What the Tips
Got a favorite stripper at your local all-nude juice bar? (I know—God bless New Jersey.) Give her a hand.
Got a favorite butcher at your local halal meat shop? Give him your hand.
UPDATE:
The second story contains this sentence: “Those who saw the action unfold remained jarred.” Not only is “remained jarred” an odd construction, but, as an encore to the first story, the use of “remain” and “jarred” is magnificently creepy. (Thanks to the eagle eyes of Mssr. Frizzelle.)
The usage "remained jarred" isn't just odd, it's wrong here. "Remain jarred" is what they were looking for. Unless they're like the stripper in story 1, in which case it's "jarred remains".