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Friday, June 20, 2008


posted by on June 20 at 10:30 AM

It’s official, Paul Constant. You and I will have to become superheroes by conventional means.

From a scientist:

I do drug research for a biotech company. One day, when I was taking blood samples from some rats that had been dosed with a radiolabeled (Indium 111) MS drug, the little son of a bitch bit me (not that I really blame her, we fuck them up pretty good). So, I am proud to say that I have been bitten by a radioactive rat.

I have as of yet developed no superpowers. If I do, I will let you know.

Another childhood dream bites the dust.


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Is that supposed to be Spiderman? Because a spider, as you know, is not an insect. Maybe this is Cockroachman, then?

Posted by Tlazolteotl | June 20, 2008 10:38 AM

Probably for the best. Who wants to develop rat-powers anyway?

Besides, Batman proves that all you need to be a superhero is brains, discipline, will, a training regimen, and like eleventy billion dollars.

Posted by Greg | June 20, 2008 10:38 AM

Well ... was the life of the rat ebbing from its radioactive body? Cause if not, you've still got a shot.

Posted by sw | June 20, 2008 10:39 AM

Oh, you just wait mister. One day you'll find yourself trapped in a maze, and you'll discover you have this incredible ability to find your way out of it. Then later you'll find yourself trapped in a storage freezer and discover that you are able to gnaw your way out of it. These are modest superpowers, of course, but also at a modest cost: a perhaps too strong predilection for smelly cheese, a tolerance of rotten meat, and a burning curiosity about what it's like to live in a sewer.

Posted by kinaidos | June 20, 2008 10:43 AM

Dang. So there's no point in saving all that radioactive cat shit from the thyroid treatments?

Posted by elenchos | June 20, 2008 10:48 AM

Aw man, now we'll never have an incarnation of splinter. Who will train the radioactive turtles now?!

Posted by Kyleen | June 20, 2008 11:11 AM

@2 Batman is my favorite. He's so virile, and brooding, and well, frankly, rich that I can't help but long for him, even in his weird rubber suit. Besides, he has so many cool techno toys it makes my geek loving heart go pitter patter. And! a butler. Sigh.

Posted by PopTart | June 20, 2008 11:23 AM

You might never know you've got incredible rat powers until you need them, to say, climb up through a toilet drain, or something.

Posted by NapoleonXIV | June 20, 2008 11:30 AM

Everyone knows rats don't work.

Only insects and flying creatures work.

Posted by Will in Seattle | June 20, 2008 11:30 AM

Does drinking a can of Rize qualify as "conventional means" or not? If so, I believe Kelly O and Ari Spool have a solution for you.



And no, I don't feel like letting it go.

Posted by The Incredible Sulk | June 20, 2008 11:42 AM

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