offending anyone; everyone is a potential consumer to be exploited.
But as an individual, I have a responsibility to raise humanity higher for my children and for the future of this planet. This Christmas, remember why you no longer believe in Santa, and consider the same for Jesus. And while you’re at it, lose the Hummer.
Anonymous
Comments
amen!
What was the ad?
Best letter ever.
And yeah, I kinda wish there were an online version of that ad. He certainly doesn't deserve any further publicity than he paid for, but he does deserve to be ridiculed far and wide across the internets.
But philfischer.com will give you the general idea.
This guy is a toolbag and he believes his own shit smells like candy cane incense.
Best letter ever.
Remember Phil's last "outburst" when he was trying to sell one of Kurt Cobain's amplifiers? He and Kurt used to hang out "under the bridge."
I just looked in our office copy of last oeweek's Stranger, and it skips from page 36 to 51, and doesn't look like anything was taken out of the paper. What's going on here? Who is that letter talking about? And, why did they send it to YOU (the Stranger) and not whoever took out the ad?
Sweet. Now post a link to the ad.
Hey, but he's sold out in India!!!!
I don't know what his beef is with S'bucks, but I can see why they wouldn't play his music, if that's what he's whining about. Talk about derivative of posers of early 90's moan bands. Yuck.
Saving Souls through Music. Give me a fucking break.
He claims, on his web site, that his 2004 release "Wounded Soul" sold 800,000 copies.
...there's no way in hell.
Go to www.philfischer.com and at the bottom left click on "starbucks help" (in red print) and it will take you inside and show the contents of the ad.
"Writing christian songs is easy. You just take popular love songs and change 'baby' to 'jesus'." -Cartman
He claims the sales are in Argentina and India. It's possible. It doesn't explain anything, but it's possible.
The custom-plate Hummer, on the other hand, explains a lot.
well can't blame the whore for trying to sell himself to on of the biggest johns in the area.
http://www.philfischer.com/catalog/popup_image.php?pID=29'
Nice flock!
There is no way he sold that many copies. Period. Try doing a google search, all you find are "self-generated" articles and "unauthorized biographies" on him and they all appear to be written by the same source.
If 500,000 people bought his CD how come there are so few google hits on him?
This guy is a con artist.
If this email is really from a Starbucks Exec, the power of the letter is diminished somewhat by hypocracy...
"As an executive, I am gagged by a corporate policy that strictly prohibits offending anyone; everyone is a potential consumer to be exploited.
But as an individual, I have a responsibility to raise humanity higher for my children and for the future of this planet. This Christmas, remember why you no longer believe in Santa, and consider the same for Jesus. And while you’re at it, lose the Hummer."
You, Starbucks Exec, are a total hypocrite. You make huge amounts of money of each "potential consumer to be exploited" but then claim that that is just your day job. In your free time you "have a responsibility to raise humanity higher."
I am really curious what this person is doing to raise humanity higher, besides writing anonymous emails and "urging the enlightened public to start giving ["help"] to Christians." (what does that mean?)
Maybe this Exec should try promoting 100% fair-trade, organic coffee at Starbucks or coming up with ways to decrease the amount of paper and plastic waste Starbucks produces?
I don't know the whole story, but from the info in this email the writer appears to be a rich, self-absorbed hypocrite.
(The music guy sounds like a dope too, but probably harmless)
What if it's a Hybrid Hummer?
More like letter of the year!
Man, I've worked with this douchebag before. Rest assured he is a lying, delusional sack of shit.
Also, the Biodiesel stickers on the Hummer are a ruse. He just thinks they'll keep people from fucking with it. So if you see the "SONGWTR" hummer, key away!
The Phil Fischer I knew was a fabulously flamboyant interior decorator for Mutual of Omaha back in the 60's. I worked in a dining room he decorated: Mirrors on the ceiling, big foufy chandeliers, fake plastic philodendrens, gold and turquoise chairs, and oodles of paintings of greek ruins, Venitian canals, etc - all of which he painted himself.
Gay as the day is long, of course. Rest in Peace, Phil.
Oh Catalina! A decorator for Mutual of Omaha! Honey, your post is truly poetry. Thanks for making my morning.
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