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Monday, November 10, 2008

Enriching the Lives of Animals! (Not You, Turkeys)

posted by on November 10 at 15:00 PM

The folks at the Woodland Park Zoo just sent out a press release hyping their upcoming Turkey Toss, “part of the zoo’s ongoing enrichment program to help enrich the lives of the zoo’s animals, promote natural animal behavior, keep animals mentally and physically stimulated and provide added enjoyment for zoo visitors.”

Because nothing’s more natural than an African lion munching on a defrosted turkey from Albertson’s.


WHEN: Saturday, November 22, 10:00 a.m. to 2:00 p.m. Jaguar, 10:00 a.m. Snow leopard, 10:00 a.m. Golden lion tamarin monkeys, 11:00 a.m. Arctic foxes, 11:30 a.m. Piranhas, 11:30 a.m. Wolves, 1:15 p.m. Pigs, 1:30 p.m. Komodo dragons, 2:00 p.m. Grizzly bears, 2:00 p.m. Lemurs, 2:00 p.m. Tiger, 2:00 p.m.

Jaguar, sure. Snow leopard, got it. Wolves, duuuh. But piranhas? Lemurs? Golden lion tamarin fucking monkeys? These are not exactly turkeys’ natural foes. Do monkeys even like turkey?


Okay, okay. Point taken, you goddamn monkey.

RSS icon Comments



Posted by elenchos | November 10, 2008 3:08 PM

Zoos are theaters of cruelty. Would you stand there watching as somebody fed puppies to an alligator, or todddlers to a lobster? This is exactly like that. Animals have rights, including the right not to be eaten. Or in the case of predators, to not eat.


Posted by Evergreen Student | November 10, 2008 3:08 PM

funniest post on slog award Lindy.

Posted by menelaus | November 10, 2008 3:10 PM

You should see what a tiger can do to a pumpkin.

The tiger at the WPZ carved a near-perfect jack-o-lantern. Heck if I know where he found a candle.

Posted by six shooter | November 10, 2008 3:10 PM

Many species of monkey hunt and kill small prey when the opportunity presents itself. Babbons and apes too. Chimps form organized hunting parties and divide the meat according to social status. This has even been observed in the Bonobo, the so-called "hippie-ape".

Posted by inkweary | November 10, 2008 3:10 PM

It would be pretty fucking awesome to watch some piranhas devour a turkey.

Posted by keshmeshi | November 10, 2008 3:14 PM

The monkey graphic, seriously? LOLZ forevermore.

Posted by moobs | November 10, 2008 3:19 PM

"Do monkeys like turkey?"

Um, dude, they're like 99.9 percent the same as humans ...

Posted by Will in Seattle | November 10, 2008 3:19 PM

Isay feed them some zookeepers. Or feed them pit bulls. Live pit bulls who have attacked people. Or feed them a naked George Bush!

Posted by Vince | November 10, 2008 3:20 PM

Did you make that monkey picture? This is very fucking funny.

Posted by dc | November 10, 2008 3:26 PM

Monkey's only eat turkey once a year when their families force it on them in November. They only enjoy it if it's moist and well seasoned.

Posted by Cato the Younger Younger | November 10, 2008 3:29 PM

I kind of wish you could actually watch the animals hunt. I've seen lions go after prey and its fucking fascinating.

The turkey thing does seem amusing though...

Posted by Giffy | November 10, 2008 3:29 PM

Turkey's one thing but they'll be rightfully pissed off if the zoo forces turnips, cranberry sauce and mince pie on them.

Posted by rjh | November 10, 2008 3:33 PM

It's like a poor-man's National Geographic special. Instead of watching wild animals hunt other wild animals, you can watch captive animals "hunt" defrosted grocery store turkeys!

I have to admit, I'm kind of curious to see what a pack of hungry lemurs can do to a turkey...

Posted by Hernandez | November 10, 2008 3:36 PM

Big cat annihilating turkey = awesome. Monkey picking apart turkey carcass = frightening, and a bit ominous.

Posted by Dougsf | November 10, 2008 3:43 PM

This is not the Woodland Park Zoo I knew. Thanks SLOG.

Posted by steadyjohn | November 10, 2008 3:44 PM

They're thawing them first, before throwing them, right?

Posted by NapoleonXIV | November 10, 2008 3:48 PM

Good thing it's turkey. Chicken bones are bad for kitties.

Posted by Greg | November 10, 2008 3:49 PM

Those fuckin' monkeys SCARE me...

They look like the fetish doll that chased Karen Black around that apartment...

Posted by michael strangeways | November 10, 2008 3:51 PM

Animal rights fanatics don't speak for me. I like turkey. With gravy even better.

Posted by Monkey Love Turkey | November 10, 2008 3:55 PM

turkey loving monkey ftw

Posted by paul | November 10, 2008 4:06 PM

yeah, I work in monkey-infested forests in Central America. Monkeys love to eat birds. They are nasty and brutish at it. ("oh, i'll just pull off the limbs, one at a time...and maybe actually kill it later...)
yes, it IS frightening and a bit ominous to watch.
I say go watch the piranhas, at least they don't look like us.

Posted by onion | November 10, 2008 4:13 PM

Freakin' awesome. Hey you know meat-eating animals like to eat meat and whatnot, which is why they are called 'meat-eating.' How is it a bad thing to give them turkey?

#2 are we talking frozen or thawed puppies n' toddlers? Seriously, though, 'theaters of cruelty????' Really? REALLY?

Posted by JP | November 10, 2008 4:26 PM

give them LIVE turkeys. that will keep their asses stimulated.

Posted by max solomon | November 10, 2008 4:35 PM

Man with clipboard: "What are you?"
Otter: "I'm an otter! I swim around and do cute human things with my paws"
Man with clipboard: "You're free to go"

Man with clipboard: "What are you?"
Cow: "I'm a cow"
Man with clipboard: "Get in the truck!"
Cow: "Buuut I'm an animal!"
Man with clipboard: "You're a wallet, get in the truck."

Posted by Original Monique | November 10, 2008 4:35 PM

oh, & @2:

i know you're being hilarious & ironic, but zoos ARE theatres of cruelty.

go watch the wolves anxiously pace & pace & pace in their pitiful enclosure and tell me they're happy. they're prisoners.

Posted by max solomon | November 10, 2008 4:40 PM

Kidnapping animals to live in horribly inadequate facilities that in no way approximate their natural habitats or range of territory while drooling shitheads commodify them for entertainment is bad enough.

The exploitation of additional species' to heighten our objectification of them (and help them conform to our tidy ideas about masculinity and power) is a nice cherry on top.

Posted by AW | November 10, 2008 4:46 PM

This is a terrible idea. I, for one, am sick of watching animals sleep at the zoo instead of doing awesome attacks and growling. Turkey is not helping.

Posted by Soren | November 10, 2008 4:53 PM

ooh, and just before my membership lapses! Guess who's skipping family Thanksgiving to go watch lemurs fuck up a turkey?!

Posted by Jessica | November 10, 2008 4:56 PM

This is a Serious Issue, and we need to show Very Serious Solidarity with our animal friends.





Posted by Chris in West Seattle | November 10, 2008 4:57 PM

Lindy West is the best thing on Slog.

Posted by truth | November 10, 2008 5:01 PM

...and go ahead and mock the zoo's Turkey Toss at Thanksgiving and the Pumpkin Prowl at Halloween.

If you're concerned about animal cruelty, it's the three-pronged March 17th onslaught of the Corned Beef Crossbow, Cabbage Catapult, and Colcannon Cannon that you want to avoid.

Posted by Chris in West Seattle | November 10, 2008 5:06 PM

It'd be even cooler if they used a trebuchet to launch the turkeys in the enclosures.

Posted by dwight moody | November 10, 2008 5:14 PM

I fucking hate zoos. The pacing, the stench, it's a dead zone.
And, if the choice is to have a turkey toss, they have to be alive.

Why not open the zoo pens completely and see what happens, for fuck sake?

Posted by 4f...sake | November 10, 2008 5:18 PM

I lol'd at that picture. It has been a while.

Now to post to fark.

Posted by wisepunk | November 10, 2008 5:37 PM

chris, are you channeling hateman?

Posted by wisepunk | November 10, 2008 6:21 PM

hmmm. yeah, if the zoo is really into enrichment, then for animals such as lions should get live turkeys.

but i bet there are lots of reasons they don't wanna do that. good ones n bad ones.

Posted by onion | November 10, 2008 9:58 PM

Why is that your book guy broke the film forum story and you posted some lion eating a turkey? SERIOUSLY WHY DO YOU HAVE YOUR JOB?

Posted by Apttitle | November 10, 2008 10:12 PM

shaddup n eatcha tikey

Posted by rob | November 10, 2008 10:28 PM

Yeah, zoos aren't the best environments for animals. But in a lot of cases a captive population represents the best chance for a species's eventual survival- particularly big cats and the like. Without the maintenance of a healthy captive gene pool, there are several subspecies of tiger you can say goodbye to within a couple of decades.
As we learn more about animal behavior we can also design exhibits that are bigger, more diverse, and more stimulating.
Finally, zoos represent one of the best means available to get people to actually give a damn about wildlife and the environment. Sure, we can and should do it better. But done right, a zoo can do a world of good.

Posted by Pandora | November 11, 2008 6:04 AM

@40: i am aware of the positive mission that zoos play in the preservation of species. i just don't enjoy seeing animals having anxiety attacks while yokels tease them.

last year's tiger attack at the SF zoo was the final straw for me. i rooted for the tiger. i assume most of us did.

Posted by max solomon | November 11, 2008 8:22 AM

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