Tech Ribbed For Whose Pleasure?
posted by November 14 at 14:41 PMon
In an alarming move to further erode the public’s responsibilities about, well, anything, Nintendo has begun giving away cushy little jackets for their Wii console’s remote controllers. You know, the little white controllers that walk around the house when you’re asleep and gouge themselves into flat-screen TVs?
My guess is, Nintendo’s legal department decided that last year’s “threw the remote while playing Wii Bowling” stories had enough merit to potentially spark a class-action lawsuit. You know, a lawsuit that ignores the millions of warnings that ship with: * the Wii system; * each Wii game; * the start-up screen for each Wii game; * the human mind. At this point, they might as well go the McDonald’s route and label the motion-controlled gizmos with tags like “CAUTION: DANGEROUS WHEN THROWN.” Or maybe “YO, STUPID!”
Anyway, my Wii condoms just showed up in the mail. No, really:
Come on! These things are big, rubbery vacuums just waiting to be filled with cock. [Insert topical, political joke here] The tactile ribbing around the shaft; the spongy, circular shield over the head; the convenient opening at the bottom for your balls. (Fine, the last one is a stretch. Literally.) And they’re sending these things to every Wii-owning kid in the nation.
…on second thought, these remote jackets are a great idea. Nintendo is subverting middle America’s abstinence bent by teaching kids about safe sex through gaming accessories! Awesome. Here’s to hoping for a motion-controlled follow-up.
In all honesty, they’re not so bad. Comfy, even. Other companies already charge for these kinds of controller jackets, so if you want a free solution to SHS (sweaty hand syndrome), order away.