1) Where did you come from?
From Chicago, but the moral center of my universe is Madison, Wisconsin, where I schooled. It’s a city of few morals.

2) What’s your favorite vice?
Horse tranquilizers. Sort of equine hip.

3) What song(s) will play at your funeral?
With heart-wrenching irony, the Friends theme song.

4) Please list 10 nouns that interest you.
Leaked grand jury testimony, environmental impact reports, whistleblowers… You get the idea. I’m the life of the party.

5) What good book(s) have you read recently?
My Pet Goat blew my fucking mind. Of course, it might’ve just been a bad batch of horse tranquilizers…

6) Rubber Soul or Revolver?
Rubber Soul, if only because it’s spared the pollution of Yellow Submarine, which by the way is the second ironic song to be played at my funeral.

7) To form the posessive form of a singular noun ending in s, do you employ a lone apostrophe (Sanders’) or apostrophe plus s (Sanders’s)?
Eli Sanders’s advice is to go with Eli Sanders’ preference, which is lone apostrophe. (Sadly, apostrophes are on his top-ten nouns list.)

8) Do you mind if we call you T-bone? Do you like T-bomb better? Franny? Or do you have another nickname you’d prefer?
Just don’t call me Late for Dinner, which is a really cruel nickname.