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Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Remember when the House was the Crazy Branch of Congress?

Posted by on July 25 at 14:20 PM

Those were the days.

A bill to make transporting a teen across state lines for an abortion would become a crime punishable by prison under a widely supported bill nearing passage in the Senate this afternoon.

Democrats tried and failed to attach several amendments to the bill that would have made it slightly less odious, including one by Sen. Frank Lautenberg, D-N.J., that would have encouraged the federal government to provide money for more sex education. It failed 48-51, but not before sparking this laughable “debate”:

“If we do nothing about teen pregnancy yet pass this punitive bill, then it proves that this (bill) is only a political charade and not a serious effort to combat the problem,” Lautenberg said.

Abstinence is the best way to prevent teenage pregnancy, responded Sen. Tom Coburn, R-Okla.

“How many people really think it’s in the best interest of young people to be sexually active outside of marriage? Does anything positive ever come from that?” Coburn asked.

Because forcing young girls to have babies they don’t want and can’t care for is the definition of a “positive” outcome.


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About time. Now maybe they can get serious about cracking down on the runaway slave issue. States's rights are one thing, but when it comes to a man and his women, or slaves, well it's time to step in and protect property.

Well, they are still crazy, it's just there's even more crazy people.

Sigh.

The obvious solution is to mutilate the genitals of young girls so they physically CAN'T have sex without ripping the stitches open. This has the side benefit of making the girls exceptionally eager to practice abstinence.

Oh come on you all the answer is an obvious technical innovation that has been around since the middle ages... chastity belts.

If only we could track down some of these Republicans' first girlfriends to find out when THEY first had sex. Have they completely forgotten what raging hormones feel like to a 16 year-old? Despite a kid's upbringing and what he or she is taught in school about sex, the kid is gonna have some sex, with or without a condom. I wish we could throw it in their faces. It'd be great to say, "Well, Tom Coburn, you first had sex when you were 15 years old. And you came from a "good family" and weren't taught about birth control. So, explain."

Maybe someone should start spearheading this campaign. Find some ex-girlfriends of these Republicans. It seems like unveiling the contradictions between what they say and what they do is the only way liberals can get anything done around here anymore.

We all know abstinence education keeps teenagers from having sex, right? So no one was ever born out of wedlock before sex education. No girl ever found herself unmarried, with an unwanted pregnancy, back in the days when we universally taught that sex was a shameful thing, reserved for rainy Sundays in the marital bed for the purposes of procreation.

Because we all know how well telling teenagers NOT to do something works, right?

...sigh...

Sure, let's make abortion a crime. That always prevented it, the thousands of years when it was illegal, no one ever had abortions. All those young women dying of septicemia in OB/GYN wards, well, who cares about them - they had SEX, they must be PUNISHED.

Jeebus, can we ever quit building that bridge to the 15th century?!

Technological solutions like chastity belts can be gotten around. Besides, the onus for preventing sex is not on the boys, get serious! The purity of our GIRLS is the issue here. WE MUST SEW UP THEIR VAGINAS. And chop out their clits with a knife.

Um, since both of the President's daughters are unmarried and both drink and have sex, does that mean we can stone them? Or do we just have to set them on fire instead?

EVERYBODY must get stoned!

I'd settle for putting them in stocks for a couple hours and pelting them with rotten tomatoes.

Coburn used to be in the House. That may be one answer to your question.

Experimenting with sex while you still have your parents around is something positive. Orgasms are positive, too.

Geni, I'm worried your idea may upset Greg Hill, who seems to have a bit of a pro-tomato agenda.

When do we get a federal law making it illegal to cross state lines and shoot a hunting buddy in the face?

If young people having sex outside of marriage is enough to keep them from becoming like Tom Coburn, I'd call that a positive outcome.

Hmmm...I think we're looking in the wrong direction, folks.

Abstinance is supposedly so good for you? Fine. Dandy.

We need examples in high places.

I think we need to...encourage...by their fine example, those members of Congress who would pass such a travesty of a bill.

Find their neighborhoods where they live in DC and in their home states, and make lots of noise each and every night they consider not being chaste.

And since we don't know WHEN they'll be chaste and when not, we'll have to assist in their vigilance...to be a proper example, of course.

Each and every night.

Mr. Savage, I'd say this project is right up your alley. I know it's anti-sex, but it would be an interesting experiment, no? The effects of no sex - at least until they're out of office?

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