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Tuesday, November 11, 2008

The Banana Bunker

posted by on November 11 at 9:51 AM

Slog tipper JL draws our attention to a particular item for sale at the Museum of Modern Art’s website.


“I was just looking for educational/less commercial gifts for my kid and felt like I was assaulted by this thing,” writes JL. The Banana Bunker is “For for Kids,” according to MOMA’s website, and was designed to “protect delicate fruit.” Says JL: “I find it freaky and weird that MOMA sells these dildo-shaped things and for some reason felt that I should let you know about it.”

I don’t share JL’s concerns. Phallic objects assault our children pretty much everywhere they go—tree trunks! tall buildings! parking meters! The innocent banana itself, once liberated from its bunker, is itself dildo-shaped. And the banana, as anyone that’s ever put one in a gym bag and them dumped books and a computer on top of it can attest, is a delicate fruit. So I don’t look at the “Banana Bunker” and see a dildo. But I have to admit that it reminded me of another kind of banana bunker:


That’s a CB 6000, a “male chastity device.” Straight guys blog about their experiences wearing CB 6000s here and here.

RSS icon Comments


OMG, I have a padlock just like that!

Posted by Bruce | November 11, 2008 9:49 AM

I can't post the link because my stupid iPhone can't copy/paste, but this was Slogged on April 1st, 2007. I guess we've had a lot of newcomers since then, maybe they haven't seen it.

Posted by Aislinn | November 11, 2008 9:59 AM

Jesus, Savage, proof your posts. This one is riddled with errors!!

Posted by Anne | November 11, 2008 10:02 AM

Excuse me: April 5th, 2007.

Posted by Aislinn | November 11, 2008 10:04 AM

It's like a Popemobile for your penis.

Posted by Darcy | November 11, 2008 10:08 AM

Yay, banana bunkers at MoMA!

I bought the five-pack of banana bunkers last year and gave them to my family for Christmas. Total hilarity did not ensue as I had hoped, but it was amusing nonetheless.

Posted by leek | November 11, 2008 10:15 AM

P.S.: For less arty color options, check out

Posted by leek | November 11, 2008 10:17 AM

Aislinn, you got me gettin all numeroloogical again -(-- (ack, must go shoot hoops, or at least walk to the courts - it is work holiday) -)-- 11:11 is weird scottish cult --- discovered from "practising" bikermama who i worked with at Puget Sound Blood Center. info can be probably founhd at bookstore corner of 65th and Roosevelt.

CB6000 - eek, always a bit put off by the hygenic and hardon pain factor, but to each goose its gander - c'est la vie

Posted by gry mklsk | November 11, 2008 10:18 AM

Parking meters???!!!

Posted by Patti | November 11, 2008 10:50 AM

My ex has a chastity device like the above! Pretty hot.

Posted by AJ | November 11, 2008 11:14 AM

Oh come on Dan, the banna bunker fine. But does it have to be ribbed? Is there is a structural purpose for it that I'm not aware of?

Posted by former OR Matt | November 11, 2008 12:02 PM

Oh come on Dan, the banna bunker fine. But does it have to be ribbed? Is there is a structural purpose for it that I'm not aware of?

Posted by former OR Matt | November 11, 2008 12:03 PM

@11/12: It bends to accomodate the curve of the banana.

Posted by Aislinn | November 11, 2008 12:36 PM


The first blog mentioned is an excellent diary of the man's experience! recommended reading.

Posted by fARTing | November 11, 2008 12:58 PM

Assaulted? My question is, does JL allow his kids to eat hot dogs? Talk about phallicism.

Sometimes a banana bunker is just a banana bunker. He's clearly never packed a banana for a child's lunch, and have it come back all black and bruised and beaten, completely inedible. I wish I had one for my daughter's lunchbo. I think they're brilliant.

Posted by Charm | November 11, 2008 1:29 PM

I'm a personal fan of the Banana Guard:

Which came first: the bunker or the guard?

Posted by Kat | November 11, 2008 2:27 PM

Oh my. I need one of these. To take to work. The salesmen I work with. I can picture now. Envious mouthes. Hungry eyes. Frothy spittle pooled in the corners of their thin, tight lips. My perfect banana. Genius Invention.

Posted by As Usual | November 11, 2008 4:45 PM

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