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Sunday, March 5, 2006

Some Thoughts on the Academy Awards

Posted by on March 5 at 21:02 PM

[Some might think I’m unqualified to weigh in on the Academy Awards because I think almost every movie would be better if it were shorter, i.e., if there were less of it, but when I was 15 and obese and had divorcing parents and not a friend in the world and was living in a suburb of Los Angeles and my ambition was to write screenplays, I set my alarm for 5 in the morning just so that I could watch the live press conference announcing the nominees for the Academy Awards—that’s how much I cared.]

1) Everything is better with bacon. I went to a dinner party tonight and I brought kale with garlic and bacon. The dishes had to be related to a movie up for best picture, and the movie I got assigned was Munich, and my dish needed to be a vegetable side dish, and… well, think about it for a minute. A vat of cooked, flavorless carrots? (It’d be authentic!) But internet research reveals that kale — a hardy, bitter, delicious member of the cabbage family — has done quite well through the ages in Germany: there are delicious recipes from the northern German city of Bremen involving kale that date to the 16th century, and even though Munich is a southern city, one figures they are close enough, that the influence was most certainly felt. As far as bacon and Germany are concerned, the Federal Statistical Office keeps track of how many pigs there are in Germany. Try to guess. Just think of a number. You won’t guess high enough. Here, I’ll put the answer “after the jump” (click on “Continue reading ‘Some Thoughts on the Academy Awards’” at the bottom of this post to see the number of pigs there were in Germany as of May 2005). Anyway, kale with garlic and bacon is incredibly delicious and the recipe is here. (My tip: use peppered bacon.)

2) Bows on dresses look weird.

3) John Travolta’s hair transplant looks weird.

4) Meryl Streep is the best actress we have.

26.8 million pigs.

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For a movie about Jews and Arabs, you created a dish with bacon? I don't know whether to be appalled or to give you props.

I actually guessed a much higher number of pigs. That's only about one pig for every two Germans. I guessed four times as many.

Totally agree about bows. Especially the gigantic spare dress that Charlize Theron was wearing on her shoulder. Damn, she's a pretty lady, though she's starting to remind me of a young Eva Gabor; but that dress had a big, big problem.

PS: John Travolta's hair is only the fourth-weirdest thing about him.

I just looked at your recipe, and I have a quibble--you shouldn't discard the kale stems. You should cut them out of the leaves, and chop them fine, and cook them much longer--cooking them with the bacon is fine. You can't overcook the stems. The recipe is correct that short cooking for the leaves is best, though. I'm sure it was delicious. But then, I've never eaten anything in my life with bacon in it that wasn'>
Is there any truth to the rumor that bacon tempts more vegetarians back to the dark side than any other meaty food?

#3 on the list of weird things about Travolta is his starring in a remake of "Hairspray".

Huh? "Hairspray" already is a movie. It's not even that old, 1988. Is this going to suck ass, or what? Who's going to play the Divine role? Dick Cheney?

At least you weren't assigned a Capote-themed snack.

Fnarf: guess who's going to play the Divine role?

It's now the fourth Weirdest thing about Travolta. Hair is fifth.

Speaking of weird hair, did anyone notice Leslie Miller lurking on the ABC post-Oscar show sporting a freaky new weave? I very nearly turned to stone.

I think almost every movie would be better if it were shorter

One of my friends has the same affliction. During movies she'll give me a nod to announce where intermissions or endings should have been. Because I didn't see it with her, I don't know what she thought about The Squid and the Whale. As far as I was concerned, it was an amazingly efficient ninety minutes (which included a pink floyd cover!). Too bad it didn't get the screenplay award.

I believe this new "Hairspray" is a film version of the Broadway musical - which of course, was based on the film.

If only they'd let J.W. direct it - again.

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