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Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Does Ken Mehlman Have Blue Balls?

posted by on November 14 at 10:08 AM

mehlman.jpg

The long-rumored-to-be-gay, and recently-outed-live-on-CNN head of the Republican National Committee is stepping down. After the thumping the GOP took last week, what other choice did Ken “Adapt to Win” Mehlman have? A friend thinks something else might have forced Mehlman to step down: Ken’s aching balls.

After reading your Code of the Callboy piece in the NYT, I can’t help but wonder about the real reason for Ken Mehlman’s resignation. If he is gay—and it seems pretty clear that he is—then he is too well known, and too Republican, to have an active sex life. In all likelihood, he has been forced to remain celibate during his two years at the apex of the Republican Party lest he suffer the same long fall from heterosexual grace that destroyed Ted Haggard.

I mean, if you fucked Ken Mehlman wouldn’t you be tempted to out him for his breathtaking hypocrisy? Of course you would, and he is smart and disciplined enough to know that. So did Ken Mehlman give up his job as chairman of the Republican National Committee so he could get laid? Just asking.

Hm… it’s an interesting question, but there’s only one person who knows the answer: Ken Mehlman. And I don’t think he’s giving interviews to the likes of me—or to anyone else at the moment. And while I would certainly have exposed Ken if he had made the mistake of sleeping with me (and that would be the only reason I’d ever sleep with Ken), I’m pretty sure Ken would not fuck around with me. Nor would he need to. There are, as the religious right is discovering to its consternation, a hell of a lot of homos in the GOP—and not just Log Cabin types willing to wear “Kick Me!” signs on their backs at GOP conventions.

Nope, there are tons of homos like Ken in the GOP—closeted homos, in positions of power, positions they hold so long as they remain closeted. Ken can, and probably has, slept with them. Unfortunately for the Ken and his kin, the religious right is hunting for scapegoats and the old rules no longer apply. You can’t be gay in today’s GOP, period, not even if you’re willing to be closeted and celibate. The hard-core gay bashers in the GOP base are running around blaming Foley and Haggard and a secret cabal of undercover gay operatives—guys like you, Ken—for their big, fat, gay loss last week.

So you might as well come out and get those blue balls drained already, Ken. And once you’re out, you no longer have to worry about being outed. Once you’re no longer red, your balls don’t have to be blue. It’s a win-win.

RSS icon Comments

1

Lose your squeeze, Dan, and move on up. Kenny Boy + Danny Boy = America's Dream Team.

Posted by Eccumenical in Seattle | November 14, 2006 10:33 AM
2

picture Ken in leather drag trying to muster up a masculine porn voice...

"yeah, that's right, take it, yeah..."

Posted by monkey | November 14, 2006 10:37 AM
3

Isn't this Dan's first post every about Mehlman? I think it might be.

Lose your rag-on-Dan routine, Eccumenical In Seattle. It's getting tired.

Posted by Stalker of Celery | November 14, 2006 10:38 AM
4

These politicos like Mehlman usually resign to “spend more time with their families.”

How said for him that his precious GOP has made it illegal in many states for him to have one.

Posted by Andrew | November 14, 2006 10:43 AM
5

I think the dark powers in the Republican party are happy to have closted homos as important operatives - it gives them blackmail material to make sure the operative does their bidding. For the closet cases, it is a Faustian bargain, but all it takes to release themselves is a little honesty and the courage to suffer the consequences.

Posted by bobbo | November 14, 2006 10:54 AM
6

You're so off base Dan. Us gay Republicans have deep long lasting and satisfying sex with our partners. Political ideology has nothing to do with how we're wired.

Posted by Proud Gay Repubican | November 14, 2006 11:04 AM
7

Yeah PGR,

You just throw the rest of us under a bus.

Gay Republicans are collaborators, at best, so the quality of your sex life is irrelevant.

Republicans don't even treat us like human beings let alone citizens of the same country.

Posted by Andrew | November 14, 2006 11:08 AM
8

yeah, that dude is a total fag.

can you imagine the issues he's gonna be working out on someone? He's creepy enough without a gigantic sexual release & self hatred working behind the scenes...

Posted by Mike in MO | November 14, 2006 11:12 AM
9

The question is, where does this lead? We know there are loads of closeted homosexuals in the Republican Party, up and down the power structure. These people are living more and more tenuous lives, as they are been outed right and left. The sensible wing of the party is able to cope with the news, and with the out gays in the party, but the raving kook wing very much isn't, and neither is the broad "middle" of the party (which isn't middle anything except middle of the Deep South).

So what happens? It looks like the party is going to have to continue to forcibly drive the gays away; as they are outed, they must depart in shame. Otherwise, the kooks stop voting for them, as just another "Party of Perversion". But if they do drive them out, they (a) make the party affiliation of people like PGR increasingly untenable, as well as reasonable straight people and libertarians, and (b) deprive their party of a lot of smart, committed gay guys like Mehlman.

Either way the GOP loses, and so does bigotry and pinched minds. Hurrah!

Posted by Fnarf | November 14, 2006 11:20 AM
10

"Loads of closeted Homos" :)"Loads"

Posted by Mike in MO | November 14, 2006 11:25 AM
11

"Lose your rag-on-Dan routine, Eccumenical In Seattle. It's getting tired."

The Stranger Erection Control Board can surely deal with the ennui, unless they're on the rag again.

Posted by Sominex in Seattle | November 14, 2006 11:28 AM
12

Oh so Andrew, I take it your against Gay Republicans working within the party to make it more inclusive -- you just want to throw all our hard work down the drain, right? You want a one party leftist nanny-state nation so you can feel warm and cozy as our society ends up being like a sluggish western European nation of high unemployment and high taxes. How sad.

Posted by Proud Gay Republican | November 14, 2006 11:58 AM
13

So, PGR, how's that "working from within the party to make it more inclusive" meme going? Been enjoying your warm reception at the Republican conventions lately?

As far as I can see, the Republicans have been moving farther to the right, and becoming steadily and continuously LESS inclusive over the last 20 years or so. I remember during the "don't ask, don't tell" debate, when famous Republican Barry Goldwater said "I don't care if they're straight, only if they can shoot straight" in his support of gays in the military. Sadly for you and your ilk, that was about the last gasp of any sort of moderate accepting voice in the Republican party. The GOP once stood for fiscal responsibility, small government, and a strong military. All of that is completely out the window; it is now all about sucking up to the rich and the religious right. Karl Rove and the broader Republican party have actively embraced a blatantly homophobic political stance to court the most extreme right wing religious nuts.

Vote your pocketbook if you want. But have no illusion that you will ever see any sort of acceptance for your orientation from the GOP. At least not until they jettison the religious nutcases.

Posted by SDA in SEA | November 14, 2006 12:40 PM
14

PGR,

As I posted yesterday, my hope is that someday the US will be more like Canada where healthcare is a human right and women, minorities and the poor are treated with equality, dignity and respect. Canada is doing very well, thank you, and their citizens have benefits, like up to 18 months of paid maternity leave, that we can only dream of here in the US.

Can you point to a single civilized nation that actually employs Republican ideals?

I think not, since most of the world has rejected those failed policies.

Posted by Andrew | November 14, 2006 12:42 PM
15

Andrew. You couldn't have picked a better example of how the entitlement mentality torpedoes business growth and the self reliance and pride of citizens. 18 months of maternity leave? I suppose you want Govt. subsidized day-care too.

Posted by Proud Gay Republican | November 14, 2006 12:54 PM
16

Actually, yes. And why not?

Why do Canadians and Europeans have a better quality of life than Americans?
Hello Norway, Denmark and Sweden et al.

That's probably why we're not even in the top 5 of the best countries in the world to live.

You R's may bloviate a lot about family, but you don't damn what happens after those babies are out of the womb.

Now, perhaps you'll be kind enough to point out a civilized country that actually follows the Republicans' right wing ideology?

Posted by Andrew | November 14, 2006 1:12 PM
17

Not to derail the discussion (or interrupt PGR getting dumped on left and right), but Did Bill Mahr sleep with Mehlman? No, 'cause Bill Mahr is straight. Not exactly the best source, methinks. There's not one single homo I know in DC who's admitted to Mehlman encounter, and we're talking about a town more gossipy than a bagful of French Poodles.

Yeah, I'm looking at you, Andrew Sullivan.

Posted by Boomer | November 14, 2006 1:34 PM
18

I was just realizing something: gonna be a lot of unemployed gay hookers, now that the GOP lost all those seats.

Makes you wonder ...

Posted by Will in Seattle | November 14, 2006 2:18 PM
19

We just discovered a critical flaw in the Republicans’ ideology. If small government, low taxes for the rich, racist/homophobic hatred and “every man for himself healthcare” are really so great, then why have all other industrialized democracies gone in the opposite direction?

Virtually every country in Europe, Canada, Japan and Australia embrace the liberal viewpoint of using government as a tool for improving people’s lives. The conservative system here in the US is an inhumane nightmare that the sane citizens of those countries don’t want to import or duplicate. Eureka! It’s all so clear now.

Posted by Andrew | November 14, 2006 2:52 PM
20

Not to mention, those industrialized first world nations pay employees more, CEOs/execs less, and are MORE PROFITABLE than US firms for shareholders.

If we truly live in a capitalist society, that means the GOP ideal is a failure, quite frankly, just on the basis of return of shareowner equity.

Posted by Will in Seattle | November 14, 2006 4:16 PM
21

Andrew - well said.

Has anybody else noticed that proponents of the "every man for himself" style of government are typically well educated, securely employed and well off? (I'm assuming this of PGR, of course.)

Posted by Tahn, the erstwhile Monkey | November 14, 2006 4:34 PM
22

It's useless for me to continue to debating as I'm certaintly not going to change anyone's mind.

But Tahn, after decades of struggling, yes, I'm doing well. But if I lost my job tomorrow I'd welcome another challenge to succeed again. I know, such attitude drives you liberals crazy.

Posted by Proud Gay Republican | November 14, 2006 8:17 PM
23


So, to get back to the point of Dan’s original diatribe, I guess I’m left with only have two options:

A. Change my sexual orientation to fit my political dispositions.
B. Change my political dispositions to fit my sexual orientation.

Posted by Proud Gay Republican | November 15, 2006 6:45 AM
24

PGR,

Answer my question and stop evading and changing the subject.

Here’s your opportunity to change our minds.

Even the US doesn’t follow conservative ideology, and if you don’t believe that then ask US retirees to vote in favor of ending Social Security and Medicare and see what happens.

So again:

If right wing Republican ideals are so fantastic, why have no other civilized countries adopted them? Why have they all embraced liberal ideals?

Posted by Andrew | November 15, 2006 10:02 AM
25

OK Andrew.
Our government is a mixture of compromises of conservative and liberal objectives, so I don’t think either ideology is followed as purists would like. I’ve seen polls where more Americans identify themselves more conservative than liberal. Whatever, the political pendulum always swings back and forth and I don’t think that’s bad in the final analysis.
Now hear this. The Republicans have NEVER proposed ending Social Security, much less Medicaid. I don’t know where you heard that, it is not true. What Bush proposed was to adopt the proposals of the great late DEMOCRATIC Senator Daniel Patrick Moynihan from New York, to allow Americans to direct a limited portion of their benefits to get a better rate of return with mutual funds and it WAS ALWAYS OPTIONAL.
Canada just elected a more conservative government. Western European countries are now trying to scale back on high taxation to cover cradle-to-grave entitlement programs. Their pendulums are swinging back and forth, just like ours.

Posted by Proud Gay Republican | November 15, 2006 12:27 PM
26

And you still haven't answered my question.

You're in some kind of illogical feed back loop.

Again:

What country is successfully applying conservative Republican principles?

I've followed Canadian politics closely over the last five years and their Conservatives are more like our Democrats. In fact, last week they just approved taxing income trusts which sent shock waves through the Canadian financial community. They're also proposing expanding public financing for day care by $200 per child. The only thing they seem to have in common with US conservatives is intense hatred of homos and denial of global warming. And they still only have a 33% approval rating from the Canadian public, 67% of whom voted for the Liberals, NDP, Greens or Bloc Quebecois!

If Republican ideas are subject to the free market they love so much, people sure the hell aren't buying them outside the US.

Posted by Andrew | November 15, 2006 12:44 PM
27

Andrew, the U.S.A has most successfully employed conservative principles by cutting taxes. This has led to great “unexpected” revenues that has decreased our federal deficit by ½ since GW Bush took office. This has resulted in a growing of the economy and has resulted in a measly 4.x% unemployment rate. Name one other democracy that can boast that. We have strengthened the military, and cut unnecessary regulation (but I admit too much in some areas).

But the answer to your question is inherently ambiguous, because of our two party system and compromises. It is also interesting to note that the democrats of the 60’s and 70’s were more to the right than the Democrats are now.

Posted by Proud Gay Republican | November 15, 2006 1:25 PM
28

"This has led to great “unexpected” revenues that has decreased our federal deficit by ½ since GW Bush took office."

Uh, PGR, I hate to break this to you, but the Federal debt has jumped from $5 trillion to nearly $9 TRILLION since Bush took office. The size and spending of the Federal Gov't has jumped nearly 35%, meanwhile the gap between rich and poor has become a chasm and health care is unaffordable.

We want tons of services; we just refuse to pay for them. This is typical psychology of a society of debtors and gamblers.

I can name many countries that are living my values: Canada, England, France, Germany, Spain, Norway, Denmark, Finland, Sweden, the Netherlands, and on and on.

You cannot name a single one that lives your values because conservative policies are notorious failures and inhumane.

Posted by Andrew | November 15, 2006 3:17 PM
29

You know what’s inhumane? It’s a system that doesn’t reward hard work and entrepreneurship and societies with chronic high unemployment rates. Ever wonder why almost every corner grocery store is run by Asians? It’s their resourcefulness, hard work, and pride while other groups complain that society has passed them by despite decades of government help which is praised by social engineering Democrats – who are all too comfortable with preaching class warfare and saying how they won’t have a chance unless big daddy Uncle Sam steps in. That’s what is inhumane Andrew.

Posted by Proud Gay Repubican | November 15, 2006 10:16 PM

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