Homo “OMG! Look! There on that cake! GROOMS! Run for your lives!”
posted by September 19 at 15:13 PMon
Oklahoma Sen. Jim Inhofe (GOPeemypants) once famously observed—on the floor of the US Senate!—that he could proudly state that there were no queers in his family and that there never had been any queers in his family and that there never would be any queers in his family, so help him God. Anyway, it appears that an 18 year-old gay porn star named Andrew Rice somehow secured the Democratic nomination to run against Inhofe, who is up for reelection this year.
And you gotta love Inhofe’s latest campaign commercial (via JoeMyGod):
You would never know watching that ad that Andrew Rice is a married man—a married-to-a-woman man, thank you very much!—and has a kid, seeing as Inhofe makes Rice look like he just walked off a shoot with/shoot in Brent Corrigan. (But we can safely assume that Rice now regrets posing for all those boy-band publicity shots back in the day.)
But here’s what I love most about Inhofe’s ad: SCARE GROOMS! They’re a little like “square quotes,” but small and plastic and found on top of wedding cakes especially baked to terrify anti-gay bigots. Inhofe uses scare grooms to particularly good effect here: the ominous music, the swooping camera angle, the sinister look on what are clearly a couple of very cheap-ass grooms, and the sad, blurry bride consigned to the edge of the shot.
Message? While it may be praiseworthy for Sarah Palin to have a kid with downs syndrome and shit, Andrew Rice wants gay babies with downs syndrome to grow up and marry their identical twin brothers! And that ain’t right—particularly when there are lots of good, decent, hard-working, completely blurry Oklahoma girls out there just aching marry gay guys with downs syndrome.
Oh man, I love me a good pair of scare grooms! Anti-gay bloggers frequently illustrate posts about gay marriage with images of scare grooms (examples here and here), and the authors of books that come out strongly against gay marriage also find scare grooms hard to resist….
I’d like to find more examples of scare grooms—and scare brides!—so that I can start collecting them and posting them on Slog. (Hey, it’s that or more pictures of Gregoire yard signs, people.) So if you run across a pair of scare grooms—plastic cake toppers, not just pictures of gays getting married—on a conservative blog, the cover of a magazine, an anti-gay website, or in a gay-baiting campaign commercial, please send it my way!