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Wednesday, November 14, 2007

I’m No Expert…

posted by on November 14 at 14:13 PM

…but I’d say the “holiday” displays at Sea-Tac Airport look a lot like a clump of dammed Christmas trees.


The Port of Seattle announced back in October that they were getting out of the Christmas tree bidness. No Christmas trees at Sea-Tac this year. But while the display above may feature the wrong kind of tree—it’s birch, not evergreen, and I’m totally racist when it comes Christmas trees—the branches have been trimmed into a suspiciously conical shape, which is very Christmas-tree-ish. And the icicles hanging from the branches look like the kind of icicle decorations often found on Christmas trees.

Oh, and there are now advertisements on the bottoms of the plastic bins you have to put your laptop computers, shoes, and other crap in at the security checkpoint. For an online shoe company. I was going to write, “that didn’t take long,” but it actually did—it took six years. Still, it seems like the space could be better used. Perhaps a message that says, “Hey, dumbfuck, take the change out of your pocket and put in here, along with your cell phone and fountain pens and belt buckles and anything else that might set off a the metal detector you’re about to walk through. Christ.”

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They just look like raggedy-ass sticks to me.

And they couldn't put that message on the bins, what with the obvious Christian message ("Christ."). Come on now.

Posted by Levislade | November 14, 2007 2:17 PM

See what happens when people bitch a lot about nothing? This. This is what happens, Dan. Why don't you keep digging deeper. Maybe next year we'll have buckets of green and red water. Merry fucking Christmas, you annoying overly-sensitive PC morons.

Posted by Mr. Poe | November 14, 2007 2:20 PM

Even better, those look like decapitated Christmas trees, as if to say, "go fuck yourself, holiday onlookers!"

Posted by Dougsf | November 14, 2007 2:21 PM

i just noticed the zapatos ads on security bins this week, too, and had the same thoughts as you, dan. ditto the "winter trees."

i'm waiting for doctor ads on the x-ray machines and shopping networks on the in-flight tvs.

Posted by kerri harrop | November 14, 2007 2:23 PM

What on Earth? It looks like the aftermath of a forest fire.

Posted by mattymatt | November 14, 2007 2:23 PM

Those don't look "suspiciously conical" to me. You know that most trees taper towards the top, right? It just looks sad.

I think they should have a big Santa Claus nailed to a cross.

Posted by Fnarf | November 14, 2007 2:24 PM

Those branches look more like barbed wire to me and with those bare poles its make the whole display look a little more like Auschwitz

Posted by blaire | November 14, 2007 2:26 PM

Looks a little like a menorah to me.

Posted by Erik | November 14, 2007 2:27 PM

Yeah, on further thought, here's the thing: The one thing "The Holidays" have in common is the season in which they occur (that being winter). The thing about winter, is in many parts of the world everything gets all snowy, trees lose their leaves, and sometimes icicles - real icicles - hang off the trees, due to the freezing and dripping of water (maybe J. Golob could explain it a little better for you if you have any questions). The reason these things are associated with Christmas is that Christmas happens in winter. For crying out loud.

Now waiting for you to say you were being sarcastic so I can feel like a jerk for spelling this out for you.

Posted by Levislade | November 14, 2007 2:30 PM

O, Seasonal Greeting Stumps
O, Seasonal Greeting Stumps
How haggard are your branches!

Posted by NapoleonXIV | November 14, 2007 2:32 PM

It looks like a high school stage set for Bambi: A Musical.

But on the bright side: everyone can unite in their hatred for it!

Posted by tabletop_joe | November 14, 2007 2:40 PM

I wonder who did it. Have Graves review it!

In person, it's not so bad. It conveys the season, "adds to the feel", and has good placement.

Posted by Lake | November 14, 2007 2:41 PM

This reminds ME of the Nativity. If you squint, those trees are pretty much exactly the right selection of sizes to be Mary, Joseph, the wise men, the shepherds, various animals, and... yes... bebe Jesus.

If not the Nativity, then the crucifixion. For sure.

Posted by Katelyn | November 14, 2007 2:42 PM

OK, first of all, the Christians aren't clever enough to invent Christmas, trees, holiday decorations, lights, icicles, their own religion, or really anything else.

If I had time to be irritated about things like this, I'd be irritated that because of some misplaced anti-religious outrage Sea-Tac can't put on some good old-fashioned pagan nature-worship in the winter to take some of the sting out of being stuck in the lamest airport in the country.

Don't get me wrong, I hate religion as much as the next guy. Probably more than him. So rather than get angry over "christmas" decorations, I reject the premise that any religion can arbitrarily monopolize an entire division of the plant kingdom. Until Sea-Tac starts putting up actual religious icons - crosses, stars of David, whatever the hell it is that Muslims worship, everyone should shut it.

And if you don't like coniferous trees, you should move to Kenya.

Posted by Raindog | November 14, 2007 2:45 PM

Ummm... A clump of dead Christmas trees without the decorations... Yay. I feel warm and fuzzy all over...

Posted by Madge-YoursoakingINIT! | November 14, 2007 2:45 PM

@13 That is hilarious.

Posted by tabletop_joe | November 14, 2007 2:46 PM

Merry Fucking Christmas. Why the fuck are decorations up already? The Macy's here had a god-damned CHRISTMAS TREE up in fucking OCTOBER! Another reason to hate Macy's.

Posted by Michigan Matt | November 14, 2007 2:47 PM

God how I hate taking off my damn shoes at the x-ray, goddamn fucking shoebomber. I'm lazy and I never put ANYTHING into those annoying bins that I don't absolutely have to, and I never set off the detectors.

Posted by MarkyMark | November 14, 2007 2:51 PM

And you know what, Dan? The state grows Douglas Fir and pine trees on public land. Oh no! The government is endorsing Christianity!

Posted by Greg | November 14, 2007 2:57 PM

Michigan Matt--you need to stop posting while you're at work. XOXO-twinny

Posted by DCPatrick | November 14, 2007 2:57 PM

this is just sad. whoever designed it is clearly trying to make the anti-christards look foolish. see what happens when you criminalize christmas trees? not pretty, people. not pretty at all.

an aside - i read on michelle malkin's blog today, there's a fucking war on THANKSGIVING now. it's impossible to keep up with these people.

Posted by brandon | November 14, 2007 2:58 PM

Awesome. Decapitated, leafless tree branches with fake icicles and fake snow, in a city that sees a dusting of snow maybe one or two days a year. Nicely set off by our notoriously grey winter sky. Sweet. Makes me feel all warm and cozy. Money well spent, I'd say. Can I get one of those for my living room?

Posted by SDA in SEA | November 14, 2007 3:11 PM

hey wait Levislade- actually, in Australia, Christmas happens in the summer. Just sayin'.

Posted by tamara | November 14, 2007 3:15 PM

They look like Charley Brown Christmas trees to me.

Posted by crazycatguy | November 14, 2007 3:18 PM

The snow kinda looks like a cloud -- I thought it was the spirits of dead SoCal wildfire trees haunting SeaTac!

Posted by Al | November 14, 2007 3:20 PM

shoulda just put up a big slab of concrete and put a sign on it that said "fuck y'all." at least it would have lifted my spirits by making me laugh.

Posted by Cale | November 14, 2007 3:41 PM

Actually, that's Dante's dark wood.

Posted by Tim Appelo | November 14, 2007 3:51 PM

It looks like one of those things you screw orange light bulbs into the top of and put in your window sill. Aisle 9 at Rite Aid.

Posted by duncan | November 14, 2007 4:06 PM

Those look like dead Christmas trees. Dead Christmas tress, that must mean god is dead. Damn you Port of Seattle.

Posted by giffy | November 14, 2007 4:11 PM

Isn't this from one of those gaming ads for the deepest levels of Hades?

Posted by Will in Seattle | November 14, 2007 4:41 PM

Dan needs to ban himself from SLOGing while he is traveling -- these posts are a waste of perfectly good bandwidth. Hopefully nobody will sing a Christmas carol while sitting next to Dan in the gate waiting area while he is waiting to depart for whatever immensely important trip he is carbon-footprinting off to this time...

And no, those don't look anything like Christmas Trees you jackass.

Posted by GoodGrief | November 14, 2007 4:56 PM

Whats with blaming anti-christians? All the rabbi asked for was to put a menorrah up, and the airport would rather take xmas trees down than do that. Seems like anti-jewish sentiment is the problem this time, or do war-on-xmas mongers not bother RTFA-ing.

Posted by Karey | November 14, 2007 5:05 PM

I honestly can't figure this out: do you mean "dammed" like dead trees clogging up a creek? Or "damned" like doomed to hell?

Posted by Irena | November 14, 2007 5:45 PM

Dan is right. Those are Christian trees celebrating the holiday of the perverts.

As a Jew I demand a Menorah in the Airport. Judaism is the world's only true religion of righteousness. Israel has no Christmas trees in the El-Al terminal. That's because Christmas trees are the symbol of oppression.

Posted by Issur | November 14, 2007 6:04 PM

Nothing says Beltaine like a good ritual hanging and sacrifice of King.

Just sayin.

Posted by Will in Seattle | November 14, 2007 6:13 PM

I think it's very appropriate. After all, an airport is the opposite of nature. Why not decorate with dead trees?

Posted by catalina vel-duray | November 14, 2007 8:14 PM

@8 Seconded.

Posted by Gitai | November 14, 2007 8:57 PM

Now let's review this once more: We celebrate the Euphemistic Holidays, and everyone but Helen Keller and Ray Charles can see it says 'Christmas' on December 25th. A holiday that's been around for 2007 years or so given the Julian/Gregorian calendar mishaps.

Our founding fathers to whom we attribute everything except our credit card excess and anal warts were mainly Christian though they did not have vast airports screaming for decoration in the deep, dark dead of a 1776 winter.

They could no more have predicted this idiotic contretemps than they could have described a Thompson machine gun. Yet we assume we know what they would have wanted. Not healthy evergreens but pale Arctic tree death.

Everyone has holiday belief choices - accept or ignore - there is so much more to life than screaming about how much red and green offend you. Sip a little wassail - better than Valium - a choice which both Doc Holliday and Billie Holiday could embrace. Now those are holidays worth celebrating.

Posted by SANTA CLAUS AIN'T COMIN' TO THIS TOWN | November 14, 2007 9:58 PM

The Stranger is the only newspaper in Seattle with the balls to attack the pervert Christians and their holidays.

Until there is not on Christimas Tree on city property, this war on Christmas must continue. Judaism is a religion of peace of righteousness. That's why there should be public Menorahs and not Christimas trees during December.

Posted by Issur | November 15, 2007 1:36 PM

Finally, a fitting holiday tribute to the Flying Spaghetti Monster (blessed be his
noodly appendanges)!

Posted by butterw | November 15, 2007 2:33 PM

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